Hi there, new here but I hope this'll help
me.

I tried online dating for the first time
nearly a month ago. No clues about it just
assumed it would be worth a try. In the first
week I got talking to quite a variety of men
and it's helped me narrow down the type of
person I'm attracted to. So, that week I came
across the right man's profile. Looks,
interests, attitude were interesting though I
thought he was out of my league. A day or so
later he looks at my profile and to my
suprise he actually made contact. We got
talking on IM asking what we each were
looking for and so on and began flirting a
little so I felt we'd hit it off.

We've flirted around the topic of meeting up
and we've said we're attracted to each other
and after a week of occassional chat that
became quite relaxed and 'friendly', I asked
him out to clarify if he was genuinely
interested or just flirting. He said yes and
we exchanged numbers so I assumed he'd move
ahead with dates/times etc but he hadn't.

He explained that he'd gone to Scotland for a
project (We're in England) and that he didn't
know what day he'd be coming back so we
continued chatting online. We exchanged a few
texts as I was away on holiday for a week
also, but he has this habit of not replying,
which I know some guys are just not that
chatty on the phone.

We've both returned home (I felt a bit
disappointed that he didn't send a text to
tell me) and we had an enjoyable friendly
conversation. I asked him again if he'd like
to meet and again he said yes. He then went
on to say that he is busy for this week but
prehaps we could meet at the end of next week
and that he will let me know.

So here I am, waiting, sort of. Ok the ball
is definately in his court. I do believe him
about being busy in Scotland and I haven't
asked enough about his job or day to day
routine to know what his usual habits are but
all I can think is if you're interested
wouldn't you make a little more effort or is
this enough for two people who haven't met
yet? I've started making all the contact
although once we are talking he's very
articulate and open about normal things…

I feel impatient and maybe I am. I'm on
holiday all summer and have a lot of free
time so would like to meet up sooner to find
out if we have something or not (I'm one of
those girls that tends to stress a lot with
guys and there behaviour, although I'm
learning that men do just do things
differently). He on the other hand has a job
(part time I assume) and other projects he
works on. So I want to believe I'm just being
a little selfish and expecting him to be as
available as me but could it be that he's
just not that interested? He's really my type
so part of me is worried it's too good to be
true.

Thanks in advance on any advice you can give.
I know it's a common topic and hopefully I'm
stressing over nothing x

The whole chatting over the web/texting over a period of time, thing without having met the person doesn't bode well. The internet seems to offer opportunities and new ways to go about finding somebody - but if you get caught up in (arguably fall into the trap of) seemingly normal modern day communications of email/text/webcam there is a distinct possibility it's not going to go anywhere. Obviously it has no physicality, but it also has no formal structure, sense of timing, and can lose glamour/allure; to paraphrase...it's a bit weird.

If I do use this site it's for arranging/asking out on a date in my area (straight up or after a brief chat). No long distance, no pen pals...as natural as possible.

If this chap gets in contact, seems interested and wants to arrange a definite date...then all well and good. But as you say, I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about it
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"The tighter you grasp Lord Vader, the more it will slip through your fingers."

You shouldn’t get stressed because of net dating

Ideally, if you chat to someone on the net, you should be able to meet asap. But obviously things can get in the way, and it does sometimes take time.
You never know if anyone is genuine until you meet.


You didn’t say how much distance is between you?

If you chat to someone on the net you connect with usually they rarely miss replying to a text, and are very apologetic if they do. Texts rebound from one to the other all day long

Personally if I chat to someone I like, I arrange to meet them after a couple days chatting, if they don’t then they just become friends until they do.

As for being your type, you should wait until you meet, as you cant really tell by pics and profiles…maybe that is clouding your judgement??…which is common on net dating.

Its best to take net dating with a pinch of salt. Not sure of the stats, but I suspect the average person has to wait 2-3 years and go on a few meets/dates, before they meet someone they can have something with. But I know thats not always so.

Good luck and I hope he is everything you want.

I think a lot of people, men but mostly women get their hopes up a lil to high when they meet 'the ideal' person on the net, they get this picture and image of this person and 9 times out of 1 the reality is much different and in rare cases its even better so it's best not to get stressed by it and get your hopes up too high.

As for the length of time you should meet, well some say straight away, some say leave it a few weeks, of course life style, jobs, location ect can be what puts the first meet on hold, but personally through my experience I would not meet someone straight away, I would like to know as much as possible and gain some kind of erm trust maybe? first BUT like said already its very easy to fall into the trap where you talk for so long that having a online relationship becomes normal and when or if you do end up meeting, the chances of it working are quite slim. Personally I think a month is a good amount of time, its not too long and not too short, you can spend time getting to know each other, what makes them tick, sense of humor ect BUT if they start ot fob you off with excuse after excuse then I would start to question them, especially if its never them initiating meeting, I mean you have asked him twice now so I would 100% leave it down to him as you dont want im to think your desperate or needy.

You said you know nothing about his job, well I for one would ask, I like to know what a man does for a living, hobbies ect. Do you have each other on facebook? If not then I would recommend you add each other as it gives a good insight into what type of person they are also you can have a good snoop

Like Jegs said, how far is the distance between you?

as for the men texting, well men are shit at texting simple, if they are out or at work then your get a reply after! I dont think they mean to be rude its just the way they can be at times!

Just a few thoughts...

A person, any person, will usually show another person how much they're willing to get involved... Whether you'll see each other once per month, or once per week, or every day, or whatever... That you'll just talk online or take it further and such, they usually show it to you. And they even show to you if they want to get romantically involved, s.e.x only involved or friendship only. Some even say they like to flirt but don't want more.

And it's not even about them hiding something... It's about who they are...

And if they are interested, even if they play mind games and such, they will show their interest.

Of course it depends on what you want and can deal with as well... What for someone is too soon, for someone else is far too late... However, as I said, they always show just how much time they want to spend with you at that particular moment.

And, from then on, you can take it or leave it.

And there are cases in which people are shy and stuff, but even then they will show interest through any means they can. And it depends on if you want some shy person or not.

In my opinion this guy probably doesn't wanna meet just yet. You should wait and see if he contacts you once you stop (considering the fact that you always reach out first). If he doesn't then you are obviously just means to pass time (that correct?).

Of course relationships are more complicated than that and there are differences between men and women and between individuals to begin with, but the truth always finds ways to pop out its head.

Also, as said, depends on what you're searching for. If you've made it pretty clear that you would like a relationship and they say they do too but never show it, then I suppose they might be, uh, lying.

taking notes on this one.
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Hearing voices never makes me feel at ease...