"My old girlfriend, Lisa, was so beautiful. She looked kind of like you. I used to bring her here all the time. Do you mind if I call you Lisa?

Well, I don't go out in public all too often. And I don't like to be touched, so don't touch me. And try not to stare at me. And let me know if anybody else is staring at me."

Think of me as your uncle

Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour.

have you ever been raped?
Would you like to be?

All my friends think I'm gay but I'm not. I just like the taste of brain

Wow, you kiss like my sister.

I am not gay but I have slept with a man who is.

I'm an expert in the sack - I've been practising with my neighbour's cat

Have you ever, say, masturbated a dog to practice the art?
They say practice makes perfect.

Everyone has one ugly girlfriend in their life. Once I dump you I'll have filled my quota

F**k Me! Look at the size of your adams apple.

So what exactly is a vagina?

My glans are swollen, here, feel for yourself.