A few months ago, me and a girl were dating. I was the nervous boy and she was the brilliant girl a year above me.

My nerves led me often to believe that I was inferior to things and very nervous to say what I believed. It was only through our lives merging in such a way that I managed to find the confidence to ask her out. But she was a year above me, so I didn’t know what she was on about when it came to various things etc, and just acted inferior looking up at her at times. Not all the time. It was a nice genuine relationship. Until exams caught her up. She was stressed. I was stressed with my exams. And I didn’t understand.

At this time I was beginning to find confidence, and belief in myself, but I attributed the nerves I once had to myself. They were me I thought. And so, when things got tense I went that way. And all idiot because of it. I really hurt her.

Now, a couple of months later, the world has gone upside down and back up again. Things seem so different in my eyes than they were and I have a confidence and belief in myself that I can do anything, live the life I would like to live.

But she keeps coming back into my mind. Like a dream in a way as I feel like a different person now than I was, but the more I realise our relationship was true the more I think about going back to her, trying to get our once fantastic friendship back from the bad things I did to her.

I no longer feel inferior to things like that, but then when I think of her I relate to that, but the idea of nerves and inferior have gone now, and I feel an equal. I just want to hide myself in lies of me being weak to forget about her.

I am confused, and wonder if there is anyone with some advice or know what I should do. I’d like to go and see her, but that is difficult (she’s at uni, whereas I’m in last year of 6th form now, so she’s probably having the time of her life or whatever, but she’s still in the same part of the world etc and so it doesn’t make anything any different ^^). I know her brother so could talk to him.

I am unsure just where I should go. Ignoring it I am sure will leave me in the same position of being “weak” and “nervous” to anybody I meet because of ignoring her…any help welcome guys Cheers