I have become rather disillusioned with the whole internet dating thing. I am beginning to feel like a cow at the cattle market that has no pedigree, nor good enough for the abatoir man looking for something to put in the dog food tins....!
On another dating site that I joined, there is this bit where it tells me I have been put in someone's list of favorites.....but they've never contacted me. Whats that all about? It makes me feel like an item browsed on amazon.com and bunged in their Wish List for future perusal when next bored.
I took the bull by the horns and wrote to a guy - to be told he had looked at my profile and had decided I was "not suitable for my requirements" - like i'm a gadget at pcworld, or a piece of meat on a vegetarian menu?!
This is *not* one of those "woe is me, I ain't got lucky on here yet" threads that pop up at times.
I'm not even lamenting the fact that the only people who write me lately are too lethargic to write anything more than "hi" and expect me to reply. I couldn't really care less if no one ever contacts me ever again to be honest. I enjoy the forums and made a few friends, and other than that my real life is quite busy and adequate.
But, I am lately wondering if I really want to continue feeling like a lump of meat on the supermarket shelf. How do others feel about it? Do you feel by being on a dating site you are de-humanising yourself in the process by hoping to be noticed by millions of strangers? Or am I just having a funny five minutes, and will this jaded feeling soon pass?

Unfortunately..that's how it sometimes goes.

I have messaged 5 guys - only 2 of them replied. This is usually why I don't send messages out (especially since I'm generally only here for the forums and a natter with people that I speak to on the forums!)

I can understand why you feel that way, though.

i hear you lilac rose, but just let it pass and someone might pop into your life when youre least expecting it

That pretty much sums it up, Alice. Thats why I'm not here for the dating, just the forums.
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haha. Dunno... I never felt like meat. Except for once but there was a long story there so...

Anyways... What you problem tells me is that you do care. If you didn't care then you wouldn't feel like meat. I think that's where the key is, in spite of you saying you're all happy and couldn't care less.

As for the "hi" or not suitable... Truth is... When there's something there, there's something there and you know it... If there's not, why bother? As for the favourites... I suppose some people are just weird, if they add you their favourites and then say you didn't fit the requirements or whatever. I for one usually add people to my favourites only when I can't reach them because they've been offline since forever (or because of some other reason) or when I feel I like someone but they might be out of my league. LOL The league of extraordinary ladies that is. Anyway I haven't been adding anyone to favs or messaged anyone in ages as I'm not here for this right now.

Don't think I clearly reffered to everything you said in yer post, RG, but... I hope you'll find my comment useful.
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www.lizmadsen.com

Thanks guys, and yes bliss I do think you answered. Yes in one sense I do care, otherwise i wouldnt have posted about it here, i guess. But on another level No, i couldn't care less. That is, I am not bothered if I meet that special someone or not. As i said before I am equally happy whether that be as i am single, or if i meet someone. Meeting someone, or even just getting messages from people, is not the issue. Its the feeling of being 'not a real person' that bothers me.
One guy approached me first, his very first PM just said "can we have coffee some time please?" And gave me his home landline phone number. There smacked an air of desperation that put me off. If a man walked up to me in the street and came out with that as an opening line, i'd run away fast. But the poor guy has obviously become so detached from his real self that he didnt see the problem.
I guess the problem i have is that I am alarmed to discover i too have become so detached from my real self on here, its almost as if Rocket Girl sorry Lilac Rose is not me, but a fictional character who has no real feelings and does not matter as much as the real me.
Does that make sense or am I talking tosh?

That's very interesting. It makes sense. You probably reached what we were speakin' of ages ago about moving over messages without caring. Bet you're still polite though, because that's you. Either that, or again have the same problem as in why people do stupid things around here and don't care.

However that's what the Internet does to you. The market is so large that the requirements one being has from another become more and more strict as we speak. You can find anything here, because everyone is online. And we'd be surprised by how many you or me are out there. LOL

As for "market". The market's everywhere. Online and offline. But it's far easier to judge someone in 3 minutes by one look at their photo and data here than taking more time in the real world I suppose. Truth is the Internet is turning us into very powerful individuals and very weak ones at the same time. Powerful because of things like "throwing mud at someone else" and not being affected by some things which would affect us out there. Weak, because we are being judged on a more strict scale and it's much harder to stand out in the crowd. You can do so many things here you would maybe never think about doing out there.

Sorry bout startin' to talk about the Internet. It's an amazing subject I can't even begin to talk about. And my communication skills are far too bad these days, yet I insist on haunting you people.


p.s. And, if I'm allowed to go on for a moment on the 3 minutes yes or no action, it's like CSI. Ha... What do I need today? Hm. Well he must be 6 feet, well built, with tummy, blue eyes, black hair, good biceps, have a striking mind, live in the UK, preferably London... And that's to say the least of what you can pick in your search. And then it finds you 100 people. 100 of which 50 have been online recently, the others haven't. And then you go on discovering that you don't like things about them. This guy likes rock music and I can't stand it... This one loves cats and I have an allergy... This one bla bla... And so on. And that's only to say one flaw per person. And you message three people which seem quite alrite (that's if you don't go through the whole fifty and find nothing - find nothing because you know the REAL DEAL is out there and you won't take less) and they're not answering because: One of them got hit by a truck today, the other one is on a business trip for two weeks and the third one simply doesn't like you because he hates your nose. LOL That's how it goes, at least for me.

May I go on? Oh may I, may I, please? And eventually maybe someone does answer you and you learn that he's an idiot and you've got nothing in common and don't speak the same language. Damn... What a good profile can do to you. You didn't quite catch the murderer now.

And then... Some guy comes along... One you never actually thought about or maybe could never think about (or maybe it's the one, himself, NEO) and sweeps you off your feet... "All men are the same, but the one you've just met is different." As from there... Well from there it's life, the final frontier.

Done.
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www.lizmadsen.com

Wow bliss has just hit the nail spot on with everything I think there too. So not much else to say from me. I joined already cynical that I would, of course, not find someone on here, though I will say already I have started chatting to people and one guy have hit it off with really well, don't think there'll be anything lke that but still, some good can come. Yes, you acn feel like you are meat, because of the stuff that goes on here, but you just have to try and keep a hold of who you really are as a person. The world has changed, is always changing, and right now we are in the land of no real interaction of the physical kind, maybe one day when this techno age runs dry things will be very different and people will have to work harder to communicate with each other. But until then, you just have to try to keep a grip. You sound like you know who you are and value your soul...and that is the main thing

What differentiates the real world from being a "meat market" than this one?

Firstly, the two are growing inseperable, so unless some massive freak electromagnetic storm fries everything so we have to go old school again, there's no chance it will get any simpler.

The internet is grossly misused, the perfect anonymous sheild, and ultimately the only thing close to an omnipotent hive mind. However, none of these flaws are greater than it's prime flaw - It mimics real life.

Attraction in real life and attraction on the internet aren't so far apart either. You are scanned by people for various things that they might take a fancy to. Most of those people dont even make half sense to themselves when browsing let alone take on the responsibility of being sensible towards you.

Perhaps the feeling of being like "Cattle" is only magnified online because you are forced to view yourself in third person, constantly dealing with other people's perceptions of you.

Lady, people are screwed up. We on the forums claim to be the last bastion of sense and sensibility but that is mostly to debate upon. The truth ... or at least the nearest definition of the truth in this case is that we spend so much time looking for an ideal <insert list of qualities> that we forget that we too treat it like a market.

You can find someone to like, but they might not like you back. Someone can like you incredibly but they arent your type. Everyone knows, treats and behaves like it's a market - we only say otherwise to make ourselves feel better.

"Perhaps the feeling of being like "Cattle" is only magnified online because you are forced to view yourself in third person, constantly dealing with other people's perceptions of you."

That's it exactly Shiraz - i think anyway that is what i could not put my finger on..this vague feeling of unrest in me here.

As to what differentiates the internet and real life - for me, i am not in the market in real life. I know virtually no one, and I go about my business alone. I dont go out to meet anyone, I speak with virtually no one (as in the kind of discussions here on the forums, other than "lovely day").

Thanks, its starting to make sense now.

You can't blame people for being picky.
If people weren't picky, we'd end up having relationships with people who weren't really suitable! If I decide to get into a relationship, it would have to be with someone who ticks all my boxes, that's for sure!

dating sites are a pretty surreal experience and at the same time a real eye opener into the minds of the general populace. Although by all account the experience between the sexes is wildly different. Far from the 'meat market' experience I found it more a 'struggling to stand out in a extremely large crowd' whilst at the same time 'not appearing to be too different' experience