I've been single for a few years and to be honest I'm nervous about approching a relationship,confidence knocked further by the fact that the last few girls I've been with I aint been firing on all cylanders and the girl looses interest,they seem to take it personal and I try to explain that I need to get used to someone and build confidence through trust,not every guy is a stallion,the longer I think about it the more apprehensive I become and now just don't bother,doesn't help when your a deep thinker,to deep,have deppression but I ain't a deppressing guy to know,a bit confused,any advice would be nice!

I know how you feel mate. i'm the same. need to have feelings for that person . i myself think that 80% of making love is the bond between the both of you..then it can be mind blowing. then things get better and better in the relationship with you and your partner.. hope that helps you. keep being a deep thinker. the cave man culture a lot of ladies dont like.and we are a dieing breed.

welcome to the forum..

if all else fails, think about someone that you did have a deep connection with and close your eyes. that might get you through the night. It happens to all of us, i got a floppy on the same girl 7 times, and i class myself a stallion. Dont let it drop your confidence.

Believe it or not, we're not all as shallow as to leave a bloke in that situation - a good heart and the ability to share that heart are more important than performing like the duracell bunny! Personally i dont think love is as important as you get older but love, laughter and affection should be the cornerstone of any relationship - if youve got that then everything else should fall into place ... good luck Scotty

I'm with lasvegasvic on this one and so well expressed, although have you thought that a girl may have an issue as well?

I say this 'cos I was messaging a woman who had just started seeing a new partner where the guy had the same problem. She wasn't planning to leave him because of it, as he's a special guy in other ways to her, BUT she has a poor body image perception and a history of abuse so she feels responsible for the guy's problem, convincing herself that he's not physically attracted to her, which I'm sure isn't true.......telling her that he'd never had a problem before, wasn't useful to how she felt about herself.

Seems to me that there's a lot of people who need a bit of sexual healing, I just hope that more people have the patience and understanding to have empathy rather than making embarrassing situations worse.

Hi mirrorpool

Totally identify with what you're saying - i have huge hang ups and spend too much time thinking 'god how much cellulite can one person have' and 'why do my nipples look ready for nail polish cos they are so near near my feet'!! ha ha - too much emphasis put on appearance and subsequent performance it takes away from the pleasure of two people just enjying each other!!

Well yeah everyone is guilty of being a little self consious of there bodies ..... even the 'stallions' of this world. I look at it like this if you are in a relationship, then they obviously like you for you, wobbles and all

As for men not performing on cylinders every time, think its something that the older woman would understand more.

I know a guy that has got that hung up on not getting an erection that he has not had love for 3 years, even though he has had girlfriends cannot bring himself to have full love.

And totally agree about love not being the most important thing in a relationship ....... but nice once in a while

I've had that dysfunction myself after 12 years of being on my own. Eventually, your body just fails to respond on cue, probably due to lack of practice as much as anything else.

It's hard to do, but try to just relax and not think about it because, if you worry, it makes the problem worse. Stress is probably the single main cause of men having erection problems, so don't add stress to the existing problem.

I found it best to be a man and admit that you're way out of practice before you start. Don't get all sullen and put her off though, make a joke of it and say that you might need a bit of a jump start, even Duracell batteries run down at some point. That would probably help the relationship a lot more than getting her sexually excited and then letting her down, at least she'll know you may need to get the engine warm before you get up to speed.

Once you're back on form after a break, you'll be like a teenager again for a while and she'll probably be quite happy that she stayed the course

Hope I'm doin' this right(replying to post that is!)knew to the WEB and so this site.Thanx for your thought folks,keep them(no puns)comming,I like to be open and appreciate your help folks,good to talk

people are far to shallow these days i may be young but i know an aweful lot about the world to much.
why do people always use love as an ice breaker cos most girls dont find it attractive, or rlly want it, in my opinion love to early in a relationship ruins things.

I suppose if the women cares about you, She might understand.

i think that if you relax n feel comfortable and are ready in your relationship (n the woman is too)then it should all go swimmmingly. if it fails you even then then it could b medical and would b worth seeing your gp? it could b performance anxiety and that can b worked through with the right girl at the right time. just coz it goes wrong once doesnt mean to say it will every time. bear that in mind as anxiety about that can mess it all up too. love is sposed to be fun and loving and something you share with the right one. it not a competition! you say you got depression well meds can mess with your functioning there as i said go to gp n see?