It's quite long but please stick with it, it made me laugh like a drain the first time i heard it.




A man is running down glasgow highstreet with his hands over his crotch, clearly in desperate need of a toilet. As he rushes around looking for a public convenience he's making all sorts of noises that a normal man shouldnt make, squeels and moans of a man in agony.

Suddenly in the distance he spots a toilet and makes a beeline for it, sending people flying as he barges thtough and slams through the door.

The man dashes into the toilet and darts immediatly into a spot between two men at the urinal. The two men look at him briefly as he rushes to unzip, fumbling with the fly clumbsily. Finally the man unzips himself and pulls out his 'member' and proceeds to relieve himself.

To the anger of the two men next to him, the man's urnine sprays everywhere and splatters the two bystanders.

"What the hell!", the man to his left says.

The two bystanders cant help but look down and see the state of the man's bits. They looks back at each other in anger and confusion.

"You need to take that thing to a doctor!", says the man to his right in near disgust.

Suitably embarassed, the man shakes himself off and apologizes. "Sorry, i'm so sorry, i will do."


The next day the man schedules a doctors appointment and goes into the practice. When he's called into the examination room Doctor Wilson sits him down.

"What seems to be the problem?"

"Well, it's a bit embarassing...it's my....well when i went to the toilet it just went everywhere. I dont know what the problem is."

Understand what the man means, Dr. Wilson tells him to remove his trousers and underwear so he can examine the offending equipment. The man does so and stand nervously while the Doctor takes a look.

"Hmmmmmm." The Doctor grumbles while taking a look with a magnifying glass.

"Is something wrong, Doctor?"

"I'm afraid so." The Doctor says in a very composed voice.

"You can tell me, Doc....how bad is it?"

The Doctor stands up fully and moves back to his desk when he begins to flick through a roladex of business cards.

"I'm afraid you have hundreds of small holes in your penis." With a very plain look and calm voice the Doctor continues to look through the business cards with interest before finding what he is looking for and pulling it out.

"Oh my, that sounds horrible...what's the card for? Do i have to see a specialist?"

"No no no.....it's a friend of mine. He's a Clarinet player, he'll tell you how to hold it."