hi, just found this. and was disturbingly surprised how long it took for somebody to say to go to the police.

It may seem like its too late and not warrantied etc. and lots of people say you shouldnt talk to the police. But this isnt a normal crime. this is perverted and sick.
There have been a fe serious cases in the last fer years, and it was only when somebody was arrested for something that his previous victims come forward. There is a comedian on trial now where the similar has happened).

Your boyfrien probably wonders what the hell has happened. He will have loads of stuff running around his head. But you are the victim, and if anything else you need to see a counsellor, because it can affect you without even realising. And me personally i would have him killed

I hope you find your own path and find the courage to walk along it

I didn't even read the replies to this before I decided to write my own. Not something that I broadcast very often...but I can totally relate to that.
I was 11.
And oddly...it's never really bothered me...well not in the way it does other people. Sometimes after an experience like that you are afraid to leave the house, suffer from unnatural fears and such. I've never been like that.
If you feel that you can move on and get over it...well then do that. And more power to you for it. Rape isn't a sexual high for perpetrators. It's all about power. The power to make you feel afraid of every least little shadow in the night. Of every looming face in the darkness. Every strange noise. The power to take away your basic human right of choice. By carrying on with your life, you are taking that power back. So if you can carry on and not get bogged down in the fear, anger and self-disgust.....I commend you.

Good luck.

Miz,

Fiirstly you need to take care of yourself. Talking here is good; talking to someone in real life is better.

Secondly, not reporting this creep is empowering him to do it again.


tim

I agree with the general consensus here. This guy has to be brought to face this this horrific crime. What right has he to do this and walk away smiling? none.. he is scum and deserves some retaliation. It is upto you how you do that.. legal, freinds, family .. but as already stated if this scumbag gets away with this, without comeback, he will do it again, and it will get more extreme the more he does it.

I think you are taking it very well, and you seem extremely mature about it. I hope you are really ok .. I do not understand why your boyfreind got angry with you and not the perpetrator, perhaps it is his way of dealing with it? I dont really know what to say about that point..

I wish you the best with whatever decision you take, and as someone as said already, do not ever think it was in anyway your fault, because there is no way it was..

Best Wishes Hon

Russ
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Take a chance .. it may be your only hope ..

why you even talking about this in an internet forum for fuck sake? call the police and put him in jail where he belongs

i was date raped a few months ago.... i know who did it, i got the gardai (police) involved.... but like you all i wanted to do was move on... luckily ,i guess, i dont remember the actual rape and i guess thats kinda helped me move on... my parents knew and have been protective of me but they understand that in order to get on with my life they have to let me live it and make my own decisions. I wish it had never happened and the worst thing is i thought the guy was a friend. I'd turned him down on numerous occasions before and maybe that triggered it... i dont kno. i honestly dont. It was hard... i did become a little withdrawn.... scared of going places on my own, places like college or town ..... weirdly enough i wasnt scared of going out to clubs etc... coz i knew i was with ppl who'd look after me....

the worst thing bout telling my parents was that they were so distraught that they told all my aunts and uncles and family... i know they were trying to help but i didnt have a choice in the matter.... i think what really affected me after the experience was my lack of control over my life and the decisions that were being made for me with out consulting me...

i know this is a really long msg but strangely it's the first time i've sed it to anyone that wasnt a close close friend.

so anyway thats my comment on the situation...everyone is different thats what you have to understand... no one can tell you how you should deal with it.....i didnt

I was sexually assaulted when i was 22, 15 years ago now. I worked in a pub at the time and knew the guy, obviously he didn't think he had done anything wrong. I had to see him all the time which made it a little bit hard to get it out of my head ................ My close friends knew what had happened and gave him hell, one of the guys in there even gave him a slap or 2, which made me feel a little bit better at the time.

Cant imagine how being fully Raped would feel, but if you have good family and friends around you and can talk about it, thats all that counts ........... x

Hope your feeling better now Zeratite ................. xx

Hi Zaratite. Sadly I have my own experience too, It happened 10 years ago when I was 27. Its something that I can never forget. It took me a long time to get over it but time is a great healer. Friends and family helped me no end.. so I just hope you have that support to fall back on when and If things ever get on top of you. You are really brave posting that... when it only happened a few months ago. It looks like you are dealing with it really well so I wish you all the best in getting over what that scum bag did to you xx
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I'd say go and talk to the police. Even if you aren't sure about reporting it, there will be people there who are used to helping others who have been through exactly the same. I know people who have been abused and the effect it has had on them.

I'm not a violent person and have never been in a real fight, but god help me if I ever meet the people who have responsible for abusing my friends. If it actually happened to a girlfriend I'd imagine being somewhat stunned and unsure of how any of my actions towards her would affect her. As for the fella, well a few years ago I might have gone through channels but people like that don't understand that and only see legal retribution as some sort of injustice against them. I know enough people to make sure they think twice in future.

cheers annmarie, cheers kizz.... i think i'm doing ok, actually wait i know i'm doing ok for now. i just hope that it wont haunt me in the future!. strangely i feel more confident now than i did before because i know i have such a great support system, tho they may be suffocating at times! but any thanks for the well wishing! i appreciate it!

Obviously it must be a harrowing experience and something which i think most people wouldn't be fully equipment to deal with it. Its a fairly big piece of luggage to carry around with you, understandably.

I know two girls that had been raped, a girl i worked with and my cousin. My workmate is a seriously cool girl and was in top form before it happened. I think anyone is going to be shell shocked after it happens but its dealing with it properly afterwards that is the most important thing from what i can see. I don't think she has to be honest. Now i don't know her well enough to know the full story after it happened (the friendship with everyone in work kinda changed afterwards, not because of anything we said of done, but its something we all noticed, it changed her life to be honest), i don't know how she's dealt with it. Its easy for me to say, i know that but in this particular case i think she should seek some help.

My cousin, who i'm closer to didn't seek help for years afterwards and it definitely effected her in ways which probably weren't very evident to herself, or us either for that matter but she has since sought help and is all the better for it. She says she should have dealt with it sooner. She had/has a lot of support but she still thinks she could have improved the quality of her life (mentally, socially) if she had done something sooner. Her quality of life physically wont ever be the same as she has a problem with her back and is disabled to the point she cant work again as a result.

Its serious business and can be a huge burden. You may be able to cope on your own but why do you need to if there is help available. If it makes life easy then its a good thing.


Also while on this topic, there is a good film that goes some way to highlighting the seriousness of this issue. Its an eye opener.

I know this is a bit of a late reply but I also have something to add

Firstly Miz, let me say I understand your reaction, I was raped by my boyfriend about 8 years ago at varsity, I was 18. What made it worse was that the bastard still came over the next day and pretended like nothing had happened. I was too scared to tell anyone, besides with the justice system in SA, he's be out in 6 months if he was even arrested.

I reacted the same way you did. It bothered me, but not to the extent where I was withdrawn or paranoid, but I pushed it to the back of my head and constantly told myself it wasn't my fault and completely avoided the guy (luckily he never came back the next semester).

What I want to say to you though, is, even though then, I acted as though nothing had happened, 7 years later I suffered from severe clinical depression and am still seeing a shrink! It doesn't go away, although you feel fine now, it's just the mind's way of dealing with a traumatic experience. It'll come back to haunt you when you least expect it. Yeah I told my nearest and dearest ones as well, but my advice to you is to seek proffessional help, so you can dig it out of your subconcious and deal with it.

And another thing, seeing the sick bastard who did this to you is not going to help you deal with it. Yes, you'll tell yourself that you're fine, but seriously, take it from me, you are not fine.

I wish you all the best and am trully sorry that this happened to you, stay strong.