Hi, I am a 19 year old college student, majoring in Chemistry. I have never had a girlfriend before. I used to be very shy, not that social, kinda chubby. Now, I am being more open to girls, but I sometimes have a hard time starting a conversation with girls I see at my college. How do I approach them? I am very goal oriented, I am very studious, and take my education very seriously. I have friends that are girls and I am comfortable with them but I guess I never now when I should ask any girl out. I am scared of getting rejected. I hate the feeling of having your heart broken as gay as that sounds.

I made the mistake of asking some Asian girl my first quarter in college, she was kinda nerdy. I think she wasn't ready and rejected me, and started acting completely different but later apologized. Were kinda friends now, I guess. Thanks.

Here are 2 pictures of me:
http://photos-e.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs185.snc1/6176_1226068851775_1230633508_674156_5244056_n.jpg

http://photos-f.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v2671/19/9/1230633508/n1230633508_395117_8253264.jpg

You seem like a decent looking chappy, so you shouldn't worry too much as far as that's concerned.

Ideally, you need to get rid of that fear of rejection. The only way I can think of to do that is to put yourself into a few positions where you may be rejected. You'll soon find out that it isn't really that bad. In other words, jump into the fire. Take the green pill. Be a winner.

There's actually a thread on here about the friend zone, so I won't bother saying too much. Just have a read. Put basically, don't go in it because it's pretty tough getting out, especially if you're scared of rejection. If you like a girl, let her see it through eye contact but be elusive until you feel the time is right to make a move.

When you do make a move, be direct. Believe it or not, most people like being told that they're attractive.

Good luck!

you've got a great smile that will work wonders, I'm pretty sure you won't get too many rejections before you get the 'yes' you want. Good luck.

In no particular order, some things I really could've done with at your age.

1.Don't over analyse, think then act and act before you can think about failure or the nerves can set in.
If they do, fear is a natural thing, face it overcome it.

2. don't force yourself, your internal moods are leaking out through body language and will be picked up. Not necessarily in the way you want.
That may contradict 1. but you either know the difference or will learn.

3. Girls are ultimately looking for the same thing you are, a partner, keep that in mind.

4. try not to obsess, and don't load expectations of success or failure on yourself. "No" is not the end of the world. There will be others.

5. seek advice, multiple perspectives are of great value, and some can interpret what you cannot in her behaviour.

Good luck.

if you're a studious type then reading some relevant books should help you a lot, for instance about body language to know when they are interested or not. You're probably the type that has confidence derived from knowledge and experience of said knowledge. so the more you can find out the better. such books can be found browsing amazon and reading the reviews.

As a guide to Kendo (Japanese swordsmanship) once put it "the master defeats himself".

Doing it is not easy.

Dear Friend,

I want you to be honest with me for a second and truthfully answer these questions:

Are you tired of being alone or having to settle for ‘average’ women?



Ever felt paralyzed around a pretty girl, trying to think of something clever to say?


Do you go on dates that always end with the ‘Let’s Just Be Friends’ speech?


Are you fed up with watching ‘other’ guys go home with the beautiful women you desire?


Do you want that “One Special Girl”, but don’t know how to get her?


Ever start a conversation that ends awkwardly when you don’t know what to say next?

If you answered yes to ANY of these questions then this might be the most important letter you’ve ever read...


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Edited by LV*

I know where your at, same position just a year ago, was 19 about to turn 20 hadn't even lost my virginity, started talking to a girl at work and it all happened, got engaged 8 months in and we just split up 3 weeks ago after 9 months, i'm not heartbroken at all because you live and learn we were totally wrong for each other but ah well onto the next girl.. Set yourself up for success and you'll succeed, and also in your position remember every goal you dont shoot for never goes in so remember the more you put off trying it on with a girl the less chance it'll happen.

yeah, don't worry mate, once you have ingested the collected wisdom of the long term single, socially disadvantaged and the congenitally birdless, which make up the male flirtbox brotherhood, you should be well placed to mount a devastating assault on the female species!

Actually, this has no equation. But I'd like to say, don't be ashamed of the fact that you've never had a girlfriend. Its okay to be shy, even reserved; but you'll have to keep your eyes & feelings open so that you don't miss the one you've been waiting for.

If it comes to short term courtship, you can find it anywhere but true love isn't that easy. Even the bubbliest, outgoing bloke in your uni can still be lacking it. Just go easy & relaxed.

I would simply suggest to be yourself. You seem like a lovely guy, and the fear you have is natural. As many before me have commented, however, it is not the end of the world if a girl says no.
It can be for many different reasons (more concerning her state of affairs then your compatability as a boyfriend). So don't take it personally -although it is awkward, both for you and her.

Dear author, i agree that you do look like a very lovely guy and i would agree with all that you dont have to force anything. Being in a hurry and making rushed decisions never helped anyone. I knew many shy guys and there is nothing wrong with that. Try to get to know the girl you like from the friendship perspective. Dont worry, species like us sometimes sense shyness, if she doesnt get it, you can tell her that you are a shy type of guy and sometimes you dont know what to say.
If you are with the right girl and she is into you, she will act. Just make sure you send a right hints that you like her: call/ask how things are/be involved in her life.
If the question is in how to actually start talking with her... ask about the book she is having in her hands, teachers,classes, food if in the cafeteria. Just initiate the conversation.
If any of us on this forum can be of any help, ask away, please.
Hope it all helps