'Be careful how you use your magic wand.'
(From... Damn!)
(Could have been The Cailleach's Book of Magic)
(Or the Paint Shop Pro beginners manual)
(Or Euphemisms: The Englishman's Guide To Howsyourfather)

A bullet may have your name on it, but shrapnel is addressed to "whoever it may concern".

"I taught them everything they know, but I didn't teach them everything I know"

I can't be bothered to read through 21 pags, so apologies if these have been posted before.

“They must find it difficult, those who have taken authority as truth, rather than truth as authority." - Gerald Massey

"Don't look back, you bump into things" - Eeyore (It works on so many levels.)

"Morality is Temporary, Wisdom is permanant" - Hunter S Thompson
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Vidi Vici Veni

I got in touch with my feminine side. She emailed me back saying if I ever contacted her again she'd call the police.

I also didnt have time to go through 21 pages of messages and I'd be surprised if this quote hasn't come up but its my favourite quote and it came from the mouth of a genius, Albert Einstein
"Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves. "

"Worry is like a rocking chair, keeps you busy but gets you nowhere" Love that one!

"nobody is perfect, you show me perfect person and i will cure them"

"life is a waste of time......time is a waste of life.....get wasted all the time and have the time of your life".

"dont drink and drive......smoke and fly"

"if god meant us to fly he'd have bought the tickets"

apologies in advance if any of these have been posted already.

I like Hunter S Thompson...."Buy the ticket, take the ride" and "it's better to be fired from a cannon than squeezed from a tube".

or a good one from socrates "The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing".

You play in dirt, you get dirty.

It's an ill wind that smells of fish.
(Or was it an ill fish that smells of wind? )
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Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
(Jack Benny)

He who smelt it, delt it.

He who said the rhyme, did the crime.

He who sang the song made the pong