Ok, most of you know i'm a bit weird, but this is confusing me, so i thought i'd put it to you guys n gals and see what you think..

I am usually drawn to 'broken' women.. i will try and explain how i mean.

My first girlfriend, was abused as a child. I helped her get over it and then, well, she upped and left me like a shot.

Second girlfriend, her ex used to beat the crap out of her, helped her get past that, then she cheated on me, so i upped and left.

Third girlfriend, couldn't have kids because her ex used to beat her.. she turned into a bit of a fruit cake. We now have a 5 1/2 year old son. (you gotta laugh, cos i am)

Fourth girlfriend, didn't trust anyone. helped her get past that and guess what... she upped and left too.

Now.. i've met this woman. She's with someone already - which is usually a no go for me, but i just can't seem to get her out of my head.

She's absolutely beautiful, she's much more intelligent than i am, way way way out of my league. She dresses better for work, than any of the above did when we went on dates. Basicly she's not like anyone i've ever been drawn to before.

So why am i drawn to her ?

Admitedly i don't know a great deal about her yet, so she could be an absolute psycho, but is this some kind of 6'th sense.. ? I did consider at one point the Guardian 'angel' side of it (i put angel in '' because i don't think angel is the correct term) but i don't feel like i am a strong enough person to be one - take the piss all you like, but i do believe that they exist.

Maybe it's just an attraction because she really is quite beautiful, but it doesn't feel like that - infact it isn't quite like anything i've felt before at all. T'is rather strange i tell thee !

So, what are your opinions ?

I'm rather intrigued as to what Bliss will make of this as she seems to be one of the best at making me see sense (Even if she hasn't realised)
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I'm fond of strange questions.

It's not really that strange to be attracted to someone, even if they aren't available. Just look out for more beautiful women who may just happen to be single.

A lot of people have issues with all kinds of things. No one can tell from the surface and some are worse than others, apart from me, I notice way too many things... I see a pattern; you helped them whilst you were in a relationship and then the relationship ended. If you were completely unaware about them and just happened to help because that's what you do when you care for someone, I say it's a coincidence.

I actually do think some people are naturally attracted to a certain type of person. My best friend has always gone for overly possessive men, they have never came off like that to start with but typically a few months in to the relationship their true colours start to come out. I dont know why this is, but its been every man she has ever been with.

On a side note stu, this woman from work you have been 'crushing' on for quite some time, I do think its time to try to move on and forget about her, for your own good. Nothing is likely to happen in the foreseeable future and im pretty sure it isnt doing yourself any favours. Its hard to move on yes, but when nothing has ever actually happened then surely it should be easier than trying to forget a long term relationship. I think you need to draw a line underneath it all and except its not going to happen. If your feelings for her are preventing you from looking else where (i dont know if they are, im just guessing) then it really is time to kick it to the curb and move on, look elsewhere OR stop looking, work on yourself, go out, have fun etc..

It's not the same woman, but thanks for the tip!!

She is someone i met through work, as part of my job involves running two external warehouses on either side of Southend - she works next door to one of them and we share some of the same tea breaks, which is how we started talking, (i have about 30 tea breaks a day - it's great being your own boss)

I'm glad i'm not the only one who is attracted to a distinctive type of person, i just find it weird that you can know, before you know. You know ? Hopefully your friend will find someone who isn't possessive and be sorted ! Me, i doubt i'll settle down for a while yet if i'm honest !
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sneaky bttt for the night owls ?


(yeah, check out that text speak, i'm well 'ard)
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I think sometimes when people have deep seated problems, which you turn out being instrumetal with helping them through, on one hand have a high regard for you but on the other an often unspoken and vague feeling is that they feel a bit of a project of yours and compromised (even a resentment). Cloudy ambiguities occur of what they sense the 'relationship' is...and they can can 'bizarrely' leave.

Anything like child abuse should be referred to a phycologist (it's a kinda mental cancer), if it presents as be a bit of a feature or something they are struggling with. It is often the case that it's been thematic in past relationships, and has been unwittingly finessed into a powerful combination of anger and eloquence.

As for your current crush Stu, sounds good - as you said on another thread aboot your number plate, tastes change and mature. I would take this as realising what you want...if it's not with her, you'll be on the look out for that vibe, style, look and sensibilities this girl has in other folk about. Sounds like you'll being aspirational, but if you consider, why you're being that way; you'll probably feel quite good about yourself - and from what you post, you should.
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"The tighter you grasp Lord Vader, the more it will slip through your fingers."

Thanks for the kind words, Stu !

The thing you want to talk about here is more than complicated as in: where does attraction to particular individuals come from and why do you sometimes change patterns?

There are so many things that shape the way you see people during a lifetime, that I don't even know what I should start with and I certainly know just few of them...

Freud used to say (if I'm not mistakin') that we're attracted to certain people who resemble other people who we have met/seen/experienced at earlier stages in our life. Like you may find yourself attracted to someone or a particular type of person simply because having a huge crush on your math teacher in the 5th grade made you search for someone like them.

It can either be someone who gave you pleasure or someone you wanted to give you pleasure but they didn't and now you're trying to solve that moment in your life over and over again.

Most likely only a shrink could start guessing on why you have a thing for helping women.

I have a thing for helping men as well... I seem to crush a lot on troubled individuals, champions in distress and so on. However I have a huge desire to help people (regardless of the motives that stand behind it, some of which I know).

At other times I crush on other kinds of people because they have what I lack... Like being attracted to someone who is organized, par example, me being a total mess lots of the times.

And at some point I started desiring more from relationships than I did before. Or lost a part of my desire for freedom and started wanting something that's solid. Maybe grew up a bit? Or just got old...

One thing never changes for me though... The person I crush on always has to have SOMETHING, whether I'm attracted to the teacher or the pupil, etc. Be great in an area or good in more than one areas that I value. I've never crushed on someone who's dull to me.

In the end, it's all part of this thing we call life and this other thing we call our being, both of which are well complex and keep on changing.

As for your crush... I do not know if it's something special, I suppose only you can feel that. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. Maybe you just haven't met anyone like her before or maybe you have changed and desire other things these days.

Life never ceases to surprise me. Just when I think I've seen it all, something/someone comes along and makes me think that it is just now that I've discovered the real deal.

My 2p's worth, as you say...

Some of us are just sh*t magnets. Can't explain it, can't fathom it, but can write about it and do stand-up and make lots of money, so it ain't all bad...! You do get hardened to it after about 40 years though, but you still cry on the inside (!?) each time another nubile, sensual, curvaceous, gorgeous, rampant young woman turns out to be a complete and utter freak! But here's a tip... look at their pics very closely - and/or in real-life too - especially their eyes. If they look slightly startled or screaming out of control - forget it. Lethal. But what you find is, after you've had more in the series - what used to take you 2 years to get over, takes about 2 weeks. So be brutal! Accept it... and relish that for all the psychos you're getting you're saving others from them at the same time!!!!

She might not be happy in her current relationship. You could just ask her out. If she says no then just take your breaks a different time

Well, we had a little erm... run in.. the other day, i told her i thought she looked nice and well, i might as well have said she looked like a whore from the look she gave me ! so, needless to say i backed off and sit in the warehouse to drink my brews

@Bliss, thanks for the indepth reply, it was pretty much what i was hoping for. I've read and re-read it and i don't mind saying a couple of bits hit home quite hard ! Especially the Freud part !!

Thanks all !! still open to replies, i do rather like seeing peoples ideas and reactions to my weird and random ways of looking / doing things !!

It has of course, opened up a new question.. which i shall post shortly..
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I'm generally attracted to nice guys, which is never good cos I'm a bit of a bad girl... But I have the same problem... most of the lads I've been with have been abused or have a severe sob story, but they tend not to talk about it. But yeah- everybody has a type, just sometimes you don't go for that type! Take a chance!

I meet good guys, and guys that can articualte well, but then it usually turns out they can articulate and chose not too

Maybe I am just impatience, but if i have to ask for a sense of how you're feeling all the time, I do get fed up. How hard is it to just say it?

I believe the psychology behind getting attracted to 'broken' women gives you a sense of being a support & somehow satisfies your ego ahem***, this is how your subconscious plays.Its no crime though even girls love to be credited for the support they tend to provide to their significant others. Its just my personal opinion.