No offence to anyone from essex ... the Glasgow speak one is hilarious too

Another lesson in Essex speak

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In the event of finding oneself in the county of Essex, (after boarding the wrong train, for example, or taking an enforced traffic diversion), familiarity with some of the colloquial language in popular usage may be helpful.

alma chizzit - A request to find the cost of an item.

amant - Quantity; sum total ("Thez a yuge amant of mud in Saffend").

awss - A four legged animal, on which money is won, or more likely lost ("That awss ya tipped cost me a fiver t'day").

branna - More brown than on a previous occasion ("Ere, Trace, ya look branna today, ave you been on a sunbed?").

bruvva - Male relative sharing same parents ("Me bruvva's back in court on Tuesday").

cort a panda - Large hamburger.

dan in the maff- Unhappy ("Wossmatta, Trace, ya look a bit dan in the maff").

eye-eels - Women's shoes affording significant elevation to the wearer.

Furrock - The location of Lakeside Shopping Centre.

garrij - A building where a car is kept or repaired (Trace: "Oi, Darren, I fink the motah needs ta go in the garrij cos it aint working proper, innit").

Ibeefa - Balaeric holiday island.

innit - Modifier, usually at end of sentence, to check or clarify that statement is accurate or understood (see "garrij" above - "it ain't working proper, innit").

lafarjik- Lacking in energy ("I feel all lafarjik").

oi oi! - Traditional greeting. Often heard from the doorway of pubs or during banging dance tunes at clubs.

owssband - Unable to leave the house because of illness, disability etc.

paipa - The Sun, The Mirror or The Sport.

reband- The period of recovery and emotional turmoil after rejection by a loved one ("I couldn't elp it, I wuz on the reband from Craig").

Saffend - Essex coastal resort boasting the longest pleasure pier in the world. The place where the characters from TV's, popular soap opera, Eastenders go on holiday.

shu' up - Direct request for quiet ("shu' up, I'm tryiner watch Eastenders").

tan - The city of London, the big smoke.

war' er - transparent colourless liquid; molecular structure characterised by two hydrogen atoms and one oxygen atom; vital to all lifeforms.

webbats - Querying the location of something or someone. ("Webbats is me dole card Trace? I've gotta sign on in arf hour").

wonnid - 1. Desired, needed. 2. Wanted by the police.

zaggerate - To imply that something is bigger or better than it actually is.
("I told ya a fazzand times already").

They use "amant" here... although here it means "I'm not"
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You know that look women get when they want love? Me neither!

yeah i use that too

oi oi savaloy
i dun undastand why iss in the joke section? Is all propa english init?
Ok so spellin int so good but least ya learn a propa way to speak,
.....shud be made a sticky in evry section!


oh by da way, "tan" dont avta mean the big car park (lunden).... tan means tan as in not a villidge, ya local tan centre
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