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Home >> Dating >> BEING TOO FRIENDLY
14.05.2007, 19:48 quote
Sorry if this has been discussed before but I'm new and can't find it in the rest of the forum. If it is here and this gets deleted, at least one reply would be helpful.
Here's the problem I'd like your opinion on:-
I'm always afraid of coming across too nice. I hate to admit it (HATE !!!) but I'm what is called a "Nice Guy". Girls I speak to, or get to know, always end up wanting to be just friends. It's probably because I must have missed an opportunity to make a move, (I'm always afraid I've read the situation wrong - and she doesn't really fancy me). I always get an "ahhh ... isn't he nice and cute". When what I want is "phwaarrr - I WANT him". So do I have to be less like a friend to get a "lover"? But I am friendly ... I can't help it. What do I do? Please don't reply, "Just be yourself" because that never really helps much (my problem is when I'm myself I have the problems). It's really a question to the ladies ..... how long will you usually wait before a guy has missed his chance and is now only a friend?
14.05.2007, 20:06 quote
they arent for you if they dont see n like you for who you are, some women r too fast to appreciate or find attractive a nice sweet man stay as you are
14.05.2007, 20:19 quote
I know what you mean. I'm always the friend, neva the gf.
My biggest problem is - I drink with the boys (and keep up) and I do the bloke things (xcept for scratching my balls coz I don't have any) Lol. I'm not the greatest at being feminine, and most of my mates are blokes.
So yeah I know wot you mean!
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14.05.2007, 20:22 quote
If you want to act, be a film or TV star, the pay is an awful lot better. Otherwise, I reckon it's best to just be yourself. Is any woman *really* worth selling your soul for ? Bear in mind, this is also a woman who could potentially change her mind about what or who she likes, or even leave you for someone else. That's not a pessimist outlook, it's just real life isn't it ? The best and simplest thing to do is be yourself and make sure that any woman you end up with is someone you want, someone who's good for you.
Thats my 2 cents for free, the rest of my time is billed by the hour. The rates are cheap because I'm more of a, not very good, keen amateur than a professional.
14.05.2007, 20:38 quote
hey sunshine, i have the same problem. dont know what the answer is. im always the mate as well 
must be cos we're just such friendly peeps
14.05.2007, 21:44 quote
| SunshineSuperman wrote: |
| Sorry if this has been discussed before but I'm new and can't find it in the rest of the forum. If it is here and this gets deleted, at least one reply would be helpful.
Here's the problem I'd like your opinion on:- I'm always afraid of coming across too nice. I hate to admit it (HATE !!!) but I'm what is called a "Nice Guy". Girls I speak to, or get to know, always end up wanting to be just friends. It's probably because I must have missed an opportunity to make a move, (I'm always afraid I've read the situation wrong - and she doesn't really fancy me). I always get an "ahhh ... isn't he nice and cute". When what I want is "phwaarrr - I WANT him". So do I have to be less like a friend to get a "lover"? But I am friendly ... I can't help it. What do I do? Please don't reply, "Just be yourself" because that never really helps much (my problem is when I'm myself I have the problems). It's really a question to the ladies ..... how long will you usually wait before a guy has missed his chance and is now only a friend? |
This sounds very familiar to me too. I reckon that there is a certain time frame in which to make your move. I met a girl a couple of years back and we became best mates. Eventually I ended up falling for her and telling her how I felt. She shot me down but we remained friends. She told me that she had thought about it too but we'd been friends too long and she valued that more because that's a stronger bond to her. A few months later the inevitable happened and after our usual night of drinking and general pissing about, we ended up in bed together. She said it was a mistake, blah blah blah. We stayed friends but recently I had to stop seeing her as she was all I could think about and she put it about a bit and it hurt. In short, i've learnt that you should make your intentions clear early on.
14.05.2007, 21:44 quote
| SunshineSuperman wrote: |
| Sorry if this has been discussed before but I'm new and can't find it in the rest of the forum. If it is here and this gets deleted, at least one reply would be helpful.
Here's the problem I'd like your opinion on:- I'm always afraid of coming across too nice. I hate to admit it (HATE !!!) but I'm what is called a "Nice Guy". Girls I speak to, or get to know, always end up wanting to be just friends. It's probably because I must have missed an opportunity to make a move, (I'm always afraid I've read the situation wrong - and she doesn't really fancy me). I always get an "ahhh ... isn't he nice and cute". When what I want is "phwaarrr - I WANT him". So do I have to be less like a friend to get a "lover"? But I am friendly ... I can't help it. What do I do? Please don't reply, "Just be yourself" because that never really helps much (my problem is when I'm myself I have the problems). It's really a question to the ladies ..... how long will you usually wait before a guy has missed his chance and is now only a friend? |
This sounds very familiar to me too. I reckon that there is a certain time frame in which to make your move. I met a girl a couple of years back and we became best mates. Eventually I ended up falling for her and telling her how I felt. She shot me down but we remained friends. She told me that she had thought about it too but we'd been friends too long and she valued that more because that's a stronger bond to her. A few months later the inevitable happened and after our usual night of drinking and general pissing about, we ended up in bed together. She said it was a mistake, blah blah blah. We stayed friends but recently I had to stop seeing her as she was all I could think about and she put it about a bit and it hurt. In short, i've learnt that you should make your intentions clear early on.
15.05.2007, 00:32 quote
| SunshineSuperman wrote: |
| Sorry if this has been discussed before but I'm new and can't find it in the rest of the forum. If it is here and this gets deleted, at least one reply would be helpful.
Here's the problem I'd like your opinion on:- I'm always afraid of coming across too nice. I hate to admit it (HATE !!!) but I'm what is called a "Nice Guy". Girls I speak to, or get to know, always end up wanting to be just friends. It's probably because I must have missed an opportunity to make a move, (I'm always afraid I've read the situation wrong - and she doesn't really fancy me). I always get an "ahhh ... isn't he nice and cute". When what I want is "phwaarrr - I WANT him". So do I have to be less like a friend to get a "lover"? But I am friendly ... I can't help it. What do I do? Please don't reply, "Just be yourself" because that never really helps much (my problem is when I'm myself I have the problems). It's really a question to the ladies ..... how long will you usually wait before a guy has missed his chance and is now only a friend? |
Ok I wanna try and help you here mate because I've seen this with a friend of mine and he hated it just like you.
Your biggest problem (which I think you already know) is YOURSELF.
These women are not stamping the friend tag on you because that's all you could ever be, it's because you are saying "HI, BE MY FRIEND!" even though you don't want to.
Confused? I'm guessing, you either put yourself down playfully, or just tell jokes or do nothing but make them laugh or smile. If that IS the case, than what other way would they see you?
You don't have to act, you can still be you. Infact you HAVE to be you. If you try to be anything you're not then you will end up going backwards, so don't try. Be you....just a better you. You don't have to dress differently or talk differently.....but you do have to communicate better.
If you don't want to land yourself in the friend-zone then NEVER use the words: Nice, Cute, Adorable, Interesting or Intruiging on her. She will not in anyway think "Wow..." it won't help her feel in any way sexy, and what woman would ever complain about feeling sexy?
Try not to over do it with compliments either. "Nice outfit" "nice smile" "nice personality" end result of it....? "Awwww you're such a NICE guy".
Here's your problem, and I hope, your answer. Your problem is, you are scared that as soon as you make it known to them that you find them sexy or arousing they'll run a mile due to whatever insecurities you clearly have. Yes? Well unless you look like a train-wreck (which you don't) or smell like wet-ass, then they never do. The worst you will get is a "no" or a soft let down. If you go about things the right way.
The right way, in my advice, is to SHOW them you find them sexy and desire more than being a friend. I know that's stupidly obvious but it just can't be done any other way. Wait for the right moment, suck it up and say "My god your eyes are sexy" (or whatever FACIAL feature you find sexy) or say something like "I would love to kiss you right now."
No bullshit, no swerving around it. Say it. and then WAIT.
One of two things will usually happen. Either her head will say "Not my type" and she'll let you down easy.
OR. Her heart will skip a beat and she will say nothing and just look at you. More than likely she'll also blush...possibly look away, look down or wherever.
If she looks away THAT DOES NOT ALWAYS MEAN SHE DOESN'T WANT TO (and like i said, you've probably just excited her) I'm serious. Think about it.... Women are tired of guys who don't have any balls to go and get what they want. Ask them.
I'm not saying you don't have balls mate, I'm just being direct here.
Anyway, if she doesn't go to kiss you, if she looks away or stays looking at you or just smiles and says nothing or WHATEVER....and you're thinking "fuck...now what?" just touch her chin gently, or play with a strand of her hair...and then look in her eyes...and you'll know.
How? Because she will LET YOU DO IT. If she doesn't want that kiss then she'll take your damn hand away.
Hope I helped.
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15.05.2007, 00:51 quote
| Orbazm wrote: |
|
If you don't want to land yourself in the friend-zone then NEVER use the words: Nice, Cute, Adorable, Interesting or Intruiging on her. She will not in anyway think "Wow..." it won't help her feel in any way sexy, and what woman would ever complain about feeling sexy? Here's your problem, and I hope, your answer. Your problem is, you are scared that as soon as you make it known to them that you find them sexy or arousing they'll run a mile due to whatever insecurities you clearly have. Yes? Well unless you look like a train-wreck (which you don't) or smell like wet-ass, then they never do. The worst you will get is a "no" or a soft let down. If you go about things the right way. |
There's something in that, and other thing you said that I didn't quote. It's made me think back to the times I have had the most success, and what you've said seems to hit the nail on the head about what I've done right.
15.05.2007, 00:54 quote
| CharmingDave wrote: | ||
There's something in that, and other thing you said that I didn't quote. It's made me think back to the times I have had the most success, and what you've said seems to hit the nail on the head about what I've done right. |
Thanks mate
_________________
Nothing in this life worth having is ever easy to get.
15.05.2007, 03:34 quote
Have the exact same problem, ended up in a relationship still though and I still get the odd handfull tell me that they like me in more than friends terms but it's rare. Then again I'm blind to the signs no matter how obvious.
After being in a relationship though and coming out of it, I would rather have many girls as just friends rather than going through that pain, which still continues, again.
Orbazm, valid points you've hit much of the solution there
15.05.2007, 17:35 quote
Ah the "nice guys friend zone" bane of my life and curse of dating! If I knew the solution to this I would be here!!!!
15.05.2007, 19:13 quote
And change who we are for shallow women?? umm ..... ummm .....umm...... NO THANKS ........ I quite like who I am and when I find a girl who likes who I am as well ......... then I'll be a lot happier than that lot.
15.05.2007, 19:14 quote
| SunshineSuperman wrote: |
| And change who we are for shallow women?? umm ..... ummm .....umm...... NO THANKS ........ I quite like who I am and when I find a girl who likes who I am as well ......... then I'll be a lot happier than that lot. |
Well put..
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