Okay. Everyone has 'em. Especially those little things you have to suffer when in close proximity with others. So what curdles your blood and has you reaching for the nearest sharp/blunt/loaded instrument? I'll kick off...

'Sarcastic' Singing/Humming - There is a special circle of hell reserved for people who do this. I'm hoping it's one that involves broken glass, dogshit and wasps. Everyone must have suffered someone doing this, surely? They think they're being so smart implying their mood via their musical talent (or lack of). Oh yeah, you're really flying under the radar with that one. Why don't you pick something with lyrics that portray your current gripe too? Anything with 'this is my life' in it should do, or maybe a glib cover version of 'Happiness'? Yes. These people should be stopped.

Next!

Idiots. Walsall has more than its fair share. The selfish people who wonder around in a world of their own, stopping whenever they feel like it, normally when they are right in front of me, which means you walk straight into them and then they say to you 'watch where your going'.

The women with pushchairs who think they own the bloody town. If you don't get out of their way they ram you in the shins and barge you out of the way. And then they get on the bus 4 at a time, when the bus should only carry 2, and stop you from getting on/off.

And while I'm on the subject of the bus, the woman who lets her four kids stretch out, two seats each, and will not make them move even when people are having to stand, and the bus driver tells her to. But he can't do anything about it because then its assault, innit?

I'm not an angry person, honest.

And then theres my Dad, but I'm going to see a shrink about that. Lay the groundwork so that when I eventually snap and choke him to death, I can cop an insanity plea.

people who say things they don't mean like

"shut up or I'll knock you into next week"

whats that all about don't they know the only way you can get into next week is in the tardis
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I'm a member of the celebate swingers society

One of my pet hates is pets, I quite hate pets.

ha ha nohting wrong with pets, just have to choose the right ones.


My pet hate is when my mum makes coffee or tea, spills a bit on my white work tops and leaves it there, so muggins here gets home from work and has to scrub with bi-carb to get rid of the blooming stains

Too many to list, but people who smack their lips and say 'Aaaaahhhh' loudly after a sip of tea/beer/liquid lsd' feature quite highly on my list. And on the subject of pets, I'll be a lot happier when mine either:

a) learn to confine their moulting to the garden

or

b) vacuum up after themselves

Jeeze where do I start? I'm just about in grumpy old man zone here sometimes everything irritates me!

but some all-time favirites would be

people who use football as an excuse to be twats

women who smell like the cosmetics section of miss selfridges

when the tube/train door opens and your barging in before I get a chance to get off - wo betide you...

smokers - yep me too, being an ex...

and this is a coverall, people who don't appreciate other peeps and live and let live etc, that pisses me off

Dithering car drivers...you know the type that kill motorcyclists. If they are going to pull out on you I wish they would just do it and give me a chance to squeeze by rather than stop dead in the road and give me no choice but to try and cause as much damage to their bonnet as I can...

Old drivers...

Young men in XR2 type cars

Infact anyone other than me on the road.

people who can only beleive that their way is the best and expect you to conform to it.

OAP's who push in on queues and stuff then expect you to be considerate to old people cos they are old!

people who dont wash, soap is very cheap these days, you can get 4 bars of it for about a pound at the pound shop, so theres really no excuse anymore to be smelling like piss pot from the 19th century is there