When I did amateur dramatics pantomine some years back I discovered, to my horror, that the only jokes the kids in the chorus line knew were really crude racist jokes. So I dug out of my memory some the better playground jokes I knew ...

These are nonsense jokes, intended to paint vivid pictures inside your head and get you thinking about the wierd logic behind them. They're also easy for kids to remember and retell (safely).

Q: How do you know there's an elephant in your bed?
A: Because of the big "J" on his pjamas.

Q: How do you know there's an elephant in your fridge?
A: Foot-prints in the butter.

Q: How does an elephant get into a tree?
A: He stands on an acorn and waits.

Q: How does an elephant get down from a tree?
A: He stands on a leaf and waits till autumn.

Q: What's green, has six legs and is dangerous up a tree?
A: A snooker table.

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?
A: To put out forest fires.
Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?
A: To put out burning ducks!

Q: What's the difference between a hippo and a post box?
(Wait for "I don't know".)
Reply: I won't send you to post my letters!

They worked as they stopped telling the racist jokes, which were pretty dire, and it probably got them into the mindset required for panto puns.

I really think you should try your luck as a stand up comedian.
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www.lizmadsen.com

There is a Jongleurs comedy club near me and I'm fairly sure that they'll have an "open mike" night that I could have a go at it.

However these are childhood jokes and I'd need more of a routine to make a go of it.

However that's not a bad idea though. I'm certainly brave enough for Karaoke and public-speaking is admittedly a hobby of mine.

You go, Gorilla!
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www.lizmadsen.com

I had a look and having a stab at Stand-Up is going to be harder than popping down my local Jongleurs, as they don't do an open-mike night.

However I am interested in having a go if I can actually work out where I can do it.

You be sure to let us know how it went.
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www.lizmadsen.com

a couple extra elephant jokes

a man's stood at a pub urinal when an elephant arrives and uses the one next to him, the elephant looks the man up and down then says "you'll never pull tree up with that..."

why do elephants drink?
to forget

why did the elephant wear sunglasses?
so he wouldn't get regognised in a crowd

why does an elephant have four feet?
he'd look out of proportion with only four inches...

Very good Stoo.
I had to think about the last one.....d'oh!