I suffer from a bad back, which i get alot of pain from most days, and I have put this in my profile, but it seems to put alot of men of by me being honest.

I have redone my profile before and submitted this fact and got alot more interest, but no sooner as we get chatting, they stop talking to me!

So, is it better to be honest right at the beginnig, or not say anything at all?

Welcome!
I think it's better not to be dishonest!
But - in this case - I'd leave the bad back out.
(If I had one! )
I suffer from tinnitus (a ringing in my head) which means I need hearing correctors, but it doesn't appear in my profile. If the contact gets to phone calls or a meeting, I mention it. But - until that time, when someone is interested in me (including my dicky ears! ) - I don't see the need to broadcast it!
OK, you ask, what is this - if not broadcasting!
Very few people will read this!


Until you have someone ask you to go bungee jumping...
Or to bend over backwards!
Or dig out a few rows of spuds!
I'd leave it out.
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Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
(Jack Benny)

Hmmm... I think I would rather know though, if someone had something wrong with them in the 1st place, as then i would know that the person in question was being totally honest.

I'm sorry to hear that you suffer from tinitus and i can only imagine what that is like.

It's just that when i haven't had it in my profile, i have someone interested and me them, but they disappear once i tell them.

I think maybe i will keep it as it is and be 100% honest, as i would like someone to be honest with me too.

Thanks for your feed back though

Hi Tan1966

I tend to agree with Handsel in this case. Unless the bad back is absloutely debillitating and lays you up for weeks on end, it's not an issue you need to bring up.

Treat the site as though it was a nightclub. For example, you meet someone and he wants to buy you a drink. What do you say?

1) "Oh yes thanks I'll have a G&T" or
2) "Oh yes thanks I'll have a G&T and by the way I have a bad back"

I don't think the bad back will enter the conversation at the outset whilst in a nightclub, so why should it here

That was funny lol what u just said aventador

Hi Aventor, and i see what you mean about the nightclub scenario, but from experience i have gotten quite friendly with some people, but when i have mentioned that i suffer back problem and that is why i cannot work, they run away and never speak to me once i've told the truth, hence my reason for being open and honest in the 1st place.

OP your profile reads fine. Sorry to hear your back compromises you ...but a solution to it further doing so, is subtly to mention it somewhere down the blurb, as you've done. You could actually put it in the Q and A's
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"The tighter you grasp Lord Vader, the more it will slip through your fingers."

tan,
i get the feel you come here with a lot many expectations. which is not bad by itself. plenty and plenty of gals have the 'find Mr.Right to settle down with' kind of goal. The difference i find is you seem to be too anxiety-ridden. 'That-one-guy-who-has-stopped-by-would-slip-away-should-I-not-reveal-all- there-is-to,-right-at-the-outset'. The relationship starts on a wrong note. You get the guy too guilt ridden should he want to bail out of this for some other reason not to his liking. Emotional hook ups should be light-hearted. Both partners need to take life as it comes. Think of it this way. What's the guarantee you bring to the table should he meet with an accident say, years later, with the relationship well-set, and you ditch him for that?

another thing is are you being fair to yourself. how do you judge someone's reaction to your revelation upfront. he could be reacting from the vantage position of a spectator (Illnesses of other people is a spectator-sport) Not until he is the caregiver to your ailment, not until that handicap of yours draws him in, will you know how much he really cares for you or your condition. cross the bridge when you come to it.

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I think this is the only place where you can be totally honest or lying, to say what you want and no one condemned you. So my opinion is that it is best to be honest, because out in the real world we have no stomach for it.

I would be honest and say you have a bad back; but perhaps not in your profile. Really you NEED to be honest, so that you can find someone right for you, but the profile should really be something to get people interested and give them an idea of who you are. Adding things like that just affords people the chance to be picky - which you can afford to be on a dating site.

I think u should be honest, why hide something about yourself in the hope it would make people talk to you. When the right person comes along for you, they won't be put off with ur back problems, and if they do then they really aren't worth talking to. Hope tat helped

some people are so shallow we are who we are it shouldnt matter at all if we have any problems with health to the runners lol

I could be mistaken, but my opinion is that the sooner something is said, the sooner the air is cleared.

I'm brutally honest in every aspect of my life (to the point where some people see me as obnoxious) and have never seen the point of hiding things or beating about the bush. This lifestyle has served me well. It keeps those with secrets far away and keeps honest friends close.

If I were chatting to someone, lets say for a fairly long time, for example a month, and they then bring up such detail, I'd also probably run like the clappers. Not out of disrespect, nor from being shallow, but from the thought of "what else is she hiding", It plants a seed of serious doubt regarding trust and directness. Such a seed is bound to chase off anyone who sees communication as an important part of a relationship.