So yeah, fill in the blank with your real-life drunken exploits!

I'll kick it off

I was sooo drunk that I....when i was about 23, I left early from a gig and fell asleep half under my mates vw camper in the pouring rain. Eventually I was found and manhandled into said vw, and we drove back with loud heavy-metal playing but had to stop on the motorway (sliding side door in use here) for me to chuck the contents of my guts over the hard shoulder.
It was a shame tho that he didn't stop completely, but just slowed to about 40, cos then he wouldn't have had to spend most of the next day washing puke off the side of his campervan.

yes my kinda exploit

Brighton late 80s me and brother on bender all day. police came down beach level to investigate our noise - and stupid stopped it, got on the bonnet with almost empty demmijon of cider in my hand and started to jig!

The fist I knew of it was waking up on a hard bed and going oh shit when I opened my eyes

In the holding cell of the court, a dude asked anyone got tobac I have hash - a moment later we were rolling one. a moment later me and my bruv (when he seen me on the bonnet he thought, I better help, so he picked up a bin and threw it at the car! they caught him too) were called, just as I had filled my lungs! so I walked into court letting out a little stream!

I am so proud of that moment
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i was so drunk once 1 went blind!! honestely this is true, thanx gud i cud see again when i woke up!!!

I once woke up in a cornfield where my mates had left me with naught but a six pack and a roll of quarters*. And that really is everything. I'm not sure what happened the night before, but the farmer appreciated the six pack and fortunately had some clothes!

(* quarters are 25 cent coins in the US, for everyone but Are and Hodel).

i was so drunk once i pissed through someones letterbox

i was so drunk once i stole a beer garden

Yup, tables...parasols...about 25 of them, took hours...woke up in my front room with the pubs sign and covered in broken glass....turns out we hhad strategically placed all the picnic tables in the road outside of the pub...great stuff

I was so drunk I had to be carried home by my mates (with the aid of a taxi), then carried up stairs, during which my head got knocked about a bit. They were surprised I wasn't woken up by all of that. I woke up the next day with a load of puke on my floor beside my bed. I'd been sick during the night, but hadn't woken up during that either. Luckily they'd left me to sleep safely on my side. The next day was the most painful hang over I have *ever* had in my life! I'd not really got hangovers before that. It put me off vodka for a few years.

There's others I may or may not tell if this thread develops.

i was once so drunk that i woke the next day to find a group of builders surrounding me laughing i looked around to notice i was on the roof outside my mates flat window and to make matters worse naked. the builders had to give me a bunk up to get back in the window. needless to say i cant even look at black lable smernoff or builders in the same way again

During a trip to America I was hanging out with some college kids and one evening I met some young ladies in a lift, they produced a bottle of Everclear which is 95% grain alcohol. They were taunting me that people from England can drink lots so I decided to join them in their room and I drank a small quantity completely neat. After that point my memory has a blank space till the next day when I woke up in a room full of half naked girls and a naked me, I made a hasty exit before anyone saw me…
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