Right... those that know me, know that i'm an absolute nightmare with women, so this post will come as no surprise to those people.

I am in a predicament ! (big word for a Wednesday huh?!)

Basically i've got this rediculous crush on a women that i blatantly can't have, have had since about February and just can't shake it off. I know it's not going anywhere but something keeps telling me she's interested, even though my brain knows full well she isn't.

That's not the predicament though..

Someone actually messaged me on another site and we've started talking, there's mutual interest and we've 'clicked' on quite a few things, but the hole time i'm talking to her, i'm thinkin about the other lass

Now, if i had just read that and had to reply, i'd call the op an utter c**t and tell them that they don't deserve either women. Hence the predicament.

I might point out, that the woman who messaged me is stupidly good looking - she's miles out of my league (i do wonder if she messaged me as a wind up tbh) and my brain is telling me i'd be an utter dick to not at least go with it and see what happens.

Now i'm not planning on rushing in to anything here, we've only been talking for a short time and, like i said, some of you know what i'm like.

Also, those that do know me, don't mention this on facebook. (they're both on there)

heeeeeeeeeelppppppppppp !

Thank you please.

Stu.

(hugs and kisses available on request)
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If I were you, I'd take time to find out which person would be more practical for you - as in, which would lead to a relationship you would be happy with. You haven't said if you click or not with this first girl in anything other than looks - but of course, that's something you need to find out.

What you do need to get out of your head is that it's a "wind-up" - like everyone, women have different tastes. One woman's eh is another woman's wow. And if she's in your head so much, you NEED to speak with her, to get rid of the what ifs, because they're not going to go anywhere. Then, when you've done that, you'll be able to look more objectively at the practicalities and be able to decide.

So speak to this woman. Get to know her, like you're getting to know this other girl. It may work, it may not. At least you'd have closure. Really, you couldn't pursue this second girl without getting rid of the thoughts about this first girl - it wouldn't be fair. So go for it. You never know, you may be pleasantly surprised.

Yeah Stu I am with MakoMW, and an added bit of info, this lass probably knows how you feel, she probably senses it from you. So, she may already have an idea. So, put it out there. Get it off your chest. Then you can move on. Good luck with whatever you decide!

Pursue the second one - she hasn't contacted you out of kindness or a care in the community order, if you've already clicked on certain things you're heading in the right direction.

Treat your crush of the first one as a guilty pleasure but don't use it as an excuse to not take that leap of faith with the second lady who's obviously interested.

Oh Stu u are in a pickle....

First I would think that as you've had this crush on the first woman since feb & it seems no further forward then I think u should just go for it & see what happens. You have absolutely nothing to lose. It may be that she knows u have a crush but is just leaving u dangling cos she knows she can, to pick up when she wants. Otherwise surely u should have made some head way by now, and if she rebuffs u at least u have closure on that part of ur life.

Im thinking that as the 2nd lady got in touch with u then maybe u would have better luck there. We dont get in touch with guys for no reason you know. And please have a lil self belief.....u r a genuine nice guy & I for one am begining to think guys like u are as rare as hens teeth

Good luck with whatever u decide to do xx

I wouldn't feel guilty at all? I wouldn't expect chatting on the web with somebody to replace a crush over somebody you've had prolonged contact with. Give web lady time, if it progesses meet up etc - and the 'guilty' crush will most likely lift.
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"The tighter you grasp Lord Vader, the more it will slip through your fingers."

Why do you say you blatently can't have her? You can have anyone you want. It's so easy. Believe it and you can achieve it. Have you tried flashing her to see if she responds...?!

Well, if you "can't" have her as you say, then there isn't much else you can practically do about it. If she's already 'taken' etc then its probably a better idea to concentrate on areas in which you can actually have access to. (!)

Your 'guilty' crush might not even turn out worthwhile anyhow, so not all will be lost!

Although if you turn your attention to someone else, as Zack says, the 'third person' obsession will, in time, pass.

But you're an intelligent sounding guy, I'm sure you don't need this advice...!

Or... failing that you can always have both! 'Keep-one-under-the-stairs-cupboard' kind of thing...

Just compartmentalise your guilt and have 'em both.

Then make an "informed decision" in future.

ok, i think you guys have missed the point, However thanks for your replies. i'll try to make it a bit clearer..

I can't have the one i have a crush on. It's never going to happen. She's nearly that M word and i don't want to ruin things for her - not that i think i'd even stand a chance anyway.

The problem is, that i can't stop thinking about her, even when i'm talking to the one who contacted me. It's actually making me feel really bad (i really am that selfish, it seems). I have considered talking to her about it because i don't want her to think i'm not interested, because i am. It feels like some sordid dirty little secret and i don't like it.

Anyone know how to turn a brain off ? mines doing my head in
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...Hmm, I still think you've got the majority of necessary info here!

care to elaborate ? tell me what you 'need' to know and i shall see about answering.
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