I thought this might be helpful for the site and the people on it. I know this has probably already been posted... so bare with me I'm new and curious. To make things a bit easier for other people as curious as myself as to the responses, lets try to have the women post in red and the men in blue for easier readings. If you forget or don't care, I don't think anyone will either.

I'm curious to read other's posts and opinions. Especially from the guys of course. But if any women out there have better advice as to what I should be looking for seeing how I'm new, I'm always open for advice!

It's the screenname that gets my attention. If the screenname is real interesting I click to see what they've got to offer... I usually only click those with pics. Not because I'm shallow, but because I'd like to hope I can gauge their age from there. I've had instances where I've started messaging a guy who said he was 23 or rather and he ended up acting like he was 12. Don't know if he really was but hey I'm not taking any chances. But I usually end up messaging those who have a bit more personality put into their profiles. people who put more of a voice into what they write instead of just writing like they're filling out an application.

Hmmm, this is a difficult one. In some ways it is easier to say why I *wouldn’t* send a message to someone.

To be honest, I don’t message anyone from here (meaning the main site) anymore. Most of the people I know from here (meaning the forum) have my contact details and we keep in touch via text, phone and email (when we can be bothered hehe).

I suppose to some extent it depends *why* one is here. If one is just here to chat to others, then I guess they might not be quiet as selective in whom they contact for chatting to as (say) someone who is fishing for a bite from a potential long term partner/whatever.

For myself, when I was still using the site for its intended purpose, no matter how appealing someone’s profile might appear on the surface, as soon as I saw lazy or poor spelling, text speak, over-use of lol (amongst many other things), I would navigate away from the page. Since you mentioned screen names, I would also generally avoid user names that included words like ‘sexy’, ‘cute’, ‘hot’ (or any twee descriptive term, or included anatomical references in their user name). Then again, I don’t think I ever contacted anyone from the main site anyway, mainly people I had got to know through the forum, and at that point little things like over-use of lol (hello Kizz ) didn’t bother me as much as it might usually.

I suppose we all have our wee foibles, some of which might appear shallow to others.

And then, on the other hand, I’ve been seeing someone for around 3 months now, so I have very little time to ‘socialise’ on the net anyway, so perhaps the criteria I had for whether or not I would message someone (or respond to) is not so relevant now.

I'm not messaging anyone either, although I still answer some messages, if they seem to be good caring souls. HAH...

Anyway... When I used to... I usually went for profiles with pics myself... I think it's only natural, as I have a pic too... I mean I'm sure there could be lots of great people without a pic and such, I used to be one of them myself, pmsl... But hey... A pic for a pic...

What's really funny is that if I ran into someone with a great profile, but no pic, by mistake... Either that they messaged me, or they were around the forums, I'd never let the pic thing stop me...

The more I think, the more complicated it is to answer your question. LOL

I'm really attracted to brains and really ironic or out of place senses of humour, but, hey, a nice pic can't be ignored, can it? Nor can a pic of someone I could never see myself with. And yes, I really do realize how superficial that is, for when I fell in lurve in the past it happened with people I could never see myself with, but, hey (yeah, again)... That might be a personal problem...

Now I hate it that I answered this. I should erase this message...

As for attractiveness in pics... Well that's a question of personal tastes... As mentioned... A question of points of view.
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www.lizmadsen.com

i'll be concise. Brains, a sense of humour, and that odd quality they give off that tells me they are good folk.

I mainly reply to messages sent to me rather than initiate...... but occasionally I see a great smile or a guy who's got hair on his head pop up in the random pics on the left and check them out. If they have bothered to write something on their profile then I may send them a message if something interests me.
I check out every visitor to my profile with a pic and sometimes I may message them to acknowledge their visit or comment about something on their profile.
I usually check out the regulars on the forum, and sometimes I send private messages to some of them for various reasons.
I DON'T often message men with virtually blank profiles.
I am sometimes attracted to names and just have a look out of curiosity or because they seem to reflect something I might expect them to be interested in and then write to them.

"Message me Baggiebhoy" written on their forehead.

Seriously, I never message any women. Got fed up of the 'No thanks' responses.
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I tend to message women who seem a bit "different"... if they've made an effort to make their profile original, and just seem a bit out there and different from the norm... it's the kind of woman I've always been attracted to. A massive pair of gazongas and a big bum helps too.

But they never reply to me anyway

aha good luck on trying to pin this one down. When I did, generally I'd say

a)they look/sound like they're into similar things
b)they look at least moderately attractive to me
c)There's something on their profile I can connect with or make some vaguely witty observation about

(a) isnt absolutely necessary.

Well ive never messaged anyone first! Only because im afraid of the reply i will get back (or lack of it)! Therefore i can only comment on my reasons for replying to messages! First thing i look at is the name, then the bodyshape and if it is athletic and toned, slender or average then i will have a look at the pic! If im still impressed then i will actually read the message and reply to it! Oh dear that isn't good, is it? I would hate for someone to do that to my profile!! Would never get any messages!! Well apart from the ones that dont interest me!! Im confused now!! lol!![/list]

Well.

I also look at the username first - if it has boy/boi/anything like that..I avoid! I don't want a boy, I want a man

Then I read the profile - see if there are any common interests and so on, and also to check they don't 'typ lyk dis'

Then I look at the picture - and the first thing I look for? A smile or nice eyes!

So..it's a combination for me.

This is a difficult topic, having read all the posts so far I'd say that each and every one of them has a valid point for me.

However and this is the crux for me, to be able to sort the kind of person from a profile, a picture or an a avatar that one wants to converse with can be quite difficult.
I concede that there are those out there that you would steer well clear of by just looking at what's being typed on their profile but consider this please, to be able to distinguish those that have no real traits that might offend and put them into the boxes our own psyche demands may mean that we miss a golden opportunity to discover another much like ourselves.
I have asked myself already why am I here, TBH I'm not sure, filling in time I guess having a smile play across my lips on occasion and possibly just maybe someone will turn up that might be very interesting indeed.

I'd hate to miss that person just because their profile didn't seem quite right or their picture wasn't what I had expected.....we all try not to settle for second best...perhaps we are sometimes guilty of over looking people and by that fact, in the end settle for second best as that's all that's left.

Again this topic is a tough one, I'd like to say I try to have an open mind as much as possible, you just never know whats round the next corner

i don't normally send messages and i don't think i've ever recieved one from someone who's interested, most of the times it's " alright mate you live in southend, i used live there blah blah blah"

That's why i use the forum, i'd rather get to know someone rather than 'take a chance' as i've tried it before and failed on all attempts quite miserably !

however..

when i first started using the site, i used the search thing, ticked all the boxes that interested me, then skimmed through them - looking mostly at the age and interests, rather than if they had a picture on their profile, after all.. i'm no oil painting and it's not all about looks is it. Personality, sense of humour and insanity are pretty much all i'm looking for !!
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apples.....



... and the ability to blow snot bubbles.
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"Always look on the bright side of life..... tetum tetumtetumtetum....."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

Well if they are red & delicious then I'm there....
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It's always times like these,
When I think of you And I wonder,
If you ever think of me?