Hi everyone, I'm just looking for some good advice about the situation that I am in. I would love to hear all your honest opinions, thank you. This is long, lol.

This time last year (June 11th) I meet my Ex online, she is in Engalnd....I am in Scotland.

Anyway we both hit it off online, straight away & we knew that something was going to happen between us... so we decided to meet up.

On August 9th I got a flight down to England to see her.... everything went perfect (we fell in love straight away) Therefore we started dating & I was going down to England every two weeks & staying at her place.

Sometime in October she got one of her friends (unkowing to me) to talk to me online (basically to try & set me up) to see if I would meet up with her for a date. Now of course I didnt do anything.... as I was in love with my ex.

Something in my mind said this is not right & I asked my ex was it her I was really talking to online... and she said no, no way, it had nothing to do with me. I said ok fair enough sorry I thought it was you.

3 days later she said to me... Craig it was me, well a friend of mine who I asked to do it. I said why, she said well I had make sure you wouldnt cheat on me. Anyway I forgave her for what she did.

On January 20th this year we got Engaged & I was moving to England...but she wanted me to get my own place, untill her yougnest daughter was ok with us living together.

I said well thats ok, I understand that (Her daughter is 10) I said well how long would I need to live by myself, she said well if her daughter dosent want me to move in till she is 18, then I would have to wait.....but she said she might be ok with it 2-3 years time. (crazy as it sounds, I said ok, cos I wanted to be closer to her)

Now at the end of Febuary she said to me online I have something to tell you... and your not going to like it.

I said ok what is it, she said 3 years ago (2003) I was working as an Escort. I was sleeping with clients (men & woman) for money...£120 an hour. Now I was shocked at this, but as this was b4 I meet her I thought it was none of my business.

She said to me... I stopped along time ago, she even showed me her web site that she had online. I asked her how many clients she had... she said about 170.... again I said ok nothing to do with me as it was b4 you meet me.

Then one night while I was looking at her site, I noticed when she had last logged in & when a client had last left a review. So I clicked on the E-mail to make a false booking.... sure enough she got back to me saying yes I am free that nite for 2 hours.

Well I was shocked as hell, so I called her the next morning... I told her what i did (I know I was wrong to make a fasle booking) but I had to know the truth.

Anyway she said no it wasnt her, I said ok well who sent me the E-mail. She said it was one of her friends who now sees her clients (as shes no longer working as an Escort) I said, oh ok... agian very sorry I thought it was you.

10 mins later we are chatting on MSN... she said to me, Craig it was me who sent that Email and I am still Escorting behind your back. My heart sunk, I was lost for words.

She said to me... I am sorry but I am not going to stop Escorting as the money is far to good. I said not even for me, she said no.... escorting will come first.

She said to me that she would love to have a male partner to work with in the Escort business, as theres more money to be made....I.E. some clients who book her want a 3some. She was basically trying to get me to work with her as a couple, but I was not into it. She said thats ok, nps.

So since Febuary up untill 3 weeks ago, I was still with her & she was Escorting (doing all sorts, 3somes as well) again I asked her to stop, she said no. Anyway 3 weeks ago, she dumped me online.... saying I am to immature as I cant accpet her job. She sent back her Engagement ring, changed her mobile number and has deleted me from MSN.

Now none of her friends or family know thats shes an Escort..... she even asked me not to tell anyone why we had split up. She is now telling her friends & family that we split cos I was just to immature (but she not telling them why) I am 32, she is 39 by the way & Bisexual.

Yes in the last 3 months I have been rowing with her, but thats only cos I was worried about the job she was doing, the clients she was seeing, worried about her safety.... and I wanted her to stop. But she said to me.....Escorting will always come b4 you Craig.

I feel she was using me right from the start & when I said no I'm not really wanting to join her as a male Escort to work with her she dumped me.... making the excuse I was to immature about it all.

What do you guys think of this...please be honest about it.

was I wrong to ask her to stop Ecorting?
was I wrong not to go into the Escorting business with her?
was she wrong to say Escorting will always come first?
I'm I better off with out her?
was I being used?

Was I wrong to ask her to stop Ecorting? No!, its not an everyday job is it and I think alot of men could not cope with their wives or girlfriends doing it!

Was I wrong not to go into the Escorting business with her? NO!

Was she wrong to say Escorting will always come first? YES! No one should love their job more than their partner!

I'm I better off with out her? I believe you are!

Was I being used? Possibly.

was I wrong to ask her to stop Ecorting?

Depends how you felt about her doing it. From a safty point of view I think you were right.

was I wrong not to go into the Escorting business with her?

again depends how you felt at the time but from what your saying I think it would have been a bad move as you tried to put a stop to it in the first place.

was she wrong to say Escorting will always come first?

Most definatly yes, her first priority should have been you if she claimed she loved you.

I'm I better off with out her?

Yes, move on and forget her. You have no future together if she's that self absrobed with her job. There are other ways of making a living.

was I being used?

No I dont think she used you as such, she has gained nothing from you and had the decency to return the ring. Move on fella and put it behind you where it all belongs. Good luck.

Im going to say it the way i see the situation as usual.

People do have jobs like this and they also can have partners who dont mind as they see it as a job. The main scene you usally see this in is the porn industry, plenty of porn stars have partners.

I would say it was the fact she wasnt honest about it to you in the first place. She would also never have told you she was still doing it till you made a false booking.

I can tell this is hurting you and that you still really like her. I can tell you also really feel for her, because you wouldnt have carried on seeing her. BUT i also see from what you have wrote that i believe she had feelings for you, BUT wouldnt commit <sp?> yes she got engaged to you, but unless you actually set a date to be married its not really commiting.

Now from your side i believe you did what you thought was right, not everyone can handle their partner having that sort of job, some can, but not all. So asking her to stop wasnt selfish.


was I wrong to ask her to stop Ecorting?

You would only be wrong if you MADE her, which you never you asked and she said no. But i believe you asked more times than you make out, hence the reason she started to get angry about it.


was I wrong not to go into the Escorting business with her?
If there is one thing i have learnt, it is not to do something you dont want to just to keep the one you love. If she loved you so much back she wouldnt make you do what you dont feel right with.

was she wrong to say Escorting will always come first?
No, if she wants that for herself then thats what you would have had to deal with, but she could also be stuck in the trap just because of the money. You cant make someone change, you fall in love with the person they are, and if you can, you go through whatever they do as a job.

I'm I better off with out her?
From what i have read, i believe she is not the 'one' for you, but one thing you need to remember, is respect her descion, and do not be the one to say the horrible things, if she says horrible things to you, just take them on the chin. There is no need to argue, tell her you are worried about her if you are.

was I being used?
I dont believe so, but thats just me. I believe she did/does have feelings for you and wanted you to get involved so that you could keep the relationship together.

I hope that all helps for you. Give me more and i will help more. Thanks.

Your local Advice Moderator!

I think everyone has answered the questions well and i dont need to answer them aswell, jus wanted to say im sorry as no one deserves to be treated the way you were! Im sure things will get better and you will
meet someone else who wont hurt you so bad! Jenny x

"was I wrong to ask her to stop Ecorting?
was I wrong not to go into the Escorting business with her?
was she wrong to say Escorting will always come first?
I'm I better off with out her?
was I being used?"

No you were not wrong to ask her to quit escorting, you felt uncomfortable with the things she was doing... i can imagine all the pictures going on in your head and you had every right to ask... but ask is all you can do and it was her perogative to say no if she felt like she needed to keep doing it for the money.
You were also not wrong to into the escorting business with her... if its something she enjoys well then fine, but you said no because you would obviously not enjoy it. good man.. stick to your guns. just as she had every right to decline giving up you had every right to decline starting up.
At least she was honest about how she felt when she said escorting would always come first. a lot of people wouldn't be so honest. if that is the way she is prioritising her life so be it. you have to understand that this is her "job" and a lot of people make thier jobs #1.
i cant say if you are better off without her... i usually try and wiegh up the good times against the bad and see which is more. but that's just me. and then i know whether a relationship was good or bad. but based on her lies i think you're well out of it.
i dont think you were being used to be honest... i think she honestly thought it might work between you two. perhaps she even gets off on her work and was hoping to share the experience with you to "deepen" your bonds... i dont know. i think this is a confused girl who really doesnt know what she wants apart from her job. some of the demands she made on you were a little unreal... making you wait 2-3 years before you moved in after you were engaged.. she should never have accepted your proposal if she felt unsure of your relationship or her daughter's reaction to it.

hope i helped a little.

""yes she got engaged to you, but unless you actually set a date to be married its not really commiting""

Sorry I forgot to say, we did actually set a date for next year (even tho all the stuff about her daughter) we where hoping when the time came, she would have been ok with it..

I said to her what would have happend if I found out about it after we got married and couldnt handle you Escorting.......she said to me......I would divorce you and ask you to move out.

She has siad to me, once you start Escorting its hard to stop cos of the money......which she picked over me, even tho we had set a date.

But I was worried about her as well... as most/all of her clients are just guys of the net who have seen her profile and arrange a booking with her.