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Home >> Advice >> Have you ever loved two people at the same time ?

31.07.2007, 00:28 quote

Anonymous

Just wondering if anyone here has found themselves strongly attracted to two people at the same time. Have you ever been loved by someone who claims to love you and someone else, strongly, and torn deeply as a result ?

What was the situation and what did you or they do ?

I'm not meaning people you've not known long, although I guess that is equally relevant, I am thinking very much about people who know each other very well.

I'm not really looking for advice, myself, but this just seemed like the best place to put this particular subject.

 

31.07.2007, 10:01 quote

elitious
elitious Joined: 06 Apr 2007 Posts: 1264 Location: United Kingdom, Scotland, Glasgow
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yea, i have , mom n dad Razz
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31.07.2007, 12:22 quote

Anonymous

I have been involved in a menage a trois on two occassions, when i was younger. It isnt something i would get involved in now, had my fingers burnt twice, and serve me right for getting involved with a woman who wasnt single on each time.

Now, i look at it like this, if you and somebody else like each other but they are not single, if they liked you that much they would leave their partner first before becoming too deeply involved with you. if they were not prepared to do that then they wouldnt be worth me risking getting hurt again. Cant say i have ever been the one who was already involved though, as i have always been a one woman man, i put too much of myself into a relationship to go and risk losing it all.

 

31.07.2007, 12:43 quote

Bliss23
Bliss23 Joined: 21 Mar 2007 Posts: 4327 Location: United Kingdom, Scotland, Edinburgh
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The most interestin thang would be someone falling in love with a couple =))))))

I think you can be attracted to a couple of people, but to love 'em both the same time? I just don't see that happenin'.

 

31.07.2007, 18:00 quote

Krian
Krian Joined: 22 Jul 2007 Posts: 69 Location: United Kingdom, England, London
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Yeah, I believe in it, its called polygamy.

The philosophers in ancient greece believed that love was made up of three things (not sure of the spellings, but meh): Eros, which is sexual love, or lust. Fillios, which is brotherly love or friendship and Spiritos, which is spiritual love, or worship.

The love ya feel for your family members or friends is a mixture of Fillios and Spiritos, the 'love' you feel for a celebrity or someone physically attractive is a combination of Eros and Spiritos, and finally the love ya feel for someone you want to marry is (or should be) a combination of Eros, Fillios and Spiritos.

My view is that i know i feel the three different types for different people, and have done when I was in love before, as Elitious pointed out, ya can love both of your parents, you dont have to choose which one you prefer.

So if I felt Eros, Fillios and Spiritos for an ex, and at the same time Fillios and Spiritos for my parents, and Eros and Spiritos for a really attractive woman i knew, then why couldnt i also feel Fillios for this attractive woman whilst still being with my partner?

Theres quite a few peeps in the world who live a polyamourous lifestyle, its becoming a bit more accepted. If its something your consindering entering into i suggest doing a quick net search for polyamourity or polygamy websites, they tend to have a fair bit of information on em and a lot of em have forums that can answer any questions you might have in much greater detail.

Anyway, hope that helps Razz
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01.08.2007, 07:54 quote

Anonymous

I'd say it's totally possible. I've been thinking about this thread for a couple of days before adding to it as a lot of my views are 'extreme' and could cause controversy.
However, before everyone jumps into the 'morals' debate, this is MY personal view on the matter:
Monogamy isn't a natural state, I do believe that there are such things as soul mates but they're rare. Monogamy is not instinctive, it's been impressed upon us by ancient religious doctrines over many centuries and we're told that it's how we should be. I don't think we should at all. If we were meant to be like that then nobody would ever have affairs, threesomes, foursomes or moresomes.
I think it's perfectly possible to love more than one person in an "in love" sense because humans are extremely colourful beings and all have different things to offer as said in the polygamy post above.
We're merely stunted by old traditions rather than listening to ourselves.

 

01.08.2007, 08:34 quote

women4me
Joined: 15 May 2007 Posts: 240 Location: United Kingdom, England, West Midlands
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Interesting but where do kids come into this? 'where's mum tonight', 'oh she's at your uncles again' i can see there'll be a lot of aunties and uncles who don't appear at xmas time.

I don't disagree with you, it's something i've often thought of but i was wondering how the polys handle the kids.

 

01.08.2007, 08:40 quote

Anonymous

women4me wrote:
Interesting but where do kids come into this? 'where's mum tonight', 'oh she's at your uncles again' i can see there'll be a lot of aunties and uncles who don't appear at xmas time.

I don't disagree with you, it's something i've often thought of but i was wondering how the polys handle the kids.


I don't have any experience of such things but, when it's something that's always been considered normal, kids will adapt to anything.
It's only the traditional western thinking world that will immediately condemn it as being wrong because it doesn't fit to their rigid values.

 

01.08.2007, 09:31 quote

Anonymous

I agree with you there 8legs, it is entirely possible to love two people, i guess it comes down to what a persons values are and how open to that prospect they are. These things can be hugely determined by conditioning, and the kinds of values instilled in us at a young age. That said, conditioning can be unconditioned, so its not just limited to someone who had the kind of upbringing that would be more liberal of such ways of being.
Love is as they say, blind and i suppose it could be multi headed as well Laughing

 

01.08.2007, 10:18 quote

Anonymous

i don't think monogamy, or serial monogamy, is not without it's advantages.

For the curious, this is not an issue in my life.

 

01.08.2007, 10:37 quote

Anonymous

CharmingDave wrote:
i don't think monogamy, or serial monogamy, is not without it's advantages.



I agree with this too. I'm not in the slightest anti-monogamy if it works and, of course, it does work for many, many people - quite possibly more than polygamy does, I have no statistics to find out.
I am more against the social conditioning that monogamy is, allegedly, "the way to be" when it's blatantly not working for more than a few people.

 

01.08.2007, 16:15 quote

Krian
Krian Joined: 22 Jul 2007 Posts: 69 Location: United Kingdom, England, London
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8legs wrote:

I agree with this too. I'm not in the slightest anti-monogamy if it works and, of course, it does work for many, many people - quite possibly more than polygamy does, I have no statistics to find out.
I am more against the social conditioning that monogamy is, allegedly, "the way to be" when it's blatantly not working for more than a few people.


I kinda agree with the whole social conditioning thing, but most religions had a specific reason for a lot of the stuff they describe as a sin. The jewish belief about not eating meat and cheese stems more from using seperate dishes to wash dairy and meat and this was down to a way to help avoid disease.

Hindu (I think) beliefs on fasting are down to a way to prepare the body to cope with excessively bad times of famine, for example during a particularly bad monsoon season.

A lot of the beliefs about monogamy and indeed sex before marriage was down to the prevention of the spread of STD's - remember that when the 'sins' were created diseases such as syphilius weren't understood, all they could tell was that sexually promiscuous people would go mad.

Remember also that most religions are patrichial in nature, ok, so theres alot of bad points with that, but if you look back at family structures when people were still mainly a agricultural society the men did the farming whilst the women looked after the home. From a purely logical viewpoint there is only so much food a man can grow using medieval technology - generally enough to feed himself, his wife and children with a little left over to trade for necessities.

As it was millions of people died from starvation in the winter, if you had thrown in another wife or two and all the additional kids the lack of birth control would have provided, that figure would have been vastly larger.

Meh.

Anyway, ya, these days really not relevant but religion does tend to dictate a large part of peoples view points and there was generally a reason the religions created these things.

Look at family life today - people are considerably less religious, sexual promiscuity is up, the age at which people start having sex is down, the number of single parents is waaaay up etc.

And on a final note, i know how much money i spend on one partner at christmas and valentines day, I think i'd bankrupt myself if i tried to date more than one Laughing Oooh, not to mention dating multiple women who are all PMT'ing at the same time....... *runs for the hills*
_________________
Cigarettes and ramen and a little bag of dope
I am the son of a bitch and Edgar Allen Poe
Raised in the city under a halo of lights
The product of war and fear that we've been victimized

 

14.10.2007, 20:57 quote

Anonymous

This SHOULD be the only reason you'll ever need to stay faithful to the other half.
All well and good to go out and get wasted and cheat on the girlfriend/boyfriend, but the thing that will get you in the end is that you will meet someone you actually make a real connection with, then you are fucked!
When I was younger, staying faithful was a term I was not at all familiar with (actually the term 'bastard' probably applies here), and I can only count myself lucky that I pretty much only ever ended up with muppets, cos I am the type of guy that when I do fall in love, it is pretty overpowering, and any common sense/logic go right out of the window.

 

20.10.2007, 11:56 quote

stevie_velvet
stevie_velvet Joined: 13 Dec 2003 Posts: 75 Location: United Kingdom, England, London
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1st example is of a friend

She's a single parent & fell in love with 2 guys at the same time, 1 was younger, artisitc & a huge a mount of verve, the other, much older but retain the looks & phsyique spoiled here (& her him). I told here that each perosn interacted with different parts of her, but neihter appeared to take her eheart fully, & her's theirs...'Preserve İour Heart'..thankfully she did

2nd example of what I've been told
She married her childhood sweethaerat & they never argued, not even on holiday. 6 years in the relationship she had a interviewed where a instant attraction happend beteen the interviwin g manager & her. Sho got dpressed & guilty about ti &could't understand why that soem feelings for her hsuband wer't unqiue. She took the job, dismissing it , but, inxplicably kissed her boss in private & sparked off a affair. The Sex was great but not worse or better than with her husband. He made her tick in ways she didn;t know about, & they did fell in Love, whihc was teraing here apart, not from the guilt but fome the feeling of love for another persoan. She seperated from her hsuband & left her job, then got maried to her hsuband for the 2nd time

FYI Neither example was anyting to do with love-lust bi-axis so fonte happens with trianglular relationships

Coincidetly, me & some friends have produced a script we're touting with the film company all us used to work for, about a married woman who falls for two people for difernet reasons, but loves them both; with a few twists !

 
 
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