so either you're a "bad guy" & dont care or know it,
a well rounded nice guy & know it
a not so well rounded nice guy and may or not know it.

can a leopard really change his spots? and what hope is there for a not so rounded nice guy who knows it?

I think a leopard can change his spots as long as he does it young. i wasn't so nice when i was in my late teens but due to life slapping me about abit it taught me alot about empathy compassion and other peoples feelings.

Hey Mr, Belfast man, you who started this thread, you are a good example of a nice guy...not just NICE...but even more important..FUNNY and INTELLIGENT...a guy who, one of these days, is going to be snapped up by some very lucky woman, cos a person can tell from reading your posts, you are a gorgeous fella personality wise, and really good-looking too.

Only pity is: way too young for me :

Keeping it simple on the topic, because its a big issue:

Worst qualities in a lover:
dishonesty; aggression (emotional, physical, mental); selfishness; manipulative; holds traditional roles for male/female; if he speaks badly of his mother or his ex..huge warning sign; if he goes too fast..ie..pressurizes..another huge warning sign; jackel and hyde behaviour, having a nasty turn then buying you flowers...if you see any of the last three behaviours in a man, then run for the hills girls, no matter how much you think you might like him, he is a looper.

Best quality in a lover: one word:
KIND



Problem is, Belfaster, alot young women, they just don't KNOW these things, they gotta find out for themselves, crash and burn.
Which is hard to watch...depressing.

Thankfully there's guys like you in the world. Don't change a thing.

I voted "nice".

But, I think nice or bad are just words like love that are defined by each individual's needs and desires.
I think alot of the time the loose interpretation is the guy is "nice" when he conforms to the woman's desires and "bad" when he doesnt toe her line.
Even the one's who stay with a "bad" guy do so because there is one pay-off or another - eg as was pointed out earlier, the challenge of 'changing him' ie forcing him into the mould she wants him to fit.
When i was a teenager i was with a man of 42 who beat me up etc he was a robber and a bastard, but we only split up when he went back to his wife, after 3 years. Now i realise i stayed with him because i was scared to leave and take responsibility for my own choices etc. That was my pay-offf for staying. Everyone has different reasons, and unless you walk in that person's shoes no one can say they know.
Now I am with a man who some would define as "too nice" or a mamma's boy. But she is terminally ill and I see his good qualities come out, even though it means our relationship has gone west, i love him all the more for it.
Someone once said if you want to know how a man will treat you, look at how he treats his mother and the staff.

I was one of the 3 suckers who voted bad. Oh well, whatever floats your boat. Ain't gonna explain.
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I was honest too!

Like I said, i bet if bliss did explain, her definition of bad wouldn't necessarily be the same as mine, and her reasons for choosing so might well be something I could relate to? I was just speaking from my own experiences of what right at this moment my mood dictates is 'bad' and 'nice'.

Now, now... Whatever floats yer boaaaaaaaaaat.
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Lilacrose I was goin to say sorry to hear your man is terminaly ill, but as you say yourself, it's a situation that brings it's own gifts of intimacy, and I wish you both all the happiness in whatever time you've got left together.

Bliss, I dare you to explain.
Or is that a bit too far removed from the buisness of sparkly living..

That's really sweet. But its his mum who's ill. I just never see him anymore cuz she wants him with her 24/7 (and thats no exaggeration, he lives with her) - in fact, every time he tries to even just meet me for coffee or summat she suddenly 'has a bad turn' so he cant come out, and she no longer wants visitors in the house.....not complaining cuz i do understand (or at least can imagine) her motives for clinging to him.....but as far as 'gifts of intimacy' go, there are none for us and we've drifted apart so much that tonight i told him yet again i want out cuz all i got the last couple of months is a textpal. Ho hum. Life is tough at times. But its his mum and she's dying. Thats more important for him to be with her than me?

i like to think of my self as a nice guy... but when someone presses the wrong buttons i can be a really nasty bastard ( never towards women though )

a quick story..

i was out clubbing one night in good old southend, i saw a bloke literally slapping his lady around on the dance floor.. i got up and flattened him cos it annoys me, it all kicked off etc and the police turned up... His lady turned round and told the police that he HADN'T been slapping her, even though she had bruises down her arms and hand prints still on her face.. so i ended up with a night in the cells and a 'police caution' for levelling the twat. I told the copper in the interview, i know what i did was wrong, but, if i see it happening again, i'll do the same damn thing - even if i end up getting in the shit for it.

that's the main thing i don't understand about women... why do you put up with it - i'm sure it's not easy to break away from it but still, some things just aren't right
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