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Home >> Dating >> chatting women up. how?
14.05.2007, 15:34 quote
| Mickeyoxford wrote: |
| If you ask me that post from Baz was a bit long winded.....there isnt much to it really....just smile & be yourself & if its meant to happen it will happen....if it doesnt happen naturally then its not really worth it in my book.
If you have to think about it as much as Baz implies, & follow these strict guidelines then you are not really being yourself, why fake it? If she likes you she likes you & if she doesnt she doesnt.......move on to the next one...plenty more fish & all that!!!! The most important thing is to keep smiling & laughing!!! Nobody is attracted to misery!!!!           |
Oh I agree with you mate. When you're comfortable chatting to women you'll find you really don't have to think about the things i mentioned. But doing the things I mentioned is not being FAKE. It's the same as when you prepare for an interview. You might slouch at home in your armchair but you'd sit up straight in the interview room. It's just preparing to present yourself well, and confidently that's all.
But think about something for a second. Your best friend comes up to you and says "Man, I really like that girl over there...but everytime I pluck up the courage to say hello I just turn into a gibbering mess. What should I do?"
I guarantee that in alot of cases saying "Just smile and be yourself". Does not help them at all. They need a little more. Some confidence, some insight into how things work.
Because sometimes, it's not so simple as being yourself. It's just important that you ARE yourself. If it were simple and meant to be, everyone would've found someone by now.
Lastly, I'm sure I said that these aren't guidelines. It's advice, Nobody has to even listen to me I'm just giving my opinion from experience of my own and watching others.
_________________
Nothing in this life worth having is ever easy to get.
14.05.2007, 15:45 quote
| SunshineSuperman wrote: | ||
I'd love to be as optimistic as you Orbazm. Good advice but easier said than done. I'm not scared to talk to women (much), just scared I won't meet their expectations - which is usually pretty high. |
Oh I know it is mate and don't think for a second that I see myself as some expert in attracting women. It was only in the past 2-3 years I built up the confidence I have now to talk to any woman.
Before then? I was useless! I'd take forever to pluck up enough courage to even say hello, and usually that came out in a quivering mess. i'd say the most random stupid things. I had MAJOR confidence issues and crap self-esteem.
Can I ask you something? Why would you think women will form any expectations of you when you first talk to them? They don't even know you.
Or are you talking about once you're in a relationship? I think it's a case of YOU worrying that you're not going to meet your own expectations, not her.
What is it? You won't be funny enough? exciting enough? charming enough? Rich enough?
_________________
Nothing in this life worth having is ever easy to get.
14.05.2007, 19:19 quote
start a very good relationship with you and i promise to be very sincere and faithful to you in this relationship...Please you can always write me in my private email box and you can also call me this is my cellphone number...will be waiting to hear from you.
Victor.
please do not post phone numbers or email addresses on here
14.05.2007, 20:03 quote
| Orbazm wrote: |
|
But think about something for a second. Your best friend comes up to you and says "Man, I really like that girl over there...but everytime I pluck up the courage to say hello I just turn into a gibbering mess. What should I do?" I guarantee that in alot of cases saying "Just smile and be yourself". Does not help them at all. They need a little more. Some confidence, some insight into how things work. |
I think everything you've said thus far on this subject is spot on. However, there is one area I think you've not covered.
What is a good result and what is a bad result when it comes to approaching a woman you like the look of, and trying to talk to them ?
From some of the replies in this thread, it seems that some people think a good result is getting off with the woman, getting her into bed, or the both of you falling in love with each other and getting her to be your girlfriend.
I think that is far too high a standard for a bloke to measure himself by. How many people really get *any* of those results from the majority of the women that they talk to ? Be honest now.
Whilst the above are good results, some of the following are also good results:
1. Just having a nice friendly conversation. Surely that should be more than enough to give you the confidence to try again ?
2. Gaining a friend. Whilst this, in itself alone is a good result, it This is a good result, it exposes you to all the people she knows. Those people, in turn, potentially expose you even more people.
3. Just being able to go asleep at night knowing that you've not passed up an opportunity. Whilst I think few people take every opportunity, too many missed chances does nothing but add to a person's insecurities & doubt. However bad rejection might seem, so long as you have some friends & enough money to live and the potential to make more friends, there's no excuse not to smile!
I could go on and on with more ideas, but I hope I've said enough to make my point clear. Getting somewhere with women and being rejected are just not serious enough to be worth worrying too much about.
15.05.2007, 00:07 quote
| CharmingDave wrote: | ||
I think everything you've said thus far on this subject is spot on. However, there is one area I think you've not covered. What is a good result and what is a bad result when it comes to approaching a woman you like the look of, and trying to talk to them ? From some of the replies in this thread, it seems that some people think a good result is getting off with the woman, getting her into bed, or the both of you falling in love with each other and getting her to be your girlfriend. I think that is far too high a standard for a bloke to measure himself by. How many people really get *any* of those results from the majority of the women that they talk to ? Be honest now. Whilst the above are good results, some of the following are also good results: 1. Just having a nice friendly conversation. Surely that should be more than enough to give you the confidence to try again ? 2. Gaining a friend. Whilst this, in itself alone is a good result, it This is a good result, it exposes you to all the people she knows. Those people, in turn, potentially expose you even more people. 3. Just being able to go asleep at night knowing that you've not passed up an opportunity. Whilst I think few people take every opportunity, too many missed chances does nothing but add to a person's insecurities & doubt. However bad rejection might seem, so long as you have some friends & enough money to live and the potential to make more friends, there's no excuse not to smile! I could go on and on with more ideas, but I hope I've said enough to make my point clear. Getting somewhere with women and being rejected are just not serious enough to be worth worrying too much about. |
Thanks Dave i really apprieciate that
This is a fanstastic question mate.
A good result? A good result is respective of the person in question really. If you're a guy who just doesn't even get started in a conversation before you've blown it through whatever reason, then a good result would be getting past the very 1st stage of introductions and just talking to the girl and having a conversation with her.
As you said, it's guaranteed to sky-rocket your confindence.
Infact all your scenarios are good results. But let me just say something mate. An end result of a one-night stand is not a bad thing. Sex is healthy, whether it's for love, pleasure or both. If both parties know that that's as far as their night together is going then there is nothing wrong with it at all.
Falling in love is not really an outright result of approaching a woman, and any guy who approaches women with the thought of falling in love already set in his mind is not living in the real world and will more often than not come across as either desperate, clingy, or just plain weird. Love is massive.
It's a stage that's way, way past a 1st conversation which requires alot of other factors in both people. Love at 1st sight is a phrase, a myth. True love can never EVER be formed from any 1st meeting.
But you know what? Nobody should consider any approach to a woman as an "end result" You should just consider it simply as....living your life.
If you think too much about end results you either tip towards being egotistical if you're good at it or irrationally insecure and depressed if you're not very good at it.
You're living your life and every meeting with a new woman are just parts of it.
_________________
Nothing in this life worth having is ever easy to get.
15.05.2007, 01:05 quote
| Orbazm wrote: |
|
Thanks Dave i really apprieciate that
This is a fanstastic question mate. A good result? A good result is respective of the person in question really. If you're a guy who just doesn't even get started in a conversation before you've blown it through whatever reason, then a good result would be getting past the very 1st stage of introductions and just talking to the girl and having a conversation with her. As you said, it's guaranteed to sky-rocket your confindence. Infact all your scenarios are good results. But let me just say something mate. An end result of a one-night stand is not a bad thing. Sex is healthy, whether it's for love, pleasure or both. If both parties know that that's as far as their night together is going then there is nothing wrong with it at all. Falling in love is not really an outright result of approaching a woman, and any guy who approaches women with the thought of falling in love already set in his mind is not living in the real world and will more often than not come across as either desperate, clingy, or just plain weird. Love is massive. It's a stage that's way, way past a 1st conversation which requires alot of other factors in both people. Love at 1st sight is a phrase, a myth. True love can never EVER be formed from any 1st meeting. But you know what? Nobody should consider any approach to a woman as an "end result" You should just consider it simply as....living your life. If you think too much about end results you either tip towards being egotistical if you're good at it or irrationally insecure and depressed if you're not very good at it. You're living your life and every meeting with a new woman are just parts of it. |
Yeah, I go along with all of that. Separately from the stuff you were going on about, I was reading other people's comments on here in various threads about various things relating to this subject by people wondering what they're doing wrong with women, which in itself reminded me of conversations over the years, and I managed to identify & definite something that bugged me about their perspective .. their aims and how they measured success and failure, not to mention how much importance they seemed to place on the subject in relation to the rest of their lives.
Before anyone thinks I might be particularly great at all of this stuff, that's absolutely not the case, but I have made progress in working out what I could do better over the years and benefited from it. I know from other people's comments about me over the years, that they've seen the changes in me, almost all of which have not been changes in personality but changes in presentation and how I approach situations. Some of the stuff covered in this thread, I think, can be generalised and applied to quite a few areas of life.
Anyways, nuff waffling, I need to go to bed!!
15.05.2007, 01:18 quote
lol. G'night mate
_________________
Nothing in this life worth having is ever easy to get.
15.05.2007, 17:46 quote
| myriad wrote: |
Great to hear a bit of carefully thought out wisdom from you two guys!!  |
Wow, it's not often I get accused of that. I think someone spiked my tea.
15.05.2007, 18:53 quote
| biggsy wrote: |
| i'm constantly in pubs/clubs and go over and try to chat to women but none of them appear to be interested. what do women wantto hear when they get chatted up? is it a cheesy chat up line, or comments how nice they look or is it something else? |
By the way don't restrict yourself to pubs and clubs. You will find that it is much more easy to get talking to women in the day time in places like libraries, bookshops, museums, parks, coffee shops etc. I have found that in parks the weather is an almost certain conversation starter. Watch this training video on how to approach and chat up women. It is not perfect but should put you in the right direction.
15.05.2007, 18:53 quote
| Orbazm wrote: |
| Love at 1st sight is a phrase, a myth. True love can never EVER be formed from any 1st meeting. |
15.05.2007, 23:30 quote
| Greystone wrote: | ||
|
It's not rubbish. If you could fall in love with someone, REAL love, with someone in a 1st meeting then love would not be such a huge mysterious thing as it is.
"Men wouldn't approach a woman if they didn't feel some LOVE towards them"?Are you serious? That's utter horses**t! Men approach women because they find them attractive in a physical or mental form. not because they feel LOVE.
Love can only form once you begin to KNOW someone. Which means you've already approached them at some time or another, and you can't KNOW someone enough from a 1st meet to fall in love with them.
and as for those people too scared to approach someone they know and see regularly, someone who watches from a distance but never even says hello, and they claim they have fallen in love......they haven't. The word they should be using is infatuation, not love, and there is a difference.
Anybody who thinks they're in love after a 1st meeting or sighting has yet to really experience the true meaning of this precious, misused and totally abused word.
You can't fall in love in a day. It's total bollocks.
_________________
Nothing in this life worth having is ever easy to get.
16.05.2007, 05:57 quote
| Greystone wrote: | ||
|
Stop talking out of your backside.
Ever thought that men approach women because they find them attractive, rather than because they are in love/falling in love with them?
You can't fall in love with the first meeting...mainly because you don't know the person - attractiveness and personality is a major thing......How can you possibly have an idea what somebody is like?
I know some peoeple that have thought they knew somebody...but then they changed once they were hooked. That ain't love.
16.05.2007, 12:45 quote
| Greystone wrote: | ||
|
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