Here's a few that might give you a giggle:

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
Do witches run spell checkers?
Doesn't being open-minded means your brains will fall out?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
Grow your own dope... plant a man.
Gun control is being able to hit your target!
He who hesitates is probably right.

Want what you have!

A train can change its tracks, but it can never be a kangaroo...

By Tibor Fischer

"If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight."

George Gobol.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.

Chinese proverbs: I like them because sometimes you have to think about what they really mean.

To know what lies ahead, ask those coming in the opposite direction.

A hungry man is one who waits for a duck to fly into his mouth.

Those who say it cannot be done should ask those doing it.

My personal favorite is not a Chinese proverb, but one I picked up some years ago.

Listen and you shall hear, look and you shall see, speak and you will be heard, lie and you will be ignored.

Mine is shamelessly taken from the recent film 'Cemetery Junction' - which I enjoyed very much.

"Throw your heart out in front of you, and run ahead to catch it."

According to the film it's an ancient Arabic quote, but whatever - I like it because it's inspiring.

If you want real wisdom you need to look at things which aren't just there to give you false hope, or to stimulate the emotions or to give you more confidence; - none of these are higher functions. A wise saying must illuminate something about how a person can learn, and the things that may prevent that learning from taking place.

It's Sunday morning Shere - I've just had to put my 3rd cat down in less than 3 weeks - my brain's not working right at all - I've read what you wrote 3 times now and it's too much for my poor little brain. I guess I'll have to go through it again another time for me to understand it - I'm feeling real stupid now.

Here are some from Oscar Wilde to cheer me up:

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."

"I am not young enough to know everything"

"I think God, in creating man, overestimated his ability."

"It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information."

"I love acting. It is so much more real than life."

"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."

"Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them so much."

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious."

"the only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself."

"When the gods with to punish us they answer our prayers."

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you."

‎"I do it, because I can.
I can, because I want to.
I want to, because you said I couldn't".
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A wise man once said, "I don't know, go ask a woman."
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Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most ...

The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
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"Never ignore a coincidence"
- The Doctor, Doctor Who