act like a c*nt

Expose yourself (without being asked first).

now i have queens flash song in my head

say you like felching!

thats ok then, as long as you dont belch after you felch

i dont know what you mean

Just a few off the top of my head:

1. Keep telling your date to shut up.
2. Pretend to be a ventriloquist's dummy (for the whole evening).
3. Keep trying to bat away invisible flies.
4. Punch the table occasionally while you're talking, for emphasis.

sit there and say nothing all night

Let her choose the pub venue, talk incessantly and then moan about the rats walking around eating the food scraps left by messy eaters. And to top it off whatever you do don't let her see that maybug..............

Of course, after offering to retire inside the pub as i did and her refusing, you can then laugh your ass off each time she squeals about seeing yet another rat.

On finally retiring inside you can offer her a plate of rattatouille from the specials menu

That reminds me of a date I had.

He sugested that I chose what we did.

I picked a lovely country area near where I lived and he spent the whole day moaning about it and looking for a pub. Then when I apologised for the fact that he wasn't enjoying the area he said 'well it isn't the sort of place I would have picked, it's boring'.

Needless to say there was no second date!

Lick her face like a dog would.