OK its been a while since I was last here, and was in the process of scrapping my profile but......somethings come up and really I need some impartial advice and opinion.

Theres a women at work, I try to get friendly and ask her out. We go out and at the end of the date things get a little out of hand. She backs off, and I think its over before it starts.
Then five days after her dumping me by text, she starts texting me again. We meet at work, and things look like they might be back on. I try to arrange another date, she's not forthcomming much about what she feels, or what she wants. OK maybe thats a lack of self confidence, which I won't go into here, but she does have issues with her face and hearing, and supposedly she's been hurt before.

But just before the date, she backs out and its all off again. Good advice at home says, this one is a tease and leave her well alone. But I'm not so sure.

Then I get a Valentines card from her, we talk and.....I'm not sure whats going on. She says she does'nt know what she feels or what she wants.
Good advice I've sought suggests all she wants is the attention, and this is not worth the headache.

I want that advice to be wrong, but I fear its right.

If you want ‘good advice’ to be wrong, then say, ‘Sod it!’ and start meeting and talking with her. Isn’t it possible that there is something – in the background, of which you know nothing – that is causing her confusion about her feelings or what she wants. It could be other relationships, family, financial, health, etc.
Tell her you think two people searching for what she feels and what she wants will find out quicker than only one person! Stands to reason!
And you want to help.

Did you think of sending someone a Valentines card? Did you send it?
G’wan! Put up with the headache and be teased a little bit.
If it gets to heartache tho…

(I remember you! And the glum photo! )
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Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.
(Jack Benny)

Hello Handsel,
Well thanks for the ego lift, glum photo indeed.....OK probably it is a bit glum or was.

Headaches. Not sure I really need a headache, rather need someone who's more communicative, and having slept on the matter (alone of course) I think leaveraging this one out of her shell is more the work of a shrink than poor naive little me.

Heartache is probably where its headed, all a dance of 'show interest in me, it boosts my ego' (which I think she does'nt get much of) and then when it comes to a crunch (like going out on a date or answering a question about how she feels) its 'I can't do this'. Then I back off, time passess and guess what, its 'show interest in me' again, which like a sucker I've fallen into the trap of.

Good advice comes from the people I know care about me, and they have a lot more experience than I.

But it does bug me, she's there so to speak, and the woman you can see and touch is far more enticing than a million nice profiles or distant people all beyond reach.

Hi

Poor you. I have been there too.

Heart says - keep pushing.

Head says leave her. She may come to you but there are many more girls and she sounds, on your description, like a high-maintenance one.

Sorry, but that's my advice...

All best from London

CM

Here's my 2 pence worth

I would quite simply avoid relationships at work. Unless one of you is leaving. Some people kinda apply the structure of the work to the relationship, or conversely enjoy the thrill of the balancing act, of the two worlds - but a there's a songsheet with two photocopies required

As this has turbulent beginnings, some semblance of balance may be hard to achieve - and the situation seems quite challenging, certainly I would be wary combine a budding working romance with aspects of a trusted confidant of quite deep lying issues, there's a lot of roles there already.

I think your right, ease off a bit as you've done your bit, press the return to cruise height button, and let her formulate and steady herself, the situation my synchronise - but I think she as much as she likes you, at present she may feel uncomfortable about the situation: possibly how to behave in it, or possibly the unease of becoming sexualised, or the results of possibly being enlived and acttacting curiosity in a working/social environment, a bit on show (who know's?), but time could well change that...(who know's)

As Handsel say's it difficult to give advice without knowing you, and stuff like do you both enjoy your job etc, what are your aspirations there?
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"The tighter you grasp Lord Vader, the more it will slip through your fingers."

Hi, I remember you too she sounds confusing, but it may be worth just talking to her a bit more to find out what exactly are her concerns, if you feel she's blowing hot then cold. If she'd been in a long term relationship, it may be she's forgotten how to 'date'
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Here's the ruthless perspective.

Only apply if all the great advice above fails.

Also, apply it at your own risk.

Invite her out to dinner. Somwhere decent. Women like that can't resist a good feeding.

Talk about neutral topics. Avoid talking about how you feel or how she's mucked you about. Don't act like a love sick mug over the meal either. Just be cool


Sleep with her. She will want to after your performance.

Get a new job.

Don't blame me if any part of the plan fails. This advice is free.

Disclaimer: I've not tried this stuff before but I have spent countless heartbroken nights wishing I had.

I Agree with pretty much all Handsel said if i'm honest. It does sound like there's something else in the background that you aren't aware of.

Also, just an idea, but why not arrange to go out straight from work, just to a bar or what have you for a drink and see what happens ? it'll be a lot harder for her to make an excuse for not turning up so you'll find out if it's just the attention she's craving.

My 2p's worth of course and considering i'm wrong about everything.. well..
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Here's a straight answer to the poster's original query, just in case anyone else is in the same boat today: FORGET THE IMBALANCED CO-DEPENDANT PSYCHO AND MOVE ON, OR BE LINED UP TO HAVE WEEKS, MONTHS OR YEARS OF THE SAME AND/OR WORSE - AND THEN LOSE YOUR HEALTH, SANITY, CONFIDENCE, PEACE OF MIND, LIBERTY, SELF-RESPECT, ABILITY TO TRUST (OR ANY COMBO OF THESE) AS A CONSEQUENCE. DON'T ARGUE THE TOSS HERE NOW, JUST TRUST THE VALUE JUDGMENT AND DO IT. Simple stuff really... but some of us need the rationale spelling out for clarity!

I'd like to know why what appears to be a female moderator has viewed my profile 14 times in just the last couple of days...?????!