Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I called mine love. Now, love has been very embarrassing to me on a number of occasions. When I went to the City Council to renew my dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for love. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had love since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have love at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But love has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around love." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having love at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for love. He said that every room in the Hotel is a place for love. I said, "You don't understand. ... love keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered love in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have love in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have love on TV." He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had love before I was married but love left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last month love ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4am in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for love." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "love has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that love isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."