how many of them are cheating on their partners with a bit of discreet fun?
Can they still be 'nice' if they're cheats?
Are they up front about having a partner or might you end up unknowingly supporting their cheating behaviour?

Discuss
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well ill be straight. im in a relationship but my mrs well goes out every weekend fri sat sun and most weekends she stays out on a friday or saturday night,and tells me she staying at her freinds lol,now we not had love for over 14 months now and weve not kisses probally about the same amount of time,so now i think i dont want to kick her out and upset my 2 kids 1 at 14 1 at 6,so what i am attemting to do is get someone i can secretly have 1 night stands with but in the daytime,so my kids dont miss me as there so use to me doing most things for them,i take the school do most meals and take them out ect pictures and stuff,and this is while i have a job,so i think i should be allowed to have a little fun,ive forgot what its like to kiss a girl let alone have love with her
.so im looking for a bit of discreet fun whether it be just kiss and cuddles or love im not to bothered,i just want to feel a little loved

is there any harm to this???????????

before you say talk it out with her,been there done that tried the lot,so my next step is probally best for me,to try find a lady or girl who will give me few kisses and cuddles or even that little bit more,i would be happy just to be able to snog a girl again ll

I'm not a judgemental kind of person myself but I think these subjects are good for public discussion because they show the shades of grey that can help others in similar positions or give people a better understanding.
At the end of the day, we each have our own 'standards of acceptibility' and what values we consider make a 'nice person'.
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I think chris47000 is siting on a time bomb of a situation and your letting your kids sit on it too. I guess it all depends on how civil you keep things with a partner that obviously does not want you. But what are your kids learning from your relationship?

I went through a similar situation but for my own self esteem and to stop my kids being affected we agreed to split.

As for cheating and still being a nice person, i'd have to say no. If your with someone your with someone, it's really not fair to not sort out your situation before getting your end away.

we are still good together in the way of talking ect,our kids no nothing and think all is normal,its ok judgeing a person for doing wrong,but you cannot unitill you have been in this kind of situation

we still do daily things together shopping ect so kids see normal life,

ive been with this girl 20 years now so as you can imagen we are not going to blank each other out let the kids feel the pressure are we now.god knows what will happen but what ever it is our kids will be fine,so i cheat on these grounds as im getting no love and i just want to feel loved a little,we all need lovin

I dont think you can say all people that cheat are not nice people. Yes what they are doing is wrong and hurtful towards their partner but you can not say as a general they are bad people. People cheat for various reasons and the majority of the reasons as to why the cheat are cos they are gutless wankers/bitches but im pretty sure that they can still be nice people to others and in a different way and i say that as someone that has been cheated on mind you one was a complete cunt and the second well the less said and less time spent thinking about him the better!!!

I do realise that someone will pick this apart and say how can you say that when you said this bla bla bla but its not like they have murdered so why cant they have other nice attributes!

I dont think this made any sense but hey ho, it did to me!

and as for chris, i cant see how staying in a loveless marraiage is any good for either of you, your kids are not that young and im pretty sure they are fully aware of what is going on, you dont realise how much kids see and hear, even if your not arguing and still get on, they will still know and thats not good for them. Also you both are stopping yourself from moving on and finding someone else. One day one of you are going to meet someone and want to leave and be with them, what will you tell your kids then? Will you let them think that you have just met someone else or the truth that you have not been 'together' for some time? Im pretty sure that either way they are going to be upset but im sure they will feel more upset knowing that their parents marriage is a lie. Im not getting at you at all, its your life, you do what you want but i think you both need to think about the bigger picture here.... how long can you both carry on living a lie?

I think like Sue says, lots of grey areas. A person could be the nicest in one way, the worst in another. Whether that covers cheating or not, is down to opinion.

First of all you have to consider that there's no way humans are meant to be monogamous. If we were meant to be, we would be, it'd be an instinct.

I know that I'm one of the nicest you'll meet in any situation that I have to interact with you. In person, online, whatever. I've worked hard over the years to keep my nasty side in check, now I hardly have to think about it at all. However I do have certain traits that when they out, make me a rather unpleasant person to be around. It doesn't mean I'm not nice, it means I make mistakes and lose control. In other words, I'm human.
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I got in touch with my feminine side. She emailed me back saying if I ever contacted her again she'd call the police.

when I was 18 I lived with a family going through a marriage breakdown and they had a 5 year old boy who they believed had no idea. They took me as a lodger 'cos they thought it would make them behave better with each other.
What I learned from this was that it's NOT always best for kids, for parents to stay together, even thought they may say " we stayed together for the kid's sake" The little lad ended up needing special counselling 'cos of the situation he was living in AND HE KNEW even that young age that his home was not secure.
When I worked in a child psychiatric and adolescent unit, that too showed me that ALL kids were affected more than their parents realised by loveless or bad relationships between them. Basically I'm saying don't underestimate what children are aware of.
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If you know she's doing it and you already do everything for the children anyway, throw her out.

All that will come of it is bad news for yourself mate, seriously. You shouldn't have to put up with it and the kids will pick up on the fact that there's something not right between you.

It might be difficult for you and the kids to accept, but sometimes you have to take one on the chin.
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