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Home >> Dating >> Kids and crushes
26.01.2008, 21:31 quote
So... Suppose y'all know that, as a kid, when you like someone you're supposed to say you don't. The more you like another kid, the more you keep on stating you hate them.
I started wondering where that comes from. Does anyone know? Kids are mean, I know... But that "not liking" thing starts even before anyone tells you "you're not good enough". So where does it start and why?
I couldn't help but wonder especially because it seems to affect us as grownups, leading to that cat and mouse game (and to people being shy).
So the more you hurt someone the more they'll like you.
Your opinions on that?
Hope it wasn't posted before.
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26.01.2008, 21:34 quote
Fear of rejection, or being ridiculed I imagine?
One of the very first things I learnt in this cruel hard world was to keep my feelings to myself cuz there's always some bastard out there waiting to find the chink in your armour to bring you down.
But that would explain why I don't wear my heart on my sleeve, I don't like a person more, the more they hurt me.....just the opposite.
26.01.2008, 21:42 quote
Yea but fear of rejection or being ridiculed coming from where? I remember saying I hate someone when I liked them lots even before ever being rejected or ridiculed...
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26.01.2008, 21:45 quote
Thats what's known as self preservation ........... not saying, or admiting how you really feel .......... doesn;t make it so real ........... and then if nothing happens, your not so hurt ................ x
26.01.2008, 21:47 quote
Shyness starts as a kid and some people never grow out of it. As you said kids can be mean so rather than admit to their friends that they like someone it’s much easier to say that they don’t and avoid the ridicule and having fun made of them. As adults I guess its pretty much the same thing but instead of ridicule it’s fear of rejection and the lose of self esteem that follows
26.01.2008, 21:49 quote
then it must be a lesson for life... Maybe it ain't invented after all and we're supposed to tell the people we love we hate them. ![]()
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26.01.2008, 21:52 quote
| Bliss23 wrote: |
| then it must be a lesson for life... Maybe it ain't invented after all and we're supposed to tell the people we love we hate them. |
Nah, can't go through life doing that. How would the people we truly hate know the difference
26.01.2008, 21:57 quote
but hate is the other side of the coin to love. if somebody ever told you they love you then you broke up with them, then they tell you they hate you....the love becomes hate. cant have love without hate existing because they are the ying and yang. it doesnt answer your question, but a love that feels it cannot be expressed maybe internalized and suppressed only to be interpreted as hate to those who cannot understand it??
i am waffling a bit
26.01.2008, 22:00 quote
| Leglover227 wrote: | ||
Nah, can't go through life doing that. How would the people we truly hate know the difference ![]() |
They wouldn't... That's the whole meaning of "love yer neighbour as yerself".
| scottie69 wrote: |
| a love that feels it cannot be expressed maybe internalized and suppressed only to be interpreted as hate to those who cannot understand it?? |
That is right... And sad too.
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26.01.2008, 22:04 quote
| Bliss23 wrote: | ||||
They wouldn't... That's the whole meaning of "love yer neighbour as yerself". |
Sounds far too complicated, …I’ll just snog the ones I love and swear at the ones I hate. Has worked out well for me so far
26.01.2008, 22:19 quote
| annmarie5988 wrote: |
| Thats what's known as self preservation ........... not saying, or admiting how you really feel .......... doesn;t make it so real ........... and then if nothing happens, your not so hurt ................ x |
As AM says, it's a self preservation thing, we wait for the other person to make a verbal commitment so we don't get hurt if they reject us if we say something first - and so, by logical reasoning, sometimes no-one says anything, which is very frustrating I guess. I used to be very upfront with my feelings, but have been hurt a few times in the past 12 months and I'm afraid that I have closed myself off, and rarely say anything about how I feel about someone now. I feel quite sad really, now I think about it, as it must make me seem very cold and distant (which I'm not).
26.01.2008, 22:36 quote
| darkhorse57 wrote: | ||
As AM says, it's a self preservation thing, we wait for the other person to make a verbal commitment so we don't get hurt if they reject us if we say something first. |
Yeah, but thing is... As a kid... If you've never faced rejection and always been loved... Why would you go ahead and fake hating someone? Maybe it's because of the other kids faking it too and tellin' you as a secret that they really like the person. I didn't think bout that.
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27.01.2008, 10:43 quote
| Bliss23 wrote: |
|
Yeah, but thing is... As a kid... If you've never faced rejection and always been loved... Why would you go ahead and fake hating someone? Maybe it's because of the other kids faking it too and tellin' you as a secret that they really like the person. I didn't think bout that. |
try reading some psychoanalytic theory on personality, if you are interested in this sort of thing, i.e. understanding personality and its development, its not exactly bedtime reading, but if you are curious you might find it interesting with some good alternative ways of viewing things... just be prepared to keep an open mind when you read things you dont agree with lol
27.01.2008, 10:54 quote
| darkhorse57 wrote: | ||
As AM says, it's a self preservation thing, we wait for the other person to make a verbal commitment so we don't get hurt if they reject us if we say something first - and so, by logical reasoning, sometimes no-one says anything, which is very frustrating I guess. I used to be very upfront with my feelings, but have been hurt a few times in the past 12 months and I'm afraid that I have closed myself off, and rarely say anything about how I feel about someone now. I feel quite sad really, now I think about it, as it must make me seem very cold and distant (which I'm not). |
Yes it is a pretty sad way to go through life ....... but it is very necessary if you dont want to get continually hurt, over and over again ........... and it's not about 'faking' to hate someone, it's just you need to hold back the feelings until you are sure of the other person. Men, Women, & Kids say alot of things they don't mean, just get what they want ........ and when you have been rejected in the past, it's easier to believe the bad stuff than the good ........... if your one of the lucky few who have never been rejected, then you are either still young enough not to understand or just Perfect in everyway .............
The more someone hurts you question ......... well that depends on how they hurt you ...... and how forgiving a person you are ........ as for me,i do have a bit of thing for a bad boy so tend to get hurt quite alot, but still go back for more ........
27.01.2008, 11:27 quote
| scottie69 wrote: |
| try reading some psychoanalytic theory on personality, if you are interested in this sort of thing, i.e. understanding personality and its development, its not exactly bedtime reading, but if you are curious you might find it interesting with some good alternative ways of viewing things... just be prepared to keep an open mind when you read things you dont agree with lol |
I'm always in for the brief part... I'm a media kid...
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