When God made me, He asked, "Great Memory or Giant Penis?". I cant remember what I said.

• Marriage: Where you have to keep paying for sex long after you had it.

• Virgin Airline ad: We are much more experienced than our name suggests!

• One guy asks the other: Hey, have you ever gone to bed with an ugly woman?
The second guy: No, but I've woken up with a few.

• What advice does the doctor give to sick prostitutes?
Stay out of BED for two days.

• What's common between U and Christmas tree?
The balls are just for decoration.

• Two years ago I married a lovely young virgin, and if that doesn't change soon, I'm gonna divorce her.

• Kiss- Height of luv
Nipple- Peak of luv
Boobs- Shape of luv
Penis- Length of luv
Pussy- Depth of luv
Ass- Base of luv
Testicles- Weight of luv
Fuck- Experience of luv
Suck- Taste of luv
Masturbation- Substitute of luv
Condom- Care of luv
Sperm- Cream of luv
Marriage- Mistake of luv
Pregnancy- Proof of luv
Child- Outcome of luv

• I told my wife I want to die in bed. She said, "You did last night - three times!"

• Mary went to the doctor complaining of body odor.
"Do you wash?" the doc asked the rank young girl.
"Oh, yes," Mary answered. "Each morning, I start at my head and wash down as far as possible. Then I start at my feet and wash up as far up as possible."
"Well," the doc concluded, "go home and wash possible."