1) Assistant Accounts Administrator. Makes me sound like some junior jackass.

2) Football is not rubbish, therefore the question is irrelevant.

3) I don't sunbathe.

4) I didn't make any

5) Get down to London asap to be with the one I love for the last few moments.
_________________

1) What is your current job title.?

My official job title probably doesnt exist anymore..and I dont understand any of the new ones

2) Do you like watching rubbish.. oh i mean football on tv.?

Love the world cup with all the different styles. Even now England are out. I must be getting old


3) Have you done much sunbathing this year ?

I dont sunbathe, but I like walking in the sun.

4) How many of your New year resolutions still stand (if you made any ) ?

Broke them all on the first day


5) IF you found out the world was going to end at 9.30Am on saturday 26/6/10... what would you do ?

That puts an end to these end of the world rumours.

1) What is your current job title.?

Don't have a job, and it's summer, so I guess layabout. However I will be returning to Uni in the autumn.

2) Do you like watching rubbish.. oh i mean football on tv.?

I prefer going to games, but can't afford to recently, so yes, I love watching football on TV.


3) Have you done much sunbathing this year ?

None, but I do spend a lot of time out in the sun. I prefer it when I'm at a festival or with friends doing something sociable. Just lying in the sun is incredibly boring.

4) How many of your New year resolutions still stand (if you made any ) ?

All of them are broken, but that was the point in making them. I never stick to them.


5) IF you found out the world was going to end at 9.30Am on saturday 26/6/10... what would you do ?

It'd already have ended by now, so there'd not be much I could do. However if I found out it would be tomorrow I'd probably steal a Ferrari, always wanted to have a go in one.
_________________
Vidi Vici Veni

I got in touch with my feminine side. She emailed me back saying if I ever contacted her again she'd call the police.

Where's the new 5 questions then? Hmm... well, to get the ball rolling again, here's some new ones:

You've just killed your neighbour in their own home, with an aquatic spear-gun, after finding your current partner has cheated on you with them. You're just about to re-enter your own property with the re-loaded spear-gun - to murder your partner as they sit watching TV - just as an ice-cream van enters your street and you feel like having a Cider Lolly.

Do you:

1) Go and buy a lolly yourself and don't bother to buy your partner one, not even a strawberry mivvy; then, walk away from the van - and the situation, leave your partner as-is, relent, go on the run, become a tramp for several years, and only occasionally kill more people for their purse or wallet - when and if you feel peckish and fancy a KFC, McD, BK or if really splashing out, a Subway meatball sandwich with salad, chilli sauce and fresh anchovies tucked underneath one end of a sweet cos lettuce leaf - the leaf being a chilled, crisp cradle for the mouth-watering hot delicacy?

2) Wait until all the children have finished attending the van, then... kill the driver and use the van to dispose of the bodies in - telling on-lookers it's all faked and part of a TV show and, before you drive away with the corpses tagged-and-bagged in the back, you remove the boxes of delicious Orange Maid lollies, coca cola popsicles, and of course the melt-on-the-tongue, beautiful chocolate flakes used in the 99 ice-creams - from the van - and place them all in your own home-freezer to nosh on... when you get back from the disused quarry mine shaft and want to relax with the TV remote control all to yourself after showering and washing your clothes?

3) Buy the lolly, savour it right down to the stick then... as you finish it, toss the stick away (after reading the joke on it first) and then re-enter your house - and impale the cheating, lying, dirty b*stard whilst screaming through clenched teeth: "There you are... you see what you get? THAT'S what you get..." - then afterwards, remembering the voucher's you'd acquired from training at a local gym, them entitling you to a free 5-course French dinner at your local 5-star hotel; so you wash, change, drive, and seat yourself in the hotel dining area and treat yourself to mouth-watering quail eggs and petit-pois smothered in a delicious cheese and coriander sauce, and all smothering a honey-roasted side of lochmuir salmon accompanied by a chilled glass of sparkling perrier water with ice and a slice of lemon?

4) Stay in your neighbours house - ignoring the ice-cream van, waiting until the van's gone; and... one by one, as your neighbour's family each return... one by one, you kill them... all of them - and stack their corpses up in the lounge. Then... you cook a nice fry-up in their kitchen, with smoked haddock, buttered mushrooms, sunny-side-up eggs, topping the dish off afterwards with a delicious lemon an lime sorbet from their refrigerator, followed by a bitter-sweet Irish coffee with raw cane demerara sugar lightly powdered around the lip of the glass, ending with an after-eight mint and, if you feel like one, a smooth, relaxing St Moritz cigarette... before returning home and spear-gunning your partner?

Or...

5) Do you just turn yourself in... to the Police - after the immediate and completely gratifying act of impaling your neighbour's head to the wall in their home, care of a Teflon-coated, tungsten-tipped, 4-foot length of sleek, cool, satin-finished stainless steel bar travelling at 100m/s as you'd released the eager, wanting-to-kill hair-trigger... just as the spear-gun 'told' you to do it and the other invisible, whispering voice in your left ear was telling you of the traditional English dishes and cuisine served in jail: mash, beans, fish fingers, ketchup, bread and butter and... a nice pint-mug of steaming, free-refill, fresh tea - followed by a bowl of jelly and... if you're lucky... an occasional Christmas trifle with a real vanilla-sponge base and a dash of Cornish dark-blended sherry?

I aint reading all that! NONE of the above!

Depends on the level of questioning, attention span of the reader, combined with their level of self-respect when commenting... and, the 5 questions were answered - but with a declination! Time for 5 more questions then hey...

1) What is more difficult for you; looking into someone’s eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into someone’s eyes when they are telling you how they feel?


2)Think of the last time you were REALLY angry.How did you react?

3) You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane. You get enough time to make ONE phone call. Who would you call?

4)You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

5) You can have one of the following two things: trust/love.which would you choose?



1 - Looking them in the eye when im telling them how i feel.

2 - I trashed a garden and fucked myself up doing it.

3 - My cousin. And i'd ask him why the marry i was in Honolulu in the first place.

4 A - No
4 B - I'd eat everything i can, like i would devour every meal under the sun. Then i'd probably murder a few people i dislike.
4 C - Everyones time comes /shrug

5 - Trust and love are both pretty pointless

Good solid answers those! So on a lighter note, here's a few positive relationship-building ones:

Q1. If you could mechanically inflate a part of an Ex’s body (whilst they’re still living) and then burst it - which part would it be, and why?

Q2. If you could donate your Ex’s body (after death) to an underground medical research project - which project would it be, and why?

Q3. If you could blackmail your Ex for £15M, leaving them completely bankrupt - eating out of dustbins, prostituting themselves - how would you do it, and what would you spend the money on?

Q4. If you could conduct a Satanic ritual on your Ex, to promote uncontrollable hair growth on a particular part of their body (even on internal organs), which part would it be, and what would you use as grounds for exacting the ritual?

Q5. If you wanted to stay on good terms with your Ex, have them in for coffee, be close friends – for the children’s sake... could you resist the temptation to amputate their left arm after they fall unconscious after binge drinking - or would you perform the surgery, put their arm in their freezer, then leave them a witty note saying: ‘Drinking is bad for you’ - on leaving?!!!!!

im all over this one


Q1. If you could mechanically inflate a part of an Ex’s body (whilst they’re still living) and then burst it - which part would it be, and why?

- Her bum. If i cant get it anymore no one else is going to!


Q2. If you could donate your Ex’s body (after death) to an underground medical research project - which project would it be, and why?

I dunno..Human bomb maybe...Why? i have no idea.

Q3. If you could blackmail your Ex for £15M, leaving them completely bankrupt - eating out of dustbins, prostituting themselves - how would you do it, and what would you spend the money on?

love tape on the net would make her pay up. I'd spend the money on prostitutes, houses {remodelling, need to get the money back from the prostitutes somehow..theyre fucken expensive} and travelling

Q4. If you could conduct a Satanic ritual on your Ex, to promote uncontrollable hair growth on a particular part of their body (even on internal organs), which part would it be, and what would you use as grounds for exacting the ritual?

Facial hair definately

Q5. If you wanted to stay on good terms with your Ex, have them in for coffee, be close friends – for the children’s sake... could you resist the temptation to amputate their left arm after they fall unconscious after binge drinking - or would you perform the surgery, put their arm in their freezer, then leave them a witty note saying: ‘Drinking is bad for you’ - on leaving?!!!!!

wat

Five new questions.

1. The government have forced you to adopt a set penguin. What do you name it?
2. What's your favourite radio station?
3. You get to meet god, and ask him one question. What is it?
4. And you get his omnipotence for 10 minutes, what do you do?
5. Are jubbly's (the had lollies) that nice?
_________________
Vidi Vici Veni

I got in touch with my feminine side. She emailed me back saying if I ever contacted her again she'd call the police.

Five new questions.

1. The government have forced you to adopt a set penguin. What do you name it?
2. What's your favourite radio station?
3. You get to meet god, and ask him one question. What is it?
4. And you get his omnipotence for 10 minutes, what do you do?
5. Are jubbly's (the had lollies) that nice?
_________________
I got in touch with my feminine side. She emailed me back saying if I ever contacted her again she'd call the police.



1. Morty

2. 97.9 Rick and froggy show (hilasrious Commentary)

3. Why dont you look like your pictures?

4. Have him try an apple

5. Dont know what it is but I am sure it is good!

Now:

1. Would you eat a scorpion dipped in chocolate and hot chilli powder?

2. If someone offered you 1 Million Euro would you
eat bull testicles covered in meal worms?

3. Lay naked upon the frozen ice of a pond?

4. Stand naked upon your closest balcony singing "O,so lo mio" (SP)

5. Give all you lifes earinings to someone who needed it?

1. Would you eat a scorpion dipped in chocolate and hot chilli powder?

Yes if it was Dead

2. If someone offered you 1 Million Euro would you
eat bull testicles covered in meal worms?

Yes if they were not attacched to a live bull

3. Lay naked upon the frozen ice of a pond?

Yes if no one was watching

4. Stand naked upon your closest balcony singing "O,so lo mio" (SP)

Probably not

5. Give all you lifes earinings to someone who needed it?

Family or best friend. Yes

Same again