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Home >> Dating >> Looks vs. Personality
21.06.2007, 17:14 quote
Can I just say that I went out wih a bloke who looked like vincent out of beauty and the beast (the tv series with linda hamilton) he was very odd looking. But I thought he was the most georgous man on the planet. Still think of him as stunning. He had the most chilled out personality I know and that was what made him extra special.
21.06.2007, 18:10 quote
| scottie69 wrote: |
| hmm you cant elaborate on your own words? why not? |
I don't know what's not clear and what extra I could say, beyond not understanding why people try to give something so subjective a quality as "good looking" an objective description. I think it is such a personal and, for me, fragile thing. Someone who seems beautiful to look at, to me, can become ugly once they've opened their mouth and talked a little bit.
OK, well, that was my best effort at trying to say more about what I meant.
Also, with regards that whole looks vs personality thing. I think that some people who argue that looks are the most important thing for everyone, because of first impressions and the fact that you don't know what someone is like as a person, are misguided. They give the impression that the only way you come across potential mates is from afar, with no impression of what they're like as a person.
That's simply not true a lot of the time. You often get the chance to know people you whom you might not fancy from the moment you see them, but grow a feeling over a period of time, be that a few minutes, a few hours or even days or weeks. Also, for me, it happens quite often that physical traits I find attractive are not noticed immediately. I would be surprised if I was not alone in feeling like that.
Hope my waffling hasn't repeated too much of what has already been said
21.06.2007, 19:06 quote
| CharmingDave wrote: | ||
I don't know what's not clear and what extra I could say, beyond not understanding why people try to give something so subjective a quality as "good looking" an objective description. I think it is such a personal and, for me, fragile thing. Someone who seems beautiful to look at, to me, can become ugly once they've opened their mouth and talked a little bit. OK, well, that was my best effort at trying to say more about what I meant. |
erm ok well i think what i said was that some people like to try to conform to this ideal that the media put out, about what beauty is (take a look at cosmo magazine and i rest my case, its littered with pics of models with long skinny bodies, long flat hair and perfectly arched eyebrows etc!) then take a walk down any high street and see plenty of women trying to emulate it. what i was saying is that i find it attractive when people deviate from that and they dont actually conform to that idea of beauty because it isnt my own idea of beauty. i wouldnt normally think about it like this, but, to me if i am attracted to someone i just met its an unconscious thing, in the sense that i dont consciously control who i am attracted to its an instinctual thing.
sorry you cant understand that i do that, but in my attempt to express myself about this subject i refer to somebody elses idea of what might be considered beautiful (as held in the global media) in order to highlight the difference in what i like, compared to that. i am happy you have your own understanding of what you like, but i have mine and i am happy with that also and neither your idea or mine is right or wrong, just personal preference.
21.06.2007, 19:30 quote
| scottie69 wrote: |
| erm ok well i think what i said was that some people like to try to conform to this ideal that the media put out, about what beauty is (take a look at cosmo magazine and i rest my case, its littered with pics of models with long skinny bodies, long flat hair and perfectly arched eyebrows etc!) then take a walk down any high street and see plenty of women trying to emulate it. |
These models and stars can't even achieve it themselves, so no normal woman could get there anyway.
A search on glenn feron in google images shows how much work goes on after the photos are taken to get them to look like this imagined ideal. The guy is a genius, but I worry about the effect his work has.
Example.
21.06.2007, 20:04 quote
IMO its great if you can get both, but then, if I had to choose.. It (and i can honestly say) would be personality. I have been with stunning men, and they get boring or nasty after 2-3 weeks (not all I know..) but those who aint male models with great personalities ; I feel like I could be with forever. I soppose it has more to do with attraction or personality rather than looks or personality? I mean yeah i get attracted to the all round gorgeous men but then I find some that are not good looking, look odd (kinda lol) or just have a certain look about them and I'm instantly attracted. Whilst it would be lovely to find a man who is : good looking, has a great personality and is genuine, you dont meet many with the trio of qualities and even if you do.. thats not to say they will like you 
So yeah, hand on heart if I had to choose: man with not great looks but great personality wins my heart over a boring beautiful man!
22.06.2007, 08:01 quote
| CharmingDave wrote: | ||
I don't know what's not clear and what extra I could say, beyond not understanding why people try to give something so subjective a quality as "good looking" an objective description. I think it is such a personal and, for me, fragile thing. Someone who seems beautiful to look at, to me, can become ugly once they've opened their mouth and talked a little bit. OK, well, that was my best effort at trying to say more about what I meant. Also, with regards that whole looks vs personality thing. I think that some people who argue that looks are the most important thing for everyone, because of first impressions and the fact that you don't know what someone is like as a person, are misguided. They give the impression that the only way you come across potential mates is from afar, with no impression of what they're like as a person. That's simply not true a lot of the time. You often get the chance to know people you whom you might not fancy from the moment you see them, but grow a feeling over a period of time, be that a few minutes, a few hours or even days or weeks. Also, for me, it happens quite often that physical traits I find attractive are not noticed immediately. I would be surprised if I was not alone in feeling like that. Hope my waffling hasn't repeated too much of what has already been said |
Umm.. I think that's what I've been saying to some degree
22.06.2007, 08:34 quote
| CharmingDave wrote: |
| Someone who seems beautiful to look at, to me, can become ugly once they've opened their mouth and talked a little bit. |
Bingo.
Also, with regards to the 'attraction over time' thing; this is true, but how many people actually bother anymore? A lot of people take the fast-food approach when it comes to dating and relationships, so the concept of growing to like someone is becoming outdated.
Without wanting to sound like a stuck record here, how many profiles do you skip when you're browsing through this site? People don't help themselves in this regard as their profiles are, to be frank, pretty shit; with little or no effort given to hint at their character, instead they rely on their picture or a list of bands and authors to do it for them. If they took their time and made a proper job then people would be less inclined to skip 'em without a second thought, and take the chance to get to know them. It's a sales pitch when all is said and done.
I'm willing to bet there are thousands of potential matches on here. Yet they'll never happen because people won't take the chance based on what they see. I know I'm guilty of being way too choosey, and I'm willing to bet I'm not alone.
22.06.2007, 11:38 quote
| chikhai wrote: |
| Without wanting to sound like a stuck record here, how many profiles do you skip when you're browsing through this site? |
Oddly some of the ones I found interesting (not all obviously) have only logged on once written an extensive profile and then just vanished, a couple must have taken ages to do. People are strange. Unless their profiles were that good that they got snapped up the same day.
Personally my profile needs loads of work, but I got bored and wanted to get on the forums where it's more interesting.
22.06.2007, 16:13 quote
| chikhai wrote: |
|
Also, with regards to the 'attraction over time' thing; this is true, but how many people actually bother anymore? A lot of people take the fast-food approach when it comes to dating and relationships, so the concept of growing to like someone is becoming outdated. |
You think ? My impression is that it is still relatively common, but that is based on people I know who, despite the wide range in terms of years, might not be a fair sample of people generally. I don't know how to test whether that is the case or not.
| Quote: |
|
Without wanting to sound like a stuck record here, how many profiles do you skip when you're browsing through this site? People don't help themselves in this regard as their profiles are, to be frank, pretty shit; with little or no effort given to hint at their character, instead they rely on their picture or a list of bands and authors to do it for them. If they took their time and made a proper job then people would be less inclined to skip 'em without a second thought, and take the chance to get to know them. It's a sales pitch when all is said and done. |
It's the lack of detail beyond the picture that, for me, is the most likely thing to make me skip past a profile. A lack of effort is the biggest turn off, followed closely by content that says "hiyz I luv clubbin' wit mi mates n getting pissed, and shopping" with nothing to suggest that there's much between the ears. A picture is influential, sure, but (and I admit I might be rare here) I sometimes read the rest anyway to see if anything grabs my attention. Not every single time, but quite often.
| Quote: |
|
I'm willing to bet there are thousands of potential matches on here. Yet they'll never happen because people won't take the chance based on what they see. I know I'm guilty of being way too choosey, and I'm willing to bet I'm not alone. |
When there is almost no chance to interact, then the picture is obviously going to have a disproportionate effect on people. That is undeniable. However, it doesn't always have to literally be because of the picture, it could just be that there wasn't enough in the rest of the profile to grab that person. Hell, there could be lots in the profile, but just not the right things for some people. Let's face it, the space available to sell yourself in a profile cannot possibly cover very much about a person. It's far too limited.
Real life has a lot more potential. You can adjust what you have to say as you go along when talking to someone, and you can present yourself differently to each person along the way. A profile is a limited attempt at a "one size fits all" presentation.
24.06.2007, 10:31 quote
| Bams wrote: |
| Can I just say that I went out wih a bloke who looked like vincent out of beauty and the beast (the tv series with linda hamilton) he was very odd looking. But I thought he was the most georgous man on the planet. |
24.06.2007, 10:44 quote
| Bams wrote: |
| Can I just say that I went out wih a bloke who looked like vincent out of beauty and the beast (the tv series with linda hamilton) he was very odd looking. But I thought he was the most georgous man on the planet. Still think of him as stunning. He had the most chilled out personality I know and that was what made him extra special. |
Don't take things out of context Stoney, Bams is saying that even though he was mush looks wise in her opinion, he had a nice personality which made him gorgeous...
I cut down contents of quotes when I post so I indicate what part of the post I'm referring to but I don't do it in such a way that I alter the original meaning - that's a journalistic and political ploy to bend meaning...
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