1 Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.



2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says,

'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'



3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.



4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.



5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:

'A beer please, and one for the road.'



6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other:

Does this taste funny to you?'



7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'

That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common?'

Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'



8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'

'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.



9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.



10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.



11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day,

but I couldn't find any.



12. I went to a seafood disco last week - and pulled a mussel.



13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.



14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'



15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the
craft.

Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that
you can't have your kayak and heat it too.



16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in
the
lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to
disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
' Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open
foyer.'



17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt, and is named 'Ahmal.'The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him 'Juan.'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds,'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'



18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.



19. And finally, there was the person who sent nineteen different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.

No pun in ten did.
_________________
You are only young once . . . but you can stay immature indefinitely!

He-he, it's like reading a script by Milton Jones.

I don’t know about you, but I really hate sitting in traffic. ’Cause I always get run over.

My mother made us eat all sorts of vitamins and supplements, until one day I nearly choked on part of The Sunday Times

When my grandfather became ill, my grandmother greased his back. After that, he went downhill very quickly.

I got arrested for playing chess in the street the other day. I said to the officer, “It's because I’m black, isn’t it?”

Two oranges sitting in a bar
One says to the other
Your round!!
(well it made me giggle)

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

my favorite that!

What do you call a pig with 5 eyes?

A piiiiig.

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea?

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea?

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and chewing a razor blade?
Still no bloody idea?

Q. What's green and smelly and eats nuts?
A. Syphilis!!!