I've joined loads of dating sites over the years. I am very weary of reading on men's profiles "no fatties please" as though all fatties are of one type of person, a type they never want to meet. As though "fat" is a personality type or something.

I cringe when men are really specific - I have seen men state "if you are over size 12 don't reply" and "slim to medium ladies only". The woman of their dreams might be out there, but she is a size 14, so he'll never meet her.

Oh and the one thing that really makes me want to SCREAM is the number of profiles that say they want a woman for wining and dining with, someone who loves good food, country pubs, sharing a bottle of wine or three, etc etc so they want a woman who is really into food and alcohol in a big way, but stays stick thin despite guzzling all that good food and wine? Am I missing something here?

I have found that the nature of dating sites makes people judge you by your looks and make instant decisions based on them. Meeting face to face, one gets the chance to dazzle with one's wit, humour, effervesence, soulful eyes and joyous love for life. But on a dating site, men judge women purely on looks. So those of us with less than stunning appearances cannot get past the first hurdle.

When on a dating site I attract a chubby-chaser or BBW lover as they are called, I am so flattered that I encourage their attention. I send a link to a website where all my photos are displayed, and then some say whoa baby you are far too fat for me. This hurts a lot! If I "pass" that hurdle and we meet, they are totally dismayed to hear that I am on a strict diet and maintain a vigorous exercise routine.

You see, the ones who love the big girls want them to stay big. So the only man that I can get is one who will love me as I am now, and also will love me when I am slimmer. He has to be in love with my personality. So as you may have gathered, it is a vicious circle.

As for fat guys, well the sex does not work (I know, I've tried it) and the social life doesn't work either. A lot of fat men are fat because they spend a lot of time drinking beer and love to stay home eating pizza etc. I lead a very healthy lifestyle don't smoke or drink, don't even eat sugar or drink coffee or tea.

My ideal man is one who, like me, is into fresh air, exercise and good diet. But none of those "fit" types are every interested in me, because I am fat.

I am fed up with being told "You have a lovely personality but ...." then saying they don't want to go out with anyone fat.

Most men seem to want a woman for activities that involve sitting down (cosy nights in, restaurant meals) or lying down (ahem) and fat women are perfectly capable of doing both!

So you men who are reading my whinge, what, exactly, and please feel free to go into detail here, what is wrong with going out with a woman who measures more inches widthways than a slimmer one? Why are men so hung up on women being slim? Is it for domination - they want someone smaller and weaker so they look bigger and stronger? Is it because of the fashion industry? Because of what their mates will think or say? Is it some other reason I cannot think of?

I'd love to know.

Helen

i love you already! You go girl.... You are a welcomed breath of freshair to the forums.
_________________
xxTxx

xx Moderator xx




.

But no comment on the content of my long email?

well to be honest a little hard and maybe a little of a sensative issue for me to comment on..... you see i was 24 stone just six years ago and lost 13 stone.... i went through every emotion going by being ok... not just plump... but OBESE.... for me this topic is still something thats a little raw for me... but you have humbled me no end!
_________________
xxTxx

xx Moderator xx




.

Good post. I don't know how to answer it really, i will say this though. Im a short guy, and i used to avoid going out or being seen with taller women, because i felt it was an affront to my masculinity. Stupid i know, but back then i was a pretty stupid guy. Women who are big and beautiful give off an impression of physical strength. For a smaller man such as myself it would put my own physical strength in perspective and remind me of my lack of it. Its a sorry excuse i know, but it was more a result of my own fragile ego and sense of vanity than not liking a woman who is bigger than me.

I feel sympathy for you that the men you meet are either shallow, or fetishists, its a pity we as a gender don't have more cop on.

That is a very succinct way to say what it took me 200 words to say.

The more exercise I do, to try to get fit and lose weight, the stronger and more muscular I am becoming.

EEKK!

Well, I used to be a size 16, when I was 14/15..and I had a pretty bad time at school because of it, and also used to have guys shouting stuff like 'fatty' at me in the street..you can imagine what that did for a 15 year olds confidence.
I had a boyfriend, but he treated me like crap and always told me that I was fat etc and would never find anybody else, and so on.

I then decided to loose weight. I'm now a lot happier, and find that guys pay me more attention(not much, but it's still attention!)

A few guys have issues with larger ladies. Some don't actually realise the effect their comments can have on them.

Personally I prefer ladies of substance. To me a lady must have curves, the more the better!
Having said that, shape isn't the major consideration; personality, sense of humour (essential if she's going out with/chatting to/interested in me!) smile, eyes, are all likely to have more influence on me than body mass alone.

Each to their own I suppose but I don't think you can really criticise someone for saying they don't find large ladies attractive. There are many men who prefer a larger woman, by your logic they are also in the wrong.

It's one thing to say my ideal woman is not fat and quite another to say that I am not remotely interested in anything fat people do or say. I'm sure there are certain types of men you don't like and whilst you might not write it on your profile, I'm sure you'd show less interest in someone who matched that type if they sent you a message or you saw their picture.

Personally, if I was a woman and I saw someone write, "no fatties" as a preference on their profile, I'd immediately think they were a bit of an idiot and disregard them and anything they had to say whether I was fat or not.

I think thats awful when guys state such cruel things on there profiles . but also for a balanced argument i have seen women with profiles that state there overwieght but the there ideal guy is slim without a beer belly .(alot of overwieght men also think then can pull kate moss types ).
and thats dont not nice as well i have abit of a stomach too but its not though beer drinking and overeating more the lack of exercise though ill health and im trying to diet at the moment so dawn it affects both sexes.

Excellent post!

I myself do not limit mysef by being narrow minded! My profile doesn't include anything that refers to size, lack of teeth or hair and nothing that should dicourage anyone from contacting me!

I would like to add that the girls are equally as bad as the fellas for limiting their options LOL
_________________
This guy is liscensed to chill, and thrill, but the opportunities to thrill are rather less than anticipated!!!!

As far as I can see, no-one has answered Helen's question:

Why do men prefer slim women?

Regardless of what one or two men have said here, Helen, you are right. A recent study of behaviour on dating sites showed that most men do not mail women who are what they see as "overweight".

You ask why that is.

I obviously can't say for sure. I could guess that most men are influenced by what the media portray as sexy and attractive. And at the moment, that means slim to thin, up to maybe size 10 for younger women, perhaps size 12 or maybe 14 for women up to middle age (I'm thinking of the Nigella Lawson type here).

Once upon a time, the sexy ideal was a much more rounded, Rubenensque woman, but that's no longer the case.

Having said that, I don't think a woman has to be a size 6 or 8 to attract a large number of men. The media may have a lot of influence, but I honestly believe most men in the real world would prefer the Sara Cox type to the Kate Moss type.

I would like to point out that I have not been commenting on my personal preferences, but on my observations of how the majority behave.

I can't answer the question simply because I have no idea.

I knew a young fat girl once, she was talking about men not fancying her because she was fat, I asked her, if you lost weight and got slim, would you go after fat of thin blokes ??..she said thin. I told to her that she was always lusting after fit blokes.
She would have had a lot less problems if she was interested in fat blokes, but she wasnt.

That is very intersesting emotive post Dawn. I have to say tho' that I don't have that much trouble regarding my size. Usually by the time someone's been rude enough to ask me size, they've got to know my personality. I'm not ashamed to admit I'm an 18-20, embarassed, but not ashamed I guess being tall does help tho'.

As for the actual question of men prefering slim women, in my experience it's half and half both ways. It used to disgruntle me seeing profiles with specific sizes on them until I realised I wouldn't look at profiles of guys under a certain height but hey, even that changed once I realised what (or who ) I could be missing out on