I don't know how much of an issue this is, but I'm aware that my family and some friends seem to have real concerns about my meetings with people from the internet dating sites. Coloured primarily by what they hear on the news when things gom wrong.

My own feelings about this is that it can be more dodgy meeting a total stranger in a pub, club or whatever, whereas meeting someone from a dating site, you can have a pretty good idea about them before you ever meet, you also know they are trackable through their site registration.

If I'm going to meet someone, I tell one of 2 people, details of the person I'm going to meet, (including picture) where we will be meeting/going, arrange to be rung up or messaged whilst on the date and even take care to meet not just any public place, but one where I am known also. I don't mean that the place is where all your mates hang out, but more where you felt comfortable and familiar with.

It would be useful to know of situations that have occurred that were far from ideal so we can learn from each other about personal safety.

Of course, I'm not just talking about women because there can be safety issues with anyone meeting people for the first time. It could also be about being 'conned'.

Do people really match up to what they have told you about themselves or have they told you a pack of lies, if so, at what point did you find out?

Have you travelled miles to meet someone and they don't show?

About 5 yrs ago I arranged to meet a guy off the internet (not a dating site) and I drove up from Cornwall to Maidenhead to meet him.
I was meeting him at 9am, and on the news at 7am a woman's body had been found in two bin bags, she'd been killed when she went to meet a guy off the internet!!
When he turned up I was shaking like a leaf...but so was he bless him he spilled his coffee everywhere he was shaking so much.......we discussed it seriously - he was relieved to hear that I had told my mother his mobile phone number and exactly where I was meeting him etc. and he insisted I follow him in my own car to a garden center - he was as wary of me as I was of him, he had given his mum my details too!

A few weeks ago a friend of mine met a guy off the internet and she didnt tell anybody and she invited him to her house - they had been yapping on the phone for weeks and she felt that she 'knew' he was ok - well he tried to rape her, she said to me she felt such a fool being nearly 50 she should know better, now she's promised to tell me when she's going to meet someone and always somewhere public.

I think whether you are a man or a woman whatever age it makes sense to play safe.

obviously is dangerous for women and precautions should be taken when meeting someone for the first time. Myriad has pretty much said what needs to be done and there isnt anything i can really add to that

Not sure it's such a problem for men, ..maybe someone can add their thoughts on that?

As for people not showing, ..has only happened once to me, from this site actually as some of the members from the days of old will remember.

Bothered me for a couple of day but as i discovered theres plenty more fish in the sea

I’ve met a few women through the internet, and have to admit that with the exception of 2, by the time we’ve actually met, we’ve already decided that we’re going to stay in each others house for the weekend (or whenever), depending on which way the trip has been planned. Other than that, I leave it up to the lady to let people know where she is, who she is with, and assume she has done so. I’m certainly not offended if they make a few phone calls to let someone know they’re safe, and often prompt them to do so (just before I go to the garage to get the axe and bin liners). For myself, I don’t really place any value on my own life, so as long as my axe-murdering date takes care of Pebbles (my dog) after she has dismembered me, I’m not really all that bothered. Hopefully she’ll have her wicked way with me first (the date, not the dog).

Not showing up isn't something that I'd do, unless something really drastic happened, but even then I'd make sure she knew I wasn't coming as soon as possible.

It would be interesting to hear more from guys aswell 'cos a woman could turn out to be another guy and there's more male rape going on than you'll ever hear on tv, or you could turn up for a 3 some be overpowered or drugged and robbed..........or falsely accused of something......

I know these things really do happen to men aswell but I doubt most men even think of their safety as much as women and if something awful does happen they're less likely to report it to the police or tell friends than women.

......besides, I think anyone reading my profile will know that I am quite harmless

Incidentally, after some further thought on the matter whilst out walking this evening, I wouldn’t want anyone to think that I don’t take safety seriously, from what I said above, and I do think that people should tell someone where they are going, and who they are meeting, and that they should meet in a public place the first time.

I think that one of the main reasons that my own meetings with people from the internet have often involved staying in each others home is twofold – the distance, and the fact that once other people know that you’ve already met someone from a dating site and that person is still alive and kicking, you’re not some axe-murdering, panty sniffing, dog molesting weirdo. I think it’s a pretty safe assumption that once the members of a site (or forum) know that one of their members has met a few people and nothing untoward happened, they’re a little more relaxed about lowering their safety guards and getting on with enjoying themselves (whatever that involves) rather than worrying about their safety.

I know I shouldn’t really say this, but over the last year and a bit I’ve met quite a few women from both this site and another one I used to use, so I feel I’ve ‘paid my dues’ and would prefer to be treated with a little less suspicion if I was to meet someone new (not that I’m inclined to date right now anyway, so it’s a moot point in my case).

Well, my mum isn't talking to me at the moment because i apparently did something extremely dangerous this weekend and went over the water to spend a weekend with someone!! Hello?? I'm nearly 40 for Gods sake!!! My sister had his name, address, mobile and home number, address of where he works and the works phone number too. And he was exactly what and who he said he was when i met him. But i know he met someone recently who described herself as being curvy. All her photos were chest upwards shots and we he did meet her she was about 25 stone.

On the other hand though last year i went to meet someone just as friends (his words) and i was told he a 2 bed apartment, which he did, but he didn't tell me the second bedroom which i thought would be mine didn't have a bed in it. He did try to sleep with me even though i said no, constantly, so i ended up sitting up in the lounge all night until early the next morning then i got dressed and legged it. Got onto a train and stayed in a hotel nr the airport for the next couple of nights.

I agree with Myriad, it can be just as dangerous to meet someone in a pub, although probably not over here as they can't really get off the island as quick as i could get on a train and go to the opposite end of the country.

I wanted to revive this dating safety issue as there are new people here who might have other useful things to add.

I messaged my mate who was going out for dinner with a guy from the web 22 miles away and this was the first time I thought "sh*t, what on earth should I do now?".......she rang me back from the loos to tell me that her date had told her that he murdered his wife and so my mate wanted me to look up the newspaper articles about it on the web to see what I thought.

My mate is still around by the way but what would you do if that happened to you?

The guy told her he'd murdered his wife.....on the first date???!! Blimey, i guess (if he wasnt joking) *he* thought they knew each other well enough and was comfortable telling her. Eek, the mind boggles. My best friend years back took 2 yrs to tell me she'd been inside for murdering her fella. By then we had a strong enough friendship to handle it. But, the first date??!!
Good idea Sue to revive this thread!
Having someone earlier mention are men at risk like women are, yeah i'd say so, like mentioned men get attacked too, and i know one guy who met a lady off the web and she accused him of rape.
Btw, DH, I dont agree that just because we all know you've met several ladies off here THAT makes you a nice, safe guy. For instance, if I were to meet with you now, I would still go through the same procedures for my own safety - I never, ever assume someone is ok just cuz none of my online mates ended up in a binbag in bits having met you - could be just that you had taken the right medication the day you met the other gals. Sorry, no offence meant!

The guy taking my friend to dinner had lost women when they found out about his past, so he decided it was better to get it out of the way first. He'd served time, but you would hardly believe how little time that had been for such a serious crime. They are in contact as friends but not as lovers.....to my relief! 'cos a similar pattern could occur as a trigger if they were lovers.
I think you raised a couple of good points lilacrose, especially the one about people 'not taking tablets' 'cos in this climate of releasing people into the community who may only be stable on their medication, there are a lot of risks that may not be obvious on first encounters.
No one should mind if their date wanted to ring or message someone to say they felt safe or to say where they were going etc. it shows they care.