Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy O'Toole, looking like he'd just been
run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his
face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little shit, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to you,
he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you
have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
beauty it was, but useless in a fight."

Nearly wet myself coz of this one
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Joey-Jim was tooling along the road one fine day when the local policeman, a friend of his, pulled him over. "What's wrong, Seamus?" Joey-Jim asked. "Well didn't ya know, Joey-Jim, that your wife fell out of the car about five miles back?" said Seamus. "Ah, praise the Almighty!" he replied with relief. "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
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An Irishman had no idea his wife was having an affair, so he was mad with grief when coming home early one day he surprised her and her lover in the act.

He grabbed a pistol and pointed it at his head, which made his wife burst out laughing.

"What do you think you're laughing at," he cried, "you're next!!!"
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Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
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An Irish man goes for a job on a building site & the forman asks him a few questions.

Can you dig a hole? Of course I can dig a hole says the Irishman!

Can you make a cup of tea? Of course I can make a cup of tea!

Can you drive a forklift truck? Jusus says the Irishman, How bigs the fekin T-pot?
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Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one.

Paddy Murphy was drunk!
He was pulled in for speeding on the M5 in his JCB GT! problem was he was driving the thing right down the middle of two lanes!!!!!!!

The speed cop asks him what the hell he thought he was doing!

Paddy says "Well deree office it says on moi driving liscence tear down the dotted line"!
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This guy is liscensed to chill, and thrill, but the opportunities to thrill are rather less than anticipated!!!!

Great Irish Jokes Aradon and Eccles.

I do know more but they are the very well known ones.

And some jokes sound their best when you say them out loud.

Mark..