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Home >> Advice >> Why do women do this to themselves?
16.12.2006, 05:43 quote
Just heard from the sister of one of my ex’s that my ex is now heavily into BDSM. You probably think, well what’s wrong with that, the problem is that this man she is with now gets off on beating, humiliating and degrading women for his own satisfaction and just doesn’t keep it in the bedroom. I’ve been told he does things like lock her in the car for hours and introduces her to his friends and family as my bitch or slut and I suspect even burned her with a soldering iron.
She was always covered in bruises which I noticed several months before we split up which leads me to believe that she was seeing him then, ..her excuse was that she bruised easily. I don’t have any feeling for her anymore but I do feel sorry for her kids who I was close too, ..she has two teenage girls and to expose them to a man like that who gets off on hurting women is nothing short of sick to me. I’m debating contacting the kids dad to let him know what’s going on. I know she is mentally ill, she’s been on medication since she was 15 and she’s been sectioned twice but I honestly thought she was getting better in the 4 years I was with her. I took care of her through all that time and treated her well but it's obviously not what she wanted.
I really can’t understand how any woman can allow herself to be abused like this willingly?
16.12.2006, 05:45 quote
| Leglover227 wrote: |
| Just heard from the sister of one of my ex’s that my ex is now heavily into BDSM. You probably think, well what’s wrong with that, the problem is that this man she is with now gets off on beating, humiliating and degrading women for his own satisfaction and just doesn’t keep it in the bedroom. I’ve been told he does things like lock her in the car for hours and introduces her to his friends and family as my bitch or slut and I suspect even burned her with a soldering iron.
She was always covered in bruises which I noticed several months before we split up which leads me to believe that she was seeing him then, ..her excuse was that she bruised easily. I don’t have any feeling for her anymore but I do feel sorry for her kids who I was close too, ..she has two teenage girls and to expose them to a man like that who gets off on hurting women is nothing short of sick to me. I’m debating contacting the kids dad to let him know what’s going on. I know she is mentally ill, she’s been on medication since she was 15 and she’s been sectioned twice but I honestly thought she was getting better in the 4 years I was with her. I took care of her through all that time and treated her well but it's obviously not what she wanted. I really can’t understand how any woman can allow herself to be abused like this willingly? |
i defo think u should contact the dad or any1 realy, i know wat i would do lol
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16.12.2006, 07:35 quote
You really should contact the kid's dad. Do you feel the kids could be in danger?
16.12.2006, 08:34 quote
| xhiddenxlustx wrote: |
| You really should contact the kid's dad. Do you feel the kids could be in danger?
|
Unfortunately, social services won't do anything unless they're in physical danger, and they would need proof that they are. ie, he'd have to have hurt them first
But Leglover, I agree with Laura. You need to let their dad know.
16.12.2006, 08:51 quote
She used to self harm all the time to the point I’d have to check her physically every night to see if she’d done anything else, she tried to hide it from me by doing it in places she thought I’d not look. I guess this is the next step. Like I said though I don’t give a f**k about her anymore she’s had 4 years of my life and not getting anymore, just the kids that concern me now. Not sure how to track down their dad but her sister might be able to help out there.
16.12.2006, 08:55 quote
Best bet would be to contact the NSPCC
their web address is http://www.nspcc.org.uk/
_________________
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
16.12.2006, 09:02 quote
| Cidem wrote: |
| Best bet would be to contact the NSPCC
their web address is http://www.nspcc.org.uk/ |
Would they be better than the SS Cidem? Only when my eldest moved back with me, she told me, and then consequently a counsellor, of some stuff that had happened to her and her sister whilst at her dads (the stepmother is a nut!) and my eldest was concerned for her halfbrother and sisters welfare, but without proof and no physical harm being done, they wouldn't pursue it further.
16.12.2006, 09:02 quote
I have no proof they are in physical danger red but it’s the emotional harm I’m worried about, ..like you said though social services won’t do anything about that. I mean what is this saying to them about men? There may come a time when they seek out a man like that because of this.
16.12.2006, 09:15 quote
| Redsback wrote: | ||
Would they be better than the SS Cidem? Only when my eldest moved back with me, she told me, and then consequently a counsellor, of some stuff that had happened to her and her sister whilst at her dads (the stepmother is a nut!) and my eldest was concerned for her halfbrother and sisters welfare, but without proof and no physical harm being done, they wouldn't pursue it further. |
I don't think they'd be better than the SS (really must stop calling them that - makes them sound like another organistion !) but I would have thought that they would have more influence over action being taken rather than an individual.
It's not something I have experience of TBH
_________________
You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither!
16.12.2006, 09:18 quote
| Leglover227 wrote: |
| I have no proof they are in physical danger red but it’s the emotional harm I’m worried about, ..like you said though social services won’t do anything about that. I mean what is this saying to them about men? There may come a time when they seek out a man like that because of this. |
Hopefully, their memories of you will help them to realise the other guys behaviour is not the norm. I take it your ex was abused when she was younger?
16.12.2006, 09:56 quote
From what I understand emotionally yes. She didn’t like to talk about it much but said she was made to feel “unloved” by her mother. She craves attention to the point of jumping up and down like a child to make you notice her.
16.12.2006, 10:02 quote
| Leglover227 wrote: |
| From what I understand emotionally yes. She didn’t like to talk about it much but said she was made to feel “unloved” by her mother. She craves attention to the point of jumping up and down like a child to make you notice her. |
It sounds like she has serious prolems beyond her upbringing or else something she's not spoken about. I have similar issues with my mum and found out 2 years ago that she has always been jealous of me. To react to that feeling the way she has would indicate something much deeper (ie abuse whether it be physical or emotional, or some mental instability possibly).
Regardless of your ex's mental state tho', the kids need to be got out of the situation.
16.12.2006, 10:36 quote
| Leglover227 wrote: |
| From what I understand emotionally yes. She didn’t like to talk about it much but said she was made to feel “unloved” by her mother. She craves attention to the point of jumping up and down like a child to make you notice her. |
16.12.2006, 13:09 quote
The mind is an odd place. I understand some of what you're referring to as I had related troubles with my ex. Its almost like she felt the need to have a controlling influence as that is all she has ever known. When someone tries to treat them with the respect they deserve, something doesn't feel right to them. They think they're either trying to hide something or worse.
Sometimes though it really does vary. Not everyone into things like BDSM do it for domination. Sometimes they do actually like it (I have a friend like this though its not exactly my cup of tea!).
In this case, it does sound like he is a prize cunt, as to what to do about it - unfortunately the only way is for her to have a friend to guide her to seeing/allowing herself to admit just how bad it is. Either that or have someone insert a nice hot soldering iron into several of his orifices..
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