i'm having another bad day... they are few and far between though so i can't really complain. oh wait....yes i can!!! "HE" won't get out of my head!! he doesn't belong there anymore. i cannot seem to recycle him though. he's like a bad bloody penny that keeps turning up in my thoughts. and every time i close my eyes i see him. i think i'm going insane. i want to take the part of my mind that remembers him and scream at it. i don't want to think about him anymore. but not wanting to doesn't stop me. he is an unwanted lodger in my head and i want him out! the more i think of him the more i think there must be something wrong with me. something innate that i am missing. something i am lacking........ and if only i had that something i would still have him too. i don't know what the lack is so i can't fix it and it's so frustratinggggg! what (apart from sanity at this moment in time) am i missing??????? there must be something. some reason why i wasn't good enough. something more than "i love you but i'm afraid. so i never want to see you again" there is a reason.... i just can't put my finger on it. if i was good enough he would have stayed. but i apparently i wasn't. why?

by the way is anyone else having a bad day or am i alone with my insanity??

I hate to say it Mandy, but maybe he was just afraid. It happens. Don't put the fault at your door. I'm in a similar situation and I know and accept the reasons it won't work. Now all i have to do is get him out of my head and move on. You do too. You have quite a personality and likely other attributes. Give yourself time, he'll go from your head eventually, and then you'll be able to make room for someone better. It's a cliched saying, but time IS a great healer, if only you'll allow it to be.

i believe everyone has someone they loved and lost,
its a fact of human nature,
i really would like you to stop blaming yourself though, its not your fault
the first place to start is by remembering it was him that wanted to leave
so the reasons are on his side (most ppl incl me say his loss)
you must give it time and as red says time is the only healer in caseslike this
the issue i see is that his excuse for leaving you doesnt give a valid reason why and youre in limbo land now,
imagine he had reasons 1 2 3 so on well then you would at least have "closure"
cause there are reasons on the table for it,
it remains in your head cause you cant justify his leaving
please be patient with yourself and better is always around the corner
F
xxxx

Mandy, oh i so understand u girlfriend....thanks kevin.....i feel the same mandy right now

Not much i can say (everyones covered most ) but time is a healer and tomorrow hopefully you'll feel better (Hugs) x

Ditto ALL of the above! AP frm what I have seen of you on here you are a great girl.... dont blame yourself... you'll get wrinkles *joke*

thanks guys for ..... well for trying to cheer me up. it worked, kinda. i'm still a lil down but i aint out. not yet.

Sorry to hear you had a bad time, hope everything is okay now, and yeah I had a shitty day, on Monday...only I didn't deal with it so well and me and Mr S. Knife had words *sigh* wish time would hurry up and get its healing done.