Heres one for you...

One day i walked out on the pier
and started to feel somewhat queer
with a wobble and sway
the ground would not stay
Under my feet so i fell upon my rear!

:0)

I went to the Thames for a punt
And another boat gave me a shunt
Look where you a going
When you're bloody rowing
You stupid nautical c**t.

Another unproductive day in the office.

There was a young pikey named Fox
In a doss house in Dagenham docks
When the sailors came in
For the price of a gin
He'd tickle their bollocks and cocks

When walking on grass and soft ground
It is always helpful to look down
Cos if your shoe split
and you stood in dog shit
You'd spend the rest of the day with a frown.

Rubbish.

There once was a young man named Dom
Who's cock was exceptionally long
When wanking he said
It hangs off the bed
And theres no way i could wear a thong!

Cheers Heidi That is a work of absolute genius and totally true!

The comment on my size is too kind
But I have found that the ladies don't mind
That when I play with my hose
It can reach to my nose
But sadly this is all in my mind.

There once was a gifted young guy
Whose cock reached incredibly high
If you gave it a stroke
It'd return with a poke
And might even squirt in your eye

LOL... okay Dom...

I love how this thread has turned to filth already!


When learning to read books and write
I had an exeptional fright
with a book in my hand
which was terribly bland
My Mother did turn out the light

All alone in the darkness i sat
An hour past whilst i was like that
i must have dozed off
and awoke with a cough
And a godawful crick in my back

Thats pooh - and i couldnt think of anything to fit in the last sentence.

Smut is so much easier!

There once was a young girl called Heidi
It was rumoured her clout was not wide-y
she proved them all wrong
when wearing a thong
Showing her camel and the legs of a spidey!

LOL... i DO NOT Have a wide clout.

Just so you know!

I've just spit coffee on the desk from laughing so much!
You have no idea how long I tried to find something to ryhme with Heidi yesterday.

Hehehe.... its not so easy is it! LOL...

Good to see i got you thinking about me so much though... tee hee hee!!

Okay... lets try another.


I knew a young girl they called Chooch
Some said she was a bit of a hooch
this wasnt so,
she'd have you know
All she did with the boys was to smooch.

A girl called Rocketgirl said
She'd take any man into bed
upstairs they got
but had totally forgot
she wore knickers made from hardcore lead!

I knew a young mane named the Oak,
He didnt drink, fuck or smoke
one day in a fit,
he procclaime THIS IS IT!
And wanked till his member it broke.

Oh i am getting sooo good at this shiz-nit!

You are too good at this Heidi.

Sadly after oak broke is cock
All ladies where in for a shock
Its now bent in the middle
But you can still have a fiddle
Even though its now harder than rock

I can't say I'm particularly enamoured with my little limerick. My name is Vanda - that rhymes with a lot of stuff. Rwanda, salamander, left-hander. Write me a better one.

There once was a lady called Vanda
Who was not impressed by a gentlemans candour
He said 'I'll give you my truncheon'
'To eat for your luncheon'
Before she put him in a car called a panda

I know, I know. Its awful. I promise to do better next time!

LOL Oak - that was sooo funny.

Sorry Vanda, i didnt know your real name, so i had to use my "artistic licence" and work with what i had!

Here, try this one on for size...

A beautiful maiden so fair
with big eyes and curly brown hair
her name was not Manda
but the beautiful Vanda
And she worked as a copper so there!

Hows that?

Sucky... lol!!!

They are great! I'm going to sing them to people (probably just before I get carted off to the nut house).

Thank you for the giggle!