There must be plenty of you out there in the same boat and am looking for intelligent suggestions???!!!
A long story short.... was with partener/fiance for over 6 years in which time we lived together, myself, her and her son(oh,and sooty the cat of course). happy family! between us, late last year, we decided it was nt working, the best of friends and still good friends now, no argueing and a healthyish sex life, but routine instead of love and hard as it was together the choice was made to split. Her son is a great kid, and too stays in contact but the time has come to move on for both her and myself. Is it wrong to stay in contact with her son as he constantly asks if/when were getting back together? if i stay in contact am i misleading him into something that he's hoping for? yet if i dont... i become the bastard that doesnt bother or care any more ! but surely that would be easier for him? god only knows how you people cope when it comes to divorce and your own kids!!! just because he's not my son am i suppossed to walk away and never look back? yet she still lets me know that he wants to do somthing on a sat/sun with me. His birthday too next weekend... a lost and confused nelboy.
so inspire me people!

Difficult one Neil, and you don't say how old he is.

You've also got to think about whether you'd have time for that kind of commitment. It may seem like you have now, but a year or 2 down the line and you may find yourself in another relationship, maybe even more children.

I'm afraid there's no easy answer to your quandary.

If you and your ex get on and the boy wants to see you, then see him. Whether you and his mum are together or not, you're a positive male role model in his life who he trusts. This speaks volumes about the kind of person that you are that he wants you in his life.
He might not be yours biologically but it doesn't matter, you've obviously given this young man some very positive thoughts on life and he doesn't want to lose a solid friendship just because you and his mum don't see eye to eye.

I would have to agree with 8legs...but I also see where Red is coming from...

This really is a difficult situation and one that you must handle delicately, if all are to come out unscathed. Firstly, how old is the boy? Secondly, is there no father in his life at all? You've not mentioned her situation with the child's father...
I don't think that staying in contact with the child will cause you or your ex any problems and he certainly admires, respects and loves you. It would be cruel now to break that bond which, surely you must have after six years. But again, if in two/three years time you settle down and have your own family, where does this leave that poor little boy? Will you still take him on the weekends and things? Along with your own children? My thought would be to stay in contact with him, if you really want to, but if you decide to do that.....don't just dump him in a few years time if and when you want a family. And you must be sure to make it clear to future partners that you have a love for this child and he will be a part of your life.

I hope I have helped a bit. No doubt more advice will be offered.

Chin up!

Well thanks for your views people. And charmingdave, its nice to know theres others in a similar situation.
The boy will be 17 but is a very young minded kid. Happy with the simple things in life like watchin football, playing snooker, F1 and other things that we do/did as families do. He see's his biological dad on a regular basis about once a month and the ex only speaks to him when he collects him or birthdays/christmas to arrange who's buying what and so on.
I have never tried to be a father to him as he has his own, just a good friend and be there for him. Any break up is hard but to see a child devastated with the split hurts in a way that cant be described and leaves you feeling helpless.
As time moves on so too has the ex, and now its time for me to do the same. However, i will always be there for him now or in the years to come and he knows this. She to knows this and still encourages it as she knows we have a bond thats not father and son but means a lot to him.
Thanks for your views on this charmin, 8legs, red & purrrfect!

At 17 you should have no trouble maintaining contect. He's at an age where he can express how he wants things to continue and even be the one to contact you as time goes by. You'll be a good mate as much as anything else.

Hope all goes well Neil