Shove a cocktail sausage up BOTH nostrils and a proper size Savoury Egg in his mouth.....all in the name of fun at his work's birthday party!

That was for moose!

For loveleelady, I'd send greendevil round with his 20cms.......

i would stab him, stuff him and put him in the garden to scare people away

Use you as my assistant to perform the Joker's "disappearing pencil" trick.

Drown him in a vat of liquid marzipan and feed him to Marjorie Dawes, the Little Britain Fat Fighters representative

make her eat so much chocolate fudge cake that she pops!



(sory LV)

tie him to a chair and make him watch every single soppy film ever made

paint her red and lock her in a bull ring with 20 bulls

go all hanibal on him and make him eat his own brain mm meaty!

lets just say it would involve 3 cats, a mop, a very large bag,a pot of glue, and a dwarf called stanley

suffocate her with her bagpuss

lock him in a room with barney the dinasour and the telle tubbies he will soon kill himself

go all hanibal lecter and make him eat himself starting with the feet mmmmm feet!

cut him open pull his intestines out and hang him with them