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Home >> Advice >> Getting Started on the dating scene

28.04.2009, 19:14 quote

heather1973

I have to be honest and say that I have not had a date since I was 18 and currently being 36 I have to admit to being terrified by the whole thing, been single for almost a year now and figure it's time to stop hiding away.

I have just joined the site and mostly seem a friendly bunch and was hoping to get some advice from people who have been in similar situations to myself.

Is it wrong to want to get to know someone first before meeting up with them?

 
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28.04.2009, 19:19 quote

cutielouise

heather1973 wrote:
I have to be honest and say that I have not had a date since I was 18 and currently being 36 I have to admit to being terrified by the whole thing, been single for almost a year now and figure it's time to stop hiding away.

I have just joined the site and mostly seem a friendly bunch and was hoping to get some advice from people who have been in similar situations to myself.

Is it wrong to want to get to know someone first before meeting up with them?


hiya heather,

theres nothin wrong with bein scared because it is scary lol i personally prefer to get to know someone before i meet them nothing wrong with that then you can tell if you have stuff in common! all the best with your search

 
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28.04.2009, 20:01 quote

katie22156

heather1973 wrote:
I have to be honest and say that I have not had a date since I was 18 and currently being 36 I have to admit to being terrified by the whole thing, been single for almost a year now and figure it's time to stop hiding away.

I have just joined the site and mostly seem a friendly bunch and was hoping to get some advice from people who have been in similar situations to myself.

Is it wrong to want to get to know someone first before meeting up with them?






Jhhhez I beeen Single Twoo God Dammm Years Sad Saaad Times


But Hope You Get More Confidence and Find A Lovely Man Smile

 
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28.04.2009, 20:50 quote

handsel
handsel Joined: 18 Mar 2009 Posts: 2355 Location: United Kingdom, England, West Midlands
View user's profile Visit poster's website

heather1973 wrote:
I have to be honest and say that I have not had a date since I was 18 and currently being 36 I have to admit to being terrified by the whole thing, been single for almost a year now and figure it's time to stop hiding away.

I have just joined the site and mostly seem a friendly bunch and was hoping to get some advice from people who have been in similar situations to myself.

Is it wrong to want to get to know someone first before meeting up with them?


Working backwards...
I'd say it was essential to get to know someone first. The first reason is safety: I think you'd need to be able to place that person physically, in terms of where they live and, if possible, where they work etc. And get some independent (ouside Flirtbox) confirmation eg 192.com or BT or their work website, etc.
Secondly, the reason you are meeting. You may have widely differing views on that.
Thirdly, so you can find common areas of interest and have ready topics for easy conversation.
Fourthly, to save time. If you're not happy about the first and the second - you may have saved yourself un-necessary discomfort, wasted time and wasted money.

They are a friendly bunch here and you will get some good advice. Many are in a similar situation to yourself ie (bluntly) they are lonely and need someone in their life. But not everyone is here for the same reasons and there are a small number of people who look on it as a sort of meat-market. I'm sure you'll be able to suss them out OK, by their words or deeds.

Be scared, but not terrified. Look on it not as a 'date' but as a meeting to decide if you want to meet that person again. And just be yourself. It's good you are doing something and it would be even better if you did less hiding away. Get out there! Laughing

The main thing is belief! Yeah, sister, you gotta believe!
What you have to believe is that - at this very moment - there's a guy looking for you. And he's just the guy you want. He's out there somewhere and you have to give him some help to find you. That's only fair, right? Laughing

Good luck with the Quest!

(BTW - I haven't had a 'date' since before you were born, so only 18 years is nothing! Laughing )
(Yeah, what I have written above could be a load of old cobblers! Laughing But, hopefully, it makes sense.)

 
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29.04.2009, 19:09 quote

heather1973

Thank you so much for the words of wisdom, tis much appreciated, hx

 
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29.04.2009, 20:51 quote

kadushu

I agree with most of what Handsel has said. My approach would be to converse with someone privately on here using PMs for a little while, to get an idea that they are ok. Then move on to more comfortable means ie. msn, facebook, phone/txt etc.

Good luck! Very Happy

 
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