I've not been in a relationship for 3 and a half years now so roughly 8 months ago i decided that going on the internet might be a good idea to meet somone new and maybe find a few friends at the same time! I can be pretty sensitive at times so my closest female friend warned me that there are alot of people out there who wouldn't be so open & honest as me who would choose to ignore you if things don't end up working out. Suffice to say after 5 months or using the net, i found out to my cost that she was right. I ended up chatting to a couple of women (at different times!) who i was pretty close to who ended up choosing to not bother letting me know they weren't interested anymore.

So imagine that you've been chatting to someone for a number of weeks. You're pretty close to them, have been chatting about meeting up and giving each other loads of complimets (as you do!) and then for whatever reason you feel that things aren't gonna work out with that person.

What would you do?

Would you choose to ignore them hoping that will go away and work it out themselves?
Would you be nasty so they get the message quickly?
Would you let them down gently but tell them apack of lies saying you've changed your mind about a relationship but then contineu to use the site?
Or would you just be honest with that person?

Usually with me, i can normally tell early on whether or not i would want to get close to them so i've never had to go thru that myself but i have to confess that iw ouldn't have a clue what to say or do! It must be pretty awful having to tell someone who really likes you that you're not interested in them anymore.

I'd love to know if anyone has had similiar experiences to me or have i just been unlucky enough to find the two most cruel women on the internet!

Is it something pretty common that goes on alot?

Well thanks for reading anyway!

Phil

I've been chatting on the net for about five years or so now....

Had my fingers 'burned' a couple of times....

Now?

To be honest i dont get 'emotionally' envolved anymore.....

I like people....but I dont let myself really like them...why....because iive come to the conclusion that you can't truely 'know' someone thro the internet.... Its to easy to spin things when your not chatting 'face to face' or to read sentiment into things that aren't there too


I have never just stopped chatting to someone just because that intial spark dies.....Thats just plain rude....I wouldn't send a nasty message either....

As in real life tho everyone on the net is different....

Some people feel its ok to mess with others emotions....

Dont give up hope tho...

There are Genuine people 'out there'.......

Just look at this board there are great people here



Good Luck!
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What a lovely reply Thank you very much for that!

My close female friend says i maybe looking in the wrong place for a relationship but i did meet my last girlfriend via a chatroom so thought it might be worth it again!

I'm curious tho, how do you manage to keep a healthy distance without getting close to someone and not developing feelings? I've found it can be alot easier to develop feelings on these sites because you're only told things that they want you to hear rather than really getting to know someone. I end up getting carried away sometimes me thinks!

And you're right there is a good crowd in here, i only joined last week and think i'm gonna use this forum more often!

stay as friends is the easisest was to keep distance i find. As for feelings i tell people straight if i dont have feelings for them or if i dont want it to go any further

The corny 'just want to be friends' is about the best line.

I've first joined dating sites about 6-8 months ago, but this is the only one I anywhere near bothered with, but have decided Internet dating sites are maybe not for me. Its seemingly not much easier then going into clubs and pubs, but I think the key is not to rush into things.


But it has worked for some people on here and other sites, sometimes when least expected.
This is taken from another message board and might inspire some people:

How i met the wife!

It was September 1999, i was going through a VERY messy divorce after 22 years marriage. I used a chat board on Virgin Net, there wasn't a huge member base, i think the most ever on was 15.

She also had split from her husband and moved to London (she was from Scotland). We clicked , we chatted every night both on-line and on the phone. In March 2000 i went down to London (or just outside) to meet face to face (we had seen pics of each other).

I remember sh*t**ng myself when i rang her doorbell, i have never been so nervous in my life. Well we did meet, and i'm glad to say that the attraction was mutual.

I commuted to and from London (total 253 miles) weekly to be with her, she worked for the "Harrods Group" at Bluewater. a huge shopping mall. The rent for her flat was crippling her, i had a house up-north so we decided to move back up here in Lancashire in July 2000.

We live together, work together never apart. Its been 7 years next month (the 3rd actually). She's not only my wife, lover she's also my best friend.

It's just like everything else in life take it easy and let fate and karma do it's job

My body dont let me have feelings for anyone I have never met

sometimes it is a bit hard cos you get swept up with the fantasy, for some people chatting on the net they can be whoever they want, some are true to themselves others are not, and usually its not easy to tell which is which...

i have met someone from the net and we had a 4 year relationship and it was good.. but it got to the point where we was very diff and became harder and harder to make things work..

since then ive build up friendships with people as i believe thats a good basis to start, and if and when you met up with that person then you can see what happens..

it was actually a girl, the first time for me... as i was curious..

but it wasnt mean to be, as i was kidding myself

i want someone i connect with, someone who gets me... which is quite hard to find..

i have a very bad habit of staying with people i dont really fancy as its just easlier then finding someone else...