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Home >> Dating >> What makes a decent guy???
01.08.2008, 21:07 quote
The distinction needs to be made between a 'decent guy' and a 'perfect guy' - the latter probably doesn't exist unless you accept that no one is perfect. Relationships work on a basis of two people being attracted to certain factors about each other and managing to overlook the flaws.
02.08.2008, 03:39 quote
| eda85 wrote: |
| The distinction needs to be made between a 'decent guy' and a 'perfect guy' - the latter probably doesn't exist unless you accept that no one is perfect. Relationships work on a basis of two people being attracted to certain factors about each other and managing to overlook the flaws. |
Very insightful.
02.08.2008, 22:18 quote
| chikhai wrote: |
| Women very, very, very rarely find Mr Right because their expectations are too high and they're unwilling to accept that nobody, yes nobody, will match all the criteria they're looking for.
There are a lot of women out there (not all, thank marry) who won't give a man a second glance because he doesn't tick all of the seemingly infinite boxes they've assigned to the man of their dreams. Theres one woman I know who can't hold down a relationship for longer than a couple of months because of this. She even freely admits its because of her high standards. Every time she gets involved with someone she ends up getting hurt, and this happens regularly. More importantly she hurts the men who are taken in by her charms. These are decent guys whos only crime has been not making the grade. In this case 'making the grade' means not fulfilling something trivial. For both parties this isn't going to be pretty in the long run. The men (good blokes, not your average wankers) have their confidence destroyed and she spends a lot of time on her own needlessly. I can see a lot of cats in her future. I think men are a little more realistic with their expectations. We're simple creatures. Its like buying a car; you know what you're after, but you know that theres always a catch. If you buy a sports car you know you'll pay through the nose to insure it. If you want something more practical you know your mates will probably piss themselves laughing when they see you in it for the first time. It really is that simple. Using that same analogy, women want a Ferrari that does 80 miles to the gallon, is group 4 insurance and lets you fit your weekly shopping in the boot. Guess what? Its not going to happen. Of course the other problem you have is that women aren't satisfied once they've got their dream man. Oh no. Once they've snagged him they have to change him. Riddle me this Batman; if a woman wants a man who is confident, 'manly' (for want of a better word) and able to stand up for himself then why the marry do they devote so much time to crushing his spirit and moulding him into some simpering wetback? The man you have now is the man you wanted, remember? Anyway, there probably is a template for a decent guy, but he doesn't exist, and even if he did he still wouldn't be right 6 months down the line. I've come to the conclusion that the men aren't at fault here. Women have wholly unrealistic expectations, and when it comes to matters of the heart they have trouble separating fantasy from reality. Men are not flawless and neither are you. We all have aspects of ourselves that aren't pallatable, just don't get hung up on them. Deal with them. The whole is more than the sum of the parts. |
Luckily you're not replying to a woman, else she'd say, "well... can anyone answer my question?".
It's true and I've been saying it for years - they have unrealistic expectations. Sure you need standards, but no one is perfect. Trying to mould someone doesn't work either, unless the guy has been neutered.
It's all this double standards bollocks, "he has to be x, x, y, y, z, z... remove that mole baby..." and then,
"Why should I get a boob job?"
"You forced me to rid part of myself... my identity..."
"That's different. I am not changing myself for anyone, especially you"
- Pisses me off.
Women would rather have this idea of Mr. Fantastic than be with someone who fits half the criteria. Some of them rather love the idea that some guy far away wants them, but when it's crunch time in person... say hey diddly to just being friends.
Also, yes... yes women are at fault. Men are just being themselves. You knew what you were getting into and suddenly you hate his one slight, mildly annoying fault and would rather marry off than sort it out or tolerate it like you've been doing for the past several months.
02.08.2008, 22:35 quote
What make a decent woman?
I think it's not so different. If both men and women are honest and faithful that would be a great start. 
02.08.2008, 22:43 quote
| daver80 wrote: |
| What make a decent woman?
I think it's not so different. If both men and women are honest and faithful that would be a great start. |
If only it was so simple.
02.08.2008, 23:10 quote
Well... just want to say a big thank you to everyone taking part.
Rocketgirl
I do not mind you going off topic anytime, like the views and how you say it.
I wasn't expecting a long list or anything but certainly did get an eyeful of people's opinions Thanks.
I was kinda curious and wanted other people's thoughts on this matter, now I have 
.
02.08.2008, 23:14 quote
That's a lovely cat snoopy. What's his/ her name?
By the way, I'm not trying to chat you up or 'owt. I'm a cat person.
02.08.2008, 23:25 quote
HIS name is Sparkey. My best friends cat but have joint access to him since he was a mere little tearaway, actually he still is a little tearaway 
[/b]
02.08.2008, 23:41 quote
| Teggro wrote: |
| Some of them rather love the idea that some guy far away wants them, but when it's crunch time in person... say hey diddly to just being friends. |
Oh fucking hell Teggs. Lets not even get started on that one.
I am convinced that at least 50%, ah marry it, lets be realistic, 90% of women that sign up to dating sites have absolutely no intention of meeting a man from there, let alone going any further than a drink and adding them on Facebook.
I've even heard it from the horse's mouth. Its been brought up a time or two where I work and all the women who admitted to signing up to a dating site all said things along the lines of 'oh I'm just doing it for a laugh' 'I don't get the chance to meet anyone' (maybe because your arse is sat in front of the PC all the time?) 'all the men I meet when I go out are only after one thing' and (here comes the real pisser) 'I just want someone to talk to because I'm too busy to meet anyone'.
Granted, that isn't the broadest cross-section of women in the world, but what can you say? Of about a half-a-dozen who owned up only one of them had actually stepped up to the plate and met someone from a dating site. Not only this but they had dated them for several weeks before starting a relationship with them. Okay, the relationship died on it's arse after only a few months but the point still stands.
Virtual men are the future. In a society that continues to marginalise the role of the male we'd be better off writing a program that can simulate the ideal man over MSN, packaging it with a rabbit and a years supply of Jaffa cakes or crisps and using the profits to invset in robot wives. Sorted. Everybody wins.
02.08.2008, 23:50 quote
Make it Galaxy chocolate instead of Jaffa cakes and crisps, and you've got yourself a deal.
Just kidding.
Sadly, I think you are right.
Welcome to the Brave New Virtual World.
If you get bored by it, try Second Life. I read about that, you can be whoever you want to be so you got no excuse if you get bored or your relationship goes tits up. You create what you want.
Yeah, its a crazy world alright! 
03.08.2008, 00:07 quote
| Quote: |
| oh I'm just doing it for a laugh |
That may be a case of them being a little embarrassed. I say may. Some of them probably do join for kicks.
I know I'm reiterating when I say most of them don't reply, even though they have advertised, "message me and we'll chat", but it pisses me off a lot. I now see this whole thing as going for jobs online - most of them don't reply, some of them are knobs and the one in a million will be right for you... or at least something will happen, but you quit cos they constantly nagged you for more, when they knew perfectly well what they were getting.
Yeah - with all the benefits from having kids, who needs a man?
There's a possibility that women do not want a relationship (with a man) as we're often seen as dogs and "only after one thing". Maybe they shouldn't be such idiots as to go with these knobbers, then maybe... yes maybe we wouldn't be thought of like that. Hell... there's women like it too, "I love a huge brain...", "He must be..." blah blah, blah. Then there's those in denial (yes denial. I don't throw this word around much), "all my exs turned out to be after one thing. I want a kind, gentle, strong guy that knows me well"... whilst telling this to their best (male, heterosexual) friend, who is there thinking, "I'm the perfect guy, you dumb b..."... and she will only ever regard him as a friend, whilst she continually gets drunk at clubs and goes with guys... oh... another dog was he? Nevermind. 
Oh... and he's left to fix this train wreck.
Women should learn good guys don't hang about forever.
03.08.2008, 00:19 quote
| Teggro wrote: | ||
That may be a case of them being a little embarrassed. I say may. Some of them probably do join for kicks. I know I'm reiterating when I say most of them don't reply, even though they have advertised, "message me and we'll chat", but it pisses me off a lot. I now see this whole thing as going for jobs online - most of them don't reply, some of them are knobs and the one in a million will be right for you... or at least something will happen, but you quit cos they constantly nagged you for more, when they knew perfectly well what they were getting. Yeah - with all the benefits from having kids, who needs a man? There's a possibility that women do not want a relationship (with a man) as we're often seen as dogs and "only after one thing". Maybe they shouldn't be such idiots as to go with these knobbers, then maybe... yes maybe we wouldn't be thought of like that. Hell... there's women like it too, "I love a huge brain...", "He must be..." blah blah, blah. Then there's those in denial (yes denial. I don't throw this word around much), "all my exs turned out to be after one thing. I want a kind, gentle, strong guy that knows me well"... whilst telling this to their best (male, heterosexual) friend, who is there thinking, "I'm the perfect guy, you dumb b..."... and she will only ever regard him as a friend, whilst she continually gets drunk at clubs and goes with guys... oh... another dog was he? Nevermind.
Oh... and he's left to fix this train wreck. Women should learn good guys don't hang about forever. |
Quit moaning, man. You're worse than a woman!
03.08.2008, 00:20 quote
It's not all whinging... honest.
With regards to that last line - it is not a current situation with me, but it has happened and is happening to many mmen out there. It's a frustrating place to be.
03.08.2008, 07:45 quote
| Teggro wrote: |
| It's not all whinging... honest.
With regards to that last line - it is not a current situation with me, but it has happened and is happening to many mmen out there. It's a frustrating place to be. |
It is exactly the same for women you know ....... i was very open to meeting guy's from the net with the view to forming a relationship ......... have met a few guys and only 2 where 'decent' ........ the rest where the 'only after one thing types'
It mkaes you very wary to begin to chat to anyone again, having to listen to all the b*llshit' on MSN etc, Women and Men alike would much prefer you to be honest about your intentions, if it's just a shag your after then just say it, there will be some Men/Women that will be happy to oblige i am sure ........
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