Recently I had lunch with a woman I have deeply admired for some time. It was pretty much business/professional related. The next day I emailed her to let her know of my admiration for her and interest in knowing her more personally.

This is what I said: "You see, to put it mildly, I genuinely find you very interesting, and I would very much like to get to know you more personally"

The reason I emailed her was to indicate that I found it difficult to express that I desired her friendship without giving her the impression I wanted something more intimate, as in sexual. This is why I found it difficult to ask her out for coffee etc. In fact, whilst I would not turn down a sexual relationship with her, by "more personally" I did not necessarily have that in mind. Maybe I was intentionally unclear, yet in an unconscious sort of way.

Anyway, my confidence in emailing her was based on my past experience of her preening in my company, and on the fact that women tend to find my appearance to be quite attractive, and also in light of our having similar interests and ambitions.

I then regretted sending the email after not having received any reply for a day or so, and on the following day I emailed her again to apologise, explaining my behaviour as inappropriate, impulsive, selfish, etc. I told her I did not regret the way I felt but only the way I dealt with it.

She then replied to my emails, reassuring me that I need not feel ashamed for sending the email. This is her response:

"Really don’t worry about the email. I just read it this morning, as I try to make Saturday email-free. But it is not something you should be ashamed of. I’m not entirely sure how to respond; perhaps suffice to say that the expression of admiration is flattering. And impulsiveness is not always a bad thing. Sometimes we do have to simply grasp opportunity as it approaches, even if it doesn’t work out the way we hope. Anyway, look, stay in touch. Apart from anything else, the story about ####### sounds pretty interesting. To be fair – and clear – I do have to say that in terms of our interactions, anything more than friendship is unlikely for the simple fact that I’m already involved with someone else. But, it would be good to catch up and talk over a drink or coffee sometime. And as you know, I don’t bullshit much so I do mean that. So no harm done at all. "

Based on what I know about her I reckon her sign of interest is because it might be something we share in common.

Could you please advise me on how I should interpret her last few sentences, overall? Do you think her use of “unlikely” is intentionally ambiguous? She could have been more absolutist. Similarly, in saying that her reason for our remaining friends is “the simple fact that …,” is she suggesting that were she not presently in a relationship she might consider my offer? Or is she simply being polite by not saying straight out that she has no intimate interest in me? Her comma after "But" in her penultimate sentence seems to suggest that she does not want me to close the door on her. Am I reading too much into this? Also, do you think she took my desire to get to know her "more personally" in the wrong way, or is she just making sure that everything is clear? (the whole point in my initial email was to indicate to her that I wanted to be her friend, more than her mere acquaintance, and that I did not want her to take that to mean that I wanted an intimate, sexual relationship with her).

Anyway I replied to her email by thanking her for her understanding response, and by accepting her offer to meet some time to chat. I left it at that. It's now been three days and I've yet not heard a reply.

Thankyou

I think her email was quite clear, ....she said she was involved with someone and that she is unlikely to feel anything for you but friendship. If that is exceptable to you then fine, but if you have deep feelings for her then it's time to move on, ...better for you, better for her.

Completely off-topic (sorry) I noticed you live in Gosford, and your music preferences in your profile - you don't by any chance hang out at Lizotte's in Kincumber sometimes, do you? (Or The Break Bar in Terrigal?)


/* slaps my own wrist for going off-topic */

Darkhorse,

I am pretty new to Gosford so I've not heard of Lizotte's in Kincumber or The Break Bar in Terrigal. But if as your reply suggests they meet my tastes I might check them out soon.

Thanks for you views

Just thought I would respond to this, if that's ok. Being a woman and having been in a similar situation in the past.
I am not saying this lady thinks or feels the same way I did, but it may help you just to think about it from another woman's angle?
Like i said, similar scenario. I said pretty much the same thing.
I was in a relationship, I wanted to make it clear that i was only up for friendship, no matter what.
There is notihing worse - for me - to say to a guy "I am already with someone" then he says "Yeah but.....do you find me attractive?" That just puts my brick wall up, alarm bells ring.....cuz when i am with someone I dont even *think* about another guy being attractive...if i did, I would avoid him like the plague.
So, it sounds to me like she is saying "Yes, you are a nice interesting person, I am willing and interested in exploring further that discussion we had....BUT big big BUt.....if you got any other ideas, don't bother. So, Leave the ball in your court, if you can handle "just friends", lets do coffee, if not, I am giving you the diginity to walk away now".
In other words, if you sincerely mean to accept "just friendship" with a woman who is already taken, it's up to you to suggest coffee.
She isn't going to write you first. If she don't hear from you, she will assume you wanted more than just coffee and chat.
But, don't go rushing in emailing her right now, that will just serve to make her think you are secretly hoping to make her change her mind about you (well, it would me!).
Leave it a few more days, then Oh so casual like, contact her with a specific date/time/place - and know when else you are free in case she says thats not convenient and she suggest another - then sit back and patiently wait.
Like DH said, her time scale is not the same as yours.
Hope that helps!

Am i missing something here?

In your 3rd paragraph you say that you desired her friendship and did not want to give her the impression that you wanted something more intimate...as you did not have that in mind. So, she is offering you friendship as she is in a relationship herself, so what is the problem? She is offering what you say you want. Unless you do want a sexual relationship with her, in which cause you should have been more open in your original email to her by asking her to have dinner with you.

Be happy with what she is offering, if you're not then move on.

From my point of view, she could be keeping you for later.. That's why she didn't deny you completely and suggested you should catch up over a coffee sometime. Either that (which I find to be more possible) or she just wants to keep you as a friend (which of course could eventually lead to the previously mentioned too lol). Anyway... It's never bad to have another fan and nobody would ditch a fan, unless the later mentioned is a stalker.

p.s. I agree with what lilarose said too.
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www.lizmadsen.com

Maybe i can be too blunt at times but that would be my way of saying im not interested without causing difficulties at work. I wouldnt be one of those women who would really mean 'lets be friends' as i would always feel very awkward in your company at work following that exchange of emails. If she was unhappy in her relationship then she would have given you a hint of that ... i would let it go.

Explore those 'other interested people' as in my view she really isnt interested.
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Speaking from the female aspect, I think that you should just relax and let things be. I think emailing her the next day was too soon and second of all, telling someone in an email is not too bold and women like bold. Telling someone in person that you care for them is just better because they can see your expressions, and you maybe talking but your body language says so much more. I think the fact that you have her friendship right now is all you should concentrate on. If you truely care about her, be her friend and let her be in her relationship. The last thing you want is to compete with her now boyfriend. That will make things worse. To be honest, you sound like a great guy, but dont think so much. Things come to you when you least expect it. Right now, she needs you as a friend and to tell you the truth, relationships last longer and are a lot more fulfilling when you start as friends because there is more trust and not so much tension in the beginning.
Good luck, enjoy YOUR life and things will work out...I promise!