Strange topic header, but i didn't really know what to call it..

After digging up one of my old threads a few minutes ago, i got to thinking about things..

I have always been a believer in fate / destiny - what will be will be etc.

I'm starting to wonder if i'm just meant to be alone ! I'm on my own for about 90% of the day, the only time i see people is when i go into the office to hand in paperwork, the drivers ( i'm a storeman / forklift driver ) and the folks at home. Just lately, people in general have started to annoy me, i've suddenly noticed a lot more of the snide comments about other people and on some occasions have become quite er.. arsey about it ( for want of a better term ), defending people i barely even know and how quickly i become bored of listening to people talking about things

Even when i get home, i can't be bothered with the folks - i'm looking to get my own place as, to be honest, i enjoy peace and quite a lot more than hearing other people's voices.

It's the last bit that's bothering me - i can talk to people by text, msn, online chat, forums etc, but face to face, i just plain don't want to talk to people any more. On the rare occasion's that i go out to a club / bar etc i'll just sit in the corner having a drink.

The reason it bothers me, is i have a double bed.. all to myself and nearly every night i lay there wishing i had someone to cuddle up to, to kiss goodnight and to wake up next to. It's a complete contradiction is it not ? I actually think i'm going a bit doolaly ! Either that or it's a side effect of not being with anyone for a year.

Opinions, views, spam, rediculous comments etc welcome.. i'd love to know what you folks think i should do or be doing !!
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Interesting thread and made me rethink my initial thoughts on your recent post in that thread you referred to above. Had thought that it was good that you hadn't met up with her, and to that extent it hasn't changed my thoughts.

But I will try to go and comment on that more in that thread where it will make (slightly) more sense.

Fundamentally though I don't think you've moved on successfully from that and possibly other relationships and that it's still affecting you. Possibly the chat you had with her today could help you, let's hope so.

Withdrawing in the way you are is worrying and sounds like that moving out could make things worse with the potential for having even less real contact, in honesty I think you'd be well advised to get some professional help.
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It's funny how much we reason at this time Stu. I'm in the same position as you are, but surely because of different reasons.

Because of losing two very important people in my life the past year, I pretty much closed down.

Now I'm not sayin' that's yer case, but I do find myself in what you're saying.

The MSN part included.

I suppose it's easier to talk to people on the Internet because you can speak only with people you actually want to speak with and because you can leave a conversation easier than in real life.

Professional help? Maybe... We all need some professional help at points in our lives. And it's good to get it.

But if you don't want that just now, like I don't par example / or don't have the time even... Listen to yer body and mind. There are reasons for which they're telling you that you'd like some peace and quiet and less human contact for a while.

In my case, some things hurt me and I need some time to/with myself before time with others. I also became pickier with choosing my relationships and with other things too.

Just take some time to yourself and think about how you'd like things to go from now on, why you feel the way you do right now and where you'd like things to change. Answers are always in you. You just have to listen.

Hope this helped a bit.
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The thing about moving out and having your own space, is really positive, I feel. I know you said that you not been feeling like you want to talk much with people in your life, and it would seem externally that a desire to live alone with those feelings might appear you are trying to isolate yourself. In a way you could be, but also you could not be. By doing your own thing like that you gain control over what people you see and when. It only becomes a problem when you choose not to see anybody at all and go mad like Jack in the Shinning

However, I would disagree strongly with the idea of "meant to be alone" because that is an easy way out in my opinion and suggests an external force/helplessness. It would seem to me that you are lacking people in your life whom you can REALLY relate to. The people you talk to online, perhaps you relate better to those people in certain contexts. But it would be good wouldn't it, if you could find some of those people in your real offline life? I did this myself and so I can say they do exist, all you have to say to yourself is, if there is you in this world, thinking and feeling the way you do, then it is more than possible that there is somebody else like that.

I don't have a huge network of friends, I used to think I did, but really I had/have a huge network of familiar acquaintances. I can count the number of the friends I really like spending time with and talking to on one hand. And I can appreciate the fact that that may be down to me going against the grain a lot because I tend to refuse to do what is expected of me if it isnt what I feel like doing. I don't think that many people get me, but I have learnt to appreciate that and be happy with that because it has bought some very interesting and beautiful people into my life whom I may not have met if I were doing what was expected/conforming.

My favourite poem is one by Robert Frost which sums up the time in my early 20s when i felt the way you are describing now Stu, and I ain't saying that I went through the same as you because we all go through things differently in life. But the poem "The road not taken" describes my experience perfectly, it has remained my favourite poem ever and well, I love poetry.

http://img35.imageshack.us/img35/8025/96506130yv3.jpg

I have felt sometimes in my life that in order to get to what I really want, I need to strip back all those things that are holding me back from doing it, distractions, negative people, bad habits etc. Like peeling the layers of an onion to arrive at the core.


I no longer believe in fate or destiny, but then maybe that is because I haven't reached mine?

Anyways, I probably said too much already after the first paragraph

Thanks for the replies so far folks, certainly some interesting points. I'll probably flick back and forth on it as there's quite a lot there to 'soak in' in one go.

Scottie, that's a pretty cool poem.
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I think there's been a lot of interesting words above me and sure some will strike a chord with you.

Sometimes living alone is what somebody needs in order to get their life into perspective. I for one had many years with too many people around me ALL the time and I needed that peace (I craved for peace) as well as removing myself from being 'needed' rather than 'wanted' the by people around me.

I've lived alone for quite a few years now and love and appreciate it, I may get an odd moment of loneliness but that's nothing compared to the 'stiffling' I felt with people around me all the time.

If I'm out and about, I'm friendly and sociable because I've chosen to be in public but I spend long periods of time where I've chosen to be reclusive. We are all different, and like you Stu there's many a time when I feel it would be lovely to wake up in a lover's arms..... but this is where NOT ANYONE WILL DO it has to be somebody that I consider special.

I was everybody's second memory for all the things they couldn't be bothered to listen, to and remember...... they started coming unstuck once my memory went off the rails haha!! and worse still when I'd go to get elephants instead of envelopes and potatoes instead of paint pots......to name just a few... fortunately I've got my mind back again now I've even got room in my brain to learn more....

Well I'd rather you laugh than cry. It doesn't matter Stu my friends always think I'm funny even when I'm being serious.

When I used to work and all the 'alien' words would pop out and I never quite knew whether it was stress, menopause or my fibromyalgia I would sometimes get a bit upset but I don't have to worry about things like that any more.

i meant no offense, sorry if it caused any.
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Maybe it's better that way.... I know i'd rather be single then settle! Think of it like that!

i love being single, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to be with someone
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'Wanting to be with someone' is our natural state, I think. Wanting all the things you mention in the top post is what most people want. You're not 'going a bit doolaly' but you do need to talk to someone about how you feel. That's what you're doing above, isn't it?
If you're not talking to your folks or your friends - people who know you better - I'd suggest you get some counselling. That way you'll get some objective advice, based on all your circumstances.
I wouldn't think moving out - and isolating yourself even more - is the way to go.
There's nothing wrong with you, other than being human. And we humans are prone sometimes to powerful contradictory and confusing feelings. Hang in there and good luck.
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