An expert was trying to boot his computer, and he came out with "the bloody things down".

His assistent came up and said "have you tried rubbing it and giving it kind words about why it shouldn't?"

The expert replied "It's not my wife when I try to persuade her to stop buying stuff from catalogues"

>

A willow tree farmer left his farm to his son in his will "to continue my legacy"

The son said "he really was a basket case then".

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Couple of friends are in a bar one night, and one says "any plans for tomorrow"?

One replies "I'm going to test the engine thoroughly"

The second replies "giving the fur lining a good trim"

The third says "giving the body work a touchup"

the fourth one says "I don't own a car", to which all the others laugh and say "we pity your girlfriend then"

I'm not sure if you have realised it already and that is your intention, but none of these jokes are funny.

Are you looking for ironic laughter?

I had to laugh at these. They are so awful!

They actually make me feel better about myself

I thought that too

Think this maybe the reaction he was after
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Let this be a lesson to us all.

maybe they're jokes in another language that don't translate well. My hungarian lodger tells me hungarian jokes translated into english and they're not funny. ever.
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